Ok, that’s shameless polemic, designed to draw you in. But it’s still true.
Don’t forget to occasionally be abusive.
But now we’re either going to have to redefine what is abusive, so that it’s now a good thing, or change our internal conception of what is and is not good. Because nobody wants to deliberately do bad things.
It’s a fact that many women don’t take their man seriously until he has hit her. How can she know that he loves her otherwise? Don’t blame me for female logic – I’m not the inventor of this world. It isn’t just some odd pathology that only occurs to low class women with gang affiliations. Women fall in love with you more if you abuse them.
I’m not advocating hitting. Not in this post anyway – that would require a more in depth post.
I have a fierce temper, and I’ve long said that this can be an advantage. While everyone seems to think that being emotionally immovable is the way to go, my experience is the opposite; balanced intensity is addictive. Intense passionate loving intimacy, and intense fierce anger. Balanced with whatever else is in your cookbook; your cool James Bond vibe, companionate silence, busy with your business, into your sports and art, frisky romance, out of communication. A full robust balance that as a painting has a joyful vibe, but is heavy in contrast with plenty of deep shadows and pure colors.
In my case I’d suspect the hot temper came about from many years of heavy drinking. I heard that’s a common characteristic of heavy and even formerly heavy drinkers. You lose some emotional moderation and can become a bit of a hot head. In terms of attraction, that seems to only help.
Sober for over three years now, so if the dry-drunk theory is true, it’s a lasting effect.
I just tried to look up info on what’s meant by a “dry drunk”, and only found a bunch of AA psycho babble. However there is plenty of research on effects to the brain from alcohol, especially repeated binge drinking. The amygdala is involved. A messed up amygdala hampers the ability to form long term memories and alters emotional regulation. Some people become quick to anger.
This would seem to be different than the constant burning rage that is described by those with the anger gene variant. Its more like everything can be peachy fine until something sets you off, and then WHAM! From zero to 100 anger. Fierce.
Now I know a lot of guys can only interpret that as a negative. A lack of control. A sign of weakness even. That’s not how the women seem to interpret it. And although I’m biased, it’s not how I do either. You get used to it, and feel in control. It’s just intense.
Back in the drinking days, sometimes I’d wake up cranky, thinking about some useless shit the girl I was living with had stirred up. I would just rail into her. Just go on and on at her, telling her why she sucked.
She’d later tell me that she really liked it.
And I’ve verbally abused plenty of other girls. The long term effect was always positive.
I’m still using the word abuse here, as I believe polemic is still called for. We fear telling a girl off, because we want to be nice. I’m using a strong emotionally laden term to let you know to use strong emotions.
Don’t be nice. Not all the time.
Girls don’t respect themselves. I don’t care how high her self esteem is – it’s not about that. If she’s a girl, she doesn’t respect herself. No matter what she says. If you respect them, they’ll think you are just being weak, blind, or stupid. Or worse for a man; that you are naive. Sometimes you’ve got to give them a piece of your mind – tell them every last fault. Go on and on about why you are just about to leave them, why other girls are better, all the reasons they suck.
Then they’ll respect you. Treat you like a man. Try to do better.
I’m going to leave this here. This post is one of those self secret things. Either you’ll understand it because you already knew this from experience, or you won’t understand it because you don’t yet have that experience. You probably won’t believe it, and will even think this is some seriously fucked up shit that only works on seriously fucked up women.
I almost wish I lived in that world again. But no, women need abuse in order to respect you and take you seriously. To feel that you understand them. And love them. And can take care of them out of a position of strength.
And before they do that they’ll never give you their heart, body and soul completely.
Unless you abuse them they will never trust you.
But of course you also have to love them. Otherwise why would you bother?
Update: A few of my favorite girls needed only occasional abuse. Just enough to get the point. It’s often been a huge turning point in the relationship, with a drastic improvement in affection.
Other girls are more problematic and actually feed off of negative attention, so you have to be wary of not fostering and feeding an adrenaline addiction. In that case the next step up on the intensity scale from fierce anger is temporary abandonment. Those girls need regular re-evaluation, and may need to be flunked out of school.
Update 2: I’m not suggesting that you fake anger, or that you create fake drama. The way I see it, if the girl isn’t occasionally crossing the line, either you are both very happy and everything is already going swimmingly, or you don’t have a line. It’s better to be touchy about your line than permissive.
Without strong boundaries you can’t afford to show strong affection.