From Wedding Podcast Network

Starting at 8:10:

Alison: Men…are the walking resolution of paradoxes. For example, if you look at men’s relationships to other men, it’s phenomenal. Every other man [a man] meets, the instinctive question a man will ask [himself] and answer very quickly is…’How can I take him?’


Alison: But the other side of that is you could end up giving your life for him…It can go either way…For example, one of the things I talk to men and women about a lot is the difference between loyalty for a man and loyalty for a woman. Women are not loyal in the male sense of the word; we’ll back you up as long as you’re right. And it’s very frustrating for men because, in a man’s world, loyalty; you back me up even when I know I’m wrong. It’s the vision of two men back to back in a bar fight. One on ‘em’s swinging and taking punches and giving punches and saying to the other guy, ‘I can’t believe you got us into this again.’ But he’s still there…[at] his friend’s back. You know that expression, ‘he’s got my back’?

Female Host: But don’t women do too?

Alison: No.

Female Host: We don’t have each others’ back?

Alison: Nooo; and we don’t have our guys’ back. And it’s one of the biggest complaints from men is…

Female Host: That they don’t feel they have the support of women…

Alison: It’s different that support. It’s a loyalty where we’re on your side even when we think you’re wrong. It’s a kind of loyalty that a woman would….it’s so hard to explain to them…but….

Female Host: But isn’t it through communication that you would know about that loyalty?

Alison: hmmmm….actually…

Male Host: Maybe women are just incapable of it…

Alison: Let me put it a little bit differently, ok? Because women usually hear this as an accusation, like there’s something wrong with us, that we’re not loyal. We’re actually designed differently; women are the adapters. We’re the master adapters and instinctively we survive, literally survive, as crass as you wanna think that is. But we survive on a very primitive and instinctive level by adapting to the best horse in the lot. We naturally look around: ‘who should we put our money on?’ And then we adapt to please and be attractive to and aligned with that person for as long as they’re the smartest person to be aligned with. And it’s a very primitive calculation and…it’s how the smaller and weaker sex survives. And it’s got a very good basis is Cave Woman; it has nothing to do with human spirit. From the point of view of human spirit, a woman can be just as loyal as a man, but it’s a created [loyalty]. It’s [saying], ‘In the face of this, I choose my husband, I choose my man, I choose partnership. I’m not abandoning my partnership even though it doesn’t look like the smartest thing to do right now. But it’s an act of courage, an act of human spirit. But as Cave Women, we are not loyal. Not the way that men are.