peterthephoenix: I was reading through xsplats thread about being in ‘love at first sight’ mode and elmech said something that was simple but really insightful for me:
el mechanico: Bottom line: You have to be a dick here but lucky for me I am by nature a total dick.
I know it sounds stupid, but that was something that helped tie all my thoughts together.
Being raised as a nice guy, you never learn to do this. You’re never put in a social situation where you have to lead and do the work, you always just passively follow. You never learn to be the cheeky dickhead.
It’s just the type of attitude that most Western girls love because a guy who always puts his own needs and amusement first is attractive. Dickheads are self-centred, good at teasing, carefree, always able to have fun in a situation.
I’ve been lucky enough to have 2 good friends who were dickheads, and they both did really well with girls.
It’s a very different mindset to shift into, but after you’ve been around it for a while you understand how to use it to your advantage.
If you’ve been stuck being a nice guy, and are fresh learning the advantages of being a dick, then being a dick is going to be a huge revelation. It works oh so much better than being a nice guy. You might think everything about your old approach was wrong.
But think about musical range. Do you want to stick with tried and true rock and roll all the time, or would having mastery over a range of repertoires that you can apply with nuance to each fluid situation be more fun?
Think about creating the score for a movie. You need that range. From ballads to Bob Marley to Metalica to Vivaldi. Vivaldi for the white tablecloth restaurant scene, of course.
That’s really been my problem with trying to express how to retain that intimacy in the context of PUA. We are so conditioned to cast away all traits that were from our bad old beta days. We don’t even notice which ones could be useful, if put in the context of our new improved socially adept dominant selves.
Or use a food analogy. A bun is not appetising. A meat patty by itself is not a meal. Put together the whole hamburger and you’ve got something that appeals to everyone.
Sure, it’s easier to sell yourself as a meat patty than it is to sell yourself as a bun. But you’ll get a way stronger reaction selling the full well rounded meal. Include fries and a shake if you can.
But really I don’t even think it boils down to a sales issue. We learn that women are not reliable to be vulnerable with. They cheat and lie and are hypergamous whores, to some degree – all of them. So the better we get with women, the more we know them, then we just don’t even want to get intimate with them anymore.
Personally, I view this as a lifestyle and life satisfaction choice. I equate intimacy with hedonism, and have decided that is important to retain my ability to enjoy intimacy in order to maximize hedonism. So I love the bitches, in my way, and to my advantage.