A pathological behavior is a maladaptive behavior that gets the person the opposite of what they are seeking. People who have strong habits of pathological behaviors are unable to learn the simple cause an effect. They will drop the same hammer and expect that this time it will land on the ceiling.
Sometimes a shit test is a test of mans selfishness and strength, to see if he is strong enough to stand up to her. But other times, and sometimes at the same time, it is a genuine battle for power. Sometimes the woman wants the man to give an inch, then another inch, until she has conquered his territory and resources. Until he is her monogamous little bitch who snivels for reassurance from her when she shows displeasure and is a slave to her moods. Women want not only their men to pass shit tests and to stand up for themselves, thus proving that they are strong and capable protectors, they also want men to fail the shit tests, and to hand over their power to the woman, so that they have whipped a man into a provider slave and thus acquired his resources and monogamous commitment.
Sometimes when a girl is seeking reassurance of commitment and that the man values her, she’ll seek negative attention. Rather than start an interesting conversation, suck his dick, or otherwise give positive feedback to the man in exchange for positive feedback, she’ll do something annoying. She may not consciously realize that it’s annoying, but that would not be because she doesn’t realize it, it would be because she’s not conscious. She will deep down know that she is being annoying. Maybe she’ll think she’s being cute-annoying. But sometimes she’ll have pulled the same stupid annoying trick enough times and been told enough times to cut it out that there is no room for doubt – she is deliberately trying to piss you off.
There is no solution to this quandary. There is nothing the man can do. It’s a catch 22. If you give her the positive reinforcement she seeks and make her feel valued and cared for, you’ve failed the shit test, and she’ll just move on to conquering the next inch of your manhood. If you ignore her irritating behavior she’ll just amp it up until she gets a response. If you give her 100 times worse negative response than she was asking for, you’ll temporarily curtail her bullshit, she’ll respect you as a man, and for a while she’ll be on good behavior. But you just wasted minutes or hours of your life trying to make someone who has a deep seated mental pathology start acting like a sane person.
Sometimes a girl will deliberately refuse to understand you. Explain in perfectly clear and simple language the simplest concept – you know that I don’t like that, so when you do that, it means to me that you are trying to piss me off, don’t do that – and she will pretend as if she is completely incapable of understanding. This is of course another ruse to further piss you off. Or perhaps it’s just a pathological deflection of responsibility and an active anti-self-awareness module in hyperdrive. Regardless, it’s fucking irritating and it’s sick and broken. Even if you do work out the inner motivations of such behaviors, it’s only insight into something deeply ugly and useless.
The girl wants attention – and at this point is settling for negative attention.
Something is broken in her, and the wiring is so twisted up in her brain that trying to interact with her will only cause short circuits and sparks. There is no benefit to anyone. It’s a lose lose situation.
Sometimes people have broken, unfixable wiring. It isn’t a matter of a normal workable level of neurosis, but is an unmanagable matter of pathology and abuse. Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder will not be able to respect anyone that would love her, and will sabotage any relationship with constant tests of commitment and power. There are other psychopatholagies that hold the same catch 22. If you do the right thing, you lose, if you do the wrong thing, you lose.
Update: Went for a long walk on the beach, returned and told her that I’m going to move into a hotel for a while. The girl fed me cabbage for breakfast for the 7th time, after receiving extreme heavy grief the previous three times over the course of months, and gentle warnings the three times before. And lately I’ve been pointing out her often deliberately being irritating. But the worse thing is her denial. The sky could fall as a giant pancake on top of her head and she’d deny it. Reality doesn’t exist if it’s inconvenient. Moving out. Actually, I have three apartments at this point, and nothing but options.
Greasy cabbage and fried liverworst for breakfast. Big steaming plate of passive aggression. Done.
Update Mar 22: I had another bout of the woman deliberately seeking negative attention the other night. I finally snapped and told her that she wins; she wanted me to be angry and she made me angry. I told her that something deep inside her was broken, and that she craved drama and negative attention. I gave her a few minutes of the stern talking to she craved, while I dressed. But instead of hanging out and letting her soak in a shared environment of angst, I did what is now my new habit, and left for another abode for the night and the next day. While she may thrive in a sick and twisted way on negative attention, she feels genuine pain on lack of attention. I also didn’t answer text messages while gone, no matter how mournful.
Here are some interesting thoughts on the dynamic from Aarons Holy Mountain:
One is that you’re simply dealing with an emotionally unstable nutter who needs to project her internal chaos on the external world, for that gives it a narrative. If she creates chaos it makes her feel like that’s what is causing her internal state, even though the truth is it’s the other way around.
The other reason is that drama is the only medium through which she can feel the relationship. It’s like how majorly depressed people experience anhedonia and the only way they can feel anything is by cutting themselves. Everything is dead inside so they resort to creating feeling in the absolute crudest way possible – pulling a blade across their skin.
Women who create this sort of drama are narcissists. Now we know all women are a bit crazy and dramatic from time to time and all men have been baffled by it at some point, but not all women are the kinds we call, perhaps, a psycho bitch.
Since narcissists feel inherently alone and like they can’t connect with people, they need a higher level of stimulation to feel connection. Simply being in association, talking as people talk, reciprocating as people reciprocate, laughing as people laugh, doesn’t feel like much to them. They need more. In the way a majorly depressed person needs to feel a blade on their skin to feel alive, a narcissist needs conflict and abuse to feel a relationship. Conflict is the crudest and most direct connection.
I like the theory of needing to externalize inner chaos as outer drama. I also sometimes get the feeling that some girls just don’t like ease and contentment – they especially don’t like you being at ease and content.
I’ve noticed that when my mind is filled with grumbling over some dame, I’m less interested in fucking other girls. Because I don’t feel positive inside. I’m not up-beat. I’m not happy with happyness to share. I don’t feel seductive nor inclined to seduce. Instead I’m in the mood to get over the girl, before moving on.
I wonder if some girls deliberately take the spring out of your step, just to get you too off balance to be seductive to others.
What keeps me from dating other girls right now is simple poor health. I only have the energy for about one good fuck in me, per day, and a little bit of work. Other than that I sleep and lay about a lot. Still make it to the gym though. I expect this to change within two months, and expect to then physically have other life options.
In the meantime, this way of managing the woman seems to largely “work”. It’s the third time I’ve stepped out to my other place. She cooks well and is mostly well behaved, and she’s still hot, and she still keeps me decently fucked.
One reason I like to blog about such events is that I’m sure other men are going through similar. Over a quarter of all young women are mentally ill.