It’s often asked how to get a girl who has put you in the friend zone to start to see you sexually.

If a girl hangs out with you as a friend and you want her as more, then don’t do that.

Advice has been given that if you really want to put the effort into it, then back off and don’t see her for a while.

But that’s not right. The space of not seeing her shouldn’t come from a tactic to get her, it should come from avoiding wasting your time on a girl who is showing no interest in putting out.

Whatever happened to the three date rule? How is it you let yourself get in a position of having a drawn out non-sexual relationship when that’s not your aim?

When I think about dating issues, I look to my experiences for guidance. The older I get, the more perspective these experiences can give me.

There is a girl I’ve had some dates with who once told me “I don’t think of you in that way”. We were already naked in bed, and I’d been playing with her pussy, as had happened on previous dates. This was like the third time I had her naked, and she never even sucked my dick. And she was a virgin at thirty. She’d pull that same stunt on all the boys. She wasn’t even putting out a proper rape-me vibe. It was like I was masturbating her.

So naturally I stopped calling her. She’d told me that’s what all the boys do – eventually just lose interest and stop calling. Last time she asked for a meet up I flaked. Could I turn this around and get out of the “friend zone”? Why bother? Where’s the passion? Where’s the heat?

When I date, I date with a purpose. There is no friend zone. I’m not interested in being friends. Either you find the heat, or you don’t. I have no use for a woman who “decides” to fuck me. She’s got to be hungry for my dick like she’s starving.

I don’t see the purpose of dating as seeing if you can sneak your snake in. I’ve been in enough girls that I’m not about numbers. I want to make a passionate connection. A girl who isn’t seeing me that way isn’t even a challenge – she’s a waste of time.

I think much of the skill of dating is about knowing what indicators of interest are, and then expanding on that. If a girl has been around you for a while and isn’t giving you any sort of fuck me vibe, then there is nothing more to talk about. Unless your in a long dry spell and need to relieve some tension, it would be pointless to fuck her. Tepid sex sets up bad habits in your body.

There are three main areas of concern regarding winning over women.

1) Outer game, including your social status, financial status, appearance, fitness, etc.
2) Inner game which comes from many experiences of success and overcoming adversities
3) And then there is just meeting girls. Screening girls. Doing what it takes to find that one in a 10 or one in 50 or one in a 1000 girl who you click with.

You can work it so that a greater percentage of girls click with you. But still, this third main area of game is going to be important, if you want to click with the girl.

We all have nasty dry spells, and when lonely we are prone to inappropriate romantic feelings. So it takes discipline to pull away and work hard like it’s your job as a man to get the fuck out there and meet other girls. Cast a wider net, go to new venues, travel, change career, move to a new city, even learn a new language if you have to. Just cast a wide enough net so that you don’t have to focus on a situation that is setup to be unsatisfying.

Has anyone here ever had a satisfying relationship come out of a friend zone situation? Of the girls I’ve fucked who I was into more than they were into me, none of them made me feel deep joy or satisfaction. There was always unease and tension and want. Never that joy you get from a deep mutual communion of ecstasy.

It is painful when you feel more passion than the girl does. I don’t think any of us actually want that. Sometimes having nothing is better, because nothing is a better motivator than something that isn’t good enough.

Actually, I only remember one girl I fucked who I was into but who wasn’t much into me. The rest I was just trying to fuck. That was long ago, in another, much more frustrating and stupid lifetime.

I remember some girls leading me to believe that I had a chance at opening a sexual door. Plenty of girls are teases who do that with plenty of boys, with no intention or desire to actually put out, out of some sick twisted desire for attention. Their phones are full of numbers of boys who aren’t getting her.

I remember being stupid enough to have unrequited love for a girl who showed no interest.

I remember fucking some whore and getting feelings for her, even though she was clearly a professional slut.

All of those mistakes of the heart arose out of lack of experience. Lack of perspective. They weren’t much about lack of seduction skill. They were about investing my interest into a bad situation.

Game is at least 1/3 about knowing where to invest your interest.