A recent post over at Married Man Sex Life, where the theme of the blog could be said to be game for the married man, author Athol Kay makes a bold statement. He says that most attraction is structural.
I’m getting less interested in pushing the Sexy Moves sort of advice, because increasingly I’m seeing the primary issues of attraction as being quite structural in nature. The Sexy Moves work amazingly well for guys who have the major issues of income, health and house basically in place and functional, but the ones that don’t, see little effect from trying the Sexy Moves.
I’m an advocate for game, however I make the widest possible definition for what game is. Game is whatever increases attraction. On most manosphere blogs game is the psychological component, including inner confidence, outward dominance, and psychological mastery. It is usually considered to be all verbal and non-verbal cues, but nothing more. Some people might add a little styling. A few more will allow body building in under the category, but most will say that only increases confidence, which in turn improves game (they are wrong – muscles in and of themselves have been conclusively proven to be attractive).
Since I have a very wide definition of game, I don’t setup a dichotomy between the physical and structural outward manifestations of attraction such as finances and being fit, and the more inward and personality oriented aspects of attraction such as psychological mastery and an artfully displayed inner confidence. Everything that helps is game.
But if in your definition of game, you hold the more common and limited definition, take a moment to ponder the import of Athol’s advice to married men. Game of the verbal and body language type is LESS important than your basic structural setup for maintaining attraction in a marriage. He is not talking about maintaining comfort, which he associates with oxytocin, but attraction, which he associates with dopamine.
He concludes with
You simply can’t rest on your laurels as a husband and expect your wife to remain attracted to you, if you do not remain attractive. The relationship can amble along just fine for years with no particular sign of danger, but the foundations are crumbling away underneath you and all it can take is one solid hit of interest from another man and it all can come crashing down.
Fixing the structural problems of your income and health can take a long time. When the shit hits the fan… you simply may not have the time to fix it before she does the unthinkable.