Well, do you? Your feelings should alter whatever your answer is.

When I don’t, I say “don’t ask me that”.

When I’m iffy, I say “sometimes”.

And if I do I say something affirming.

I find it irritating when the girl needs emotional assurance but I have none to give, so I just try to shut that down. I see nothing wrong with showing my irritation at the question. “Don’t ask me that” works for me. Perhaps followed by something like “look to my actions”.

Really though, it is a bit of a faux pas to ask that question from someone, as I think everyone really knows. That’s information that you volunteer – you don’t extract it at the point of a question. Nothing wrong with slapping a girl down a bit for pushing the issue.

Yes, it doesn’t placate her demons, but then so what. A little anxiety over the issue never hurt a relationship, and she can get her dose of assurance through non-verbal means such as through physical affection.

Emotions mean something to me, and bonding is real enough, and so I’d rather not trivialize intimacy with false assurance. I feel what I feel, take it or leave it. Nobody gets to demand assurances of something that isn’t there. And if it is, I’ll let it be known, one way or another, on my terms.

This is a shit test in the same way that “do you think I’m fat” is a shit test. You fail if you feel the need to spare her feelings and be tactful.

Yes, you are fat. Lose weight.

She may as well be asking “Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing to me? What if I really put you on the spot; are you going to squirm around like a little bitch?”

People think being blunt and to the point is off putting. Maybe. But on the whole just being a man is doing your job, and that’s what she’ll be attracted to. Lose the battle (“yes, you’re fat”) and win the war (her respect).

Just take command, in whatever way is compatible with your inner strength and honesty. Don’t let her control the frame by dancing around in a little side step jig as she tries to pin you down.

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