Causation or correlation: women with higher partner counts divorce and cheat more
Posted by xsplat on March 27, 2012
There have been many posts, articles, and forum discussion about the mathematical link between how many previous partners a woman has had and the likelyhood that a marriage will end in divorce within 5 years. There are also graphs that show her likelyhood to cheat.
The correlation is stark – virgins are less likely to divorce or cheat, and the higher the partner count, the greater the risk for both.
The automatic conclusion for most men is therefore that for life satisfaction in an LTR, get a faithful woman. And to get a faithful woman, get a woman with the lowest partner count possible.
The thing that men who value lifetime commitment and purity will never be able to empathize with, is that some men don’t hold lifetime monogamy in as much esteem, and do hold sexual heat in a relationship in relatively higher esteem. The trade-off is worth it to them.
Those who value lifetime bonds also have a very difficult time with the fact that people have innate predispositions. Girls with lower libido are less likely to have many partners. Girls born and built with higher libido are more likely to have more partners. And girls with higher risk taking and novelty seeking propensities are more fun than their timid sisters.
I would choose a fun high infidelity risk hottie with overpowering sexual heat over a tepid hottie who would never possibly cheat every time.
And when we split up, I’d get another.
I’d much rather look back at a lifetime of 10 passionate and supercharged romances over a period of 20 years than one long easy low maintenance very secure tepid bland relationship of 20 years.
Adventurous women with high libidos have a higher infidelity risk. That suits me fine.
Rollo wrote an article about such statistics and I have to agree with his main point; how strongly a man registers to a woman changes how much she bonds with him.
It does happen that a girl can have fucked hundreds of guys and never even had an orgasm. Then she’ll meet some guy who she has incredible chemistry with, and becomes a never ending Niagra Falls of cum. To her that will be the first lover she ever had. She’ll say I love you 50 times a day and talk of how if you die she’ll never fuck another person.
That happened to me a few years ago, but the girl died on me. But I’ve had other experiences that were in the same category, with a girl being with other guys after me but still routinely letting me know that for her there is no other man in the world except for me. Years after breaking up, and years after her being with many guys.
As Rollo says, all numbers are not equal. Girls don’t just hop from this penis to that penis. They hop from one level of intensity to the other. The greatest intensity and connection is not equal to the others. Men are not equal.
Women are not equal, and men are not equal. We are not all just another digit. Some men count more.
And here is what I believe is natures evil little twist: the men who are most likely to want secure lifetime commitment are the same men that are least likely to be that guy who eclipses all other experiences before or after.
This is why the security men place such a high value on fidelity. Because they do not want to compete in the sexual marketplace.
They want to compete in a marketplace of fidelity.
I don’t think a lot of fidelity fears are so much marketplace insecurity, as they are not wanting to be stuck as provider for another man’s spawn.
There are many practical issues. Divorce rape, cuckolding, the emotional pain of being cheated on, the emotional comfort that comes from the idea of a secure shared future, the easing of anxiety about not having to worry about sexual competitors.
There are many great reasons to prefer a non-adventurous, risk averse, novelty averse, low libido woman for a mate.
However for some men these great reasons are outweighed by the benefits that come with the girl being fun (novelty seeking and risk taking) and having a very powerful libido.
It will always be a trade off. You can’t have an amphibious high speed supertanker airplane-boat. You don’t get 21 year old virgins who aren’t hung up home schooled religious wackos unless they innately are not much interested in fucking.
Or they want to raise a family, and be there as a father.
You have a point there. For men who want to live with their children until maturity, being with a woman holds an entirely different dimension of purpose.
However I argue that these men often conflate relationship with parenting, and will even compete against the bad boys for girlfriends on the basis of their fidelity.
Women vote with their feet, and even though their mouths complain, in their prime they are not valuing fidelity over edge. They prefer to cry for that bad boy than settle with the good boy.
The way of the walrus is more attractive than the way of the penguin.
Penguins confuse raising kids with having a relationship based on attraction.
Nowadays relationships and even marriage are not about the kids. They are about attraction.
Virginity is not a guarantee of fidelity, but it is very highly correlated”
It’s also quite rare to marry as a virgin, isn’t it?
Those women who wait are a self selected group who already have innate predispositions.
If you just take any random virgin, there is no correlation between starting an ltr with her and her propensity to go on and fuck a small village of other boys.
We’re talking about marrying when you are a virgin. Or marrying at a very low partner count. Who does that? Virgins are scarce by the time they are marrying age, and of those, few wait for marriage.
It’s a rare group of lower than average libido and risk taking women who in this culture and economic environment bother to not fuck when they can, and instead wait for something as extreme as marriage. Marriage, for fucks sake! Or should I say for the sake of the children.
The type of girl who does that is secure because she’s boring and will stop fucking you after the first baby is born.
In the same way you wouldn´t try to fix your pc components with a wrench, you wouldn´t want a self-confessed whore to birth your children
Yes, there was a time when children were a prime consideration in marriage for women in their prime. Women in their prime also married for financial or political reasons, either their own or of their parents.
Nowadays it is men in their prime who would like to trade their fidelity for sex and lifetime commitment, but not women. Attractive women in their prime largely marry out of attraction. It’s more likely to be the uglier or older girls that would consider practical concerns, such as lifetime provisioning or a lifetime father around for the children.
Contrary from what you’d expect from the low partner count stats, young newlyweds divorce at a higher rate than those who marry when older. This is because low partner count women of marrying age are a minority of women who are either ugly with few options or timid hyposexual freaks. Their numbers are too small to even balance out the stability of marriage that comes with age.
I hear you that for marriage purposes, there are many advantages to choosing a risk averse, non-novelty seeking, low libido woman, because if you don’t, you will be getting involved with a woman who is a high infidelity risk.
A low socio-sexual score man would be wise to choose a timid girl with below average interest in fucking.
But a high libido man who wants a partner in crime to do all sorts of fun and wild stuff will never be able to find his flying supertanker. He’ll have to do his best to alpha up and keep the woman through maintaining attraction. He won’t be able to keep her “for the kids”, like he might a lower socio-sexual predispositioned woman.
Key concepts: 1)predispositions of the woman 2) choosing which traits you want to give up in order to have the flip side valuable ones 3) betas often have a lower socio-sexual score (interest in variety) than does the average women, and are very easily fooled by womens words 4) in todays economy, women don’t need a lifetime partner for the children. A higher libido woman AND a woman in her prime is likely to stay only for the reason of attraction – not for the kids.
And the final concept to take away from this long post: most men stop having much or even any sex with their wives after the first kid is born. That is less likely to happen if you choose a high libido, and therefore higher infidelity risk woman.
Update: Below is the updated chart that shows likelihood of marriage failure for newlyweds based on number of partners. In the discussion of the stats it is mentioned that there is a greater chance for failure if the couple had sex before marriage, implying that it is religious reasons for waiting for sex that is a stabilizing factor in many virgin marriages, not a factor of ability to bond. Note also the U shape of this updated graph – marrying a young hottie who has had few partners can be greater risk than marrying a more experienced woman. This is likely because as women get older, they get more partners, and older women are less likely to divorce, as they have fewer options in the marriage market to turn to.
I’d like to see graphs for partner counts related to other factors, such as ugliness, libido, and religiosity. And we need a graph that shows the average number of times per week the couple is having sex at years 1,2,3,4 and 5. If we had that information I think we’ll find that women with lower partner counts have serious deficits as marriage material.