There’s nothing wrong with solitude. You don’t need anyone else to make you happy. Break your programming, accept yourself, and just enjoy the ride. Life is too short to be tied down. You need somebody to talk to? Why? At the end of the day, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Be a man and learn from your mistakes on your own. You want to be loved? Look in the mirror and find it within yourself.
This advice is not suitable for everyone. For some people it is simply wishful thinking, and is not true and will never be true.
Some of us have a sex drive and have emotional and social needs that can not be met adequately in any other way other than with women.
It is a lie that all or even most men can be happy without women, and that all they have to do is find some internal balance to do so.
I’m speaking as a man who has spent years seriously devoted to internal alchemy, both on my own and with the help of a good Buddhist community. I’ve spent years studying and practicing various meditations, lived for months in solitary meditation retreat several times, lived for many months in a Buddhist monastery, and lived for many months in a non-monastic isolated Buddhist community setting.
I’m reminded of the T.M. meditators who believe that if they try real hard, and if they accomplish some internal alchemy, they will be able to fly.
They spend a great deal of time hopping in the lotus position.
The fact that none of them has ever flown doesn’t stop their very strong belief. It only seems to re-enforce it. If people haven’t flown, it’s only evidence that they didn’t try hard enough and didn’t believe hard enough.
The fact is that people get lonely, and that the cure for loneliness is not an acceptance of solitude – it’s company. People get horny and the cure for horniness is not porn – it’s women. Humans are built with levers, pulleys and buttons arranged in specific configurations. There is only so much internal re-arranging you can do – you can not re-design your brain wholesale. A very deep need that does not go away for healthy men is the need for sex and love and relations with women. It’s akin to the need for food and oxygen. It’s not a belief that can be altered by other beliefs. It’s a hard wired necessity.
Some of us find it difficult to focus and feel like we are climbing the walls and get depressed and anxious and feel desperately uncomfortable if we don’t at minimum have access to regular sex.
The cure for those negative feelings is sex. Then life becomes very pleasurable.
A man should accept the fact he will be alone at times, and that the only real love comes within, while getting some pussy in the process. I think some people are just emotionally different, cause I can care less if I’m around people. I prefer solitude… either than the occasional dick wetting session.
Ya, that’s the philosopy I often hear. “A man should accept the fact he will be alone at times, and that the only real love comes within”
That sounds really good. But its quite philosophical. Is it practical? Is it possible? I’m saying that for some of us, it is not possible. It doesn’t and can’t happen. Some of us are simply not happy being alone for too long.
Personally I start to feel uncomfortable at the two week mark, and extremely uncomfortable at the one month mark.
I know that some people don’t feel this way. But those people have nothing useful to say about my personal experience. Some of us are better off learning how to get steady access to what makes us happy rather than focusing on how to live without it. Because we’ve tried living without it and it is extremely uncomfortable.
It’s like someone with a high threshold for pain advising others that when they go to the dentist that they really don’t need to use pain killer. For the guy sitting in the dentists chair, that’s all very philosophical. Pain isn’t philosophical, and no one wants to feel it. The cure for pain is not philosophy. And the cure for unbearable loneliness and horniness is not self acceptance.
Not for all of us, anyway. And I think not for most of us.
Sex like food? Nah, how many times we heard that? Without food we die. And without sex? If it were true, a lot of betas would be dead right now and the population would be very smaller.
Perhaps the metaphor puts it a little strongly. What metaphor would you use to convey that sex and companionship is a base need built into most humans? Because there is a word called “loneliness”, I know I’m not the only person who feels this psychological requirement for intimacy.
Most humans are wired, through millions of years of evolution, to feel uncomfortable when not in a position to mate, and to feel satisfied when in such a position.
It’s not a philosophical issue of whether we can be satisfied alone and whether we need sex or not. We simply have those feelings, and nothing other than sex and intimacy makes us feel better. And nothing in the world – no drug, no other experience – feels as good on a consistent moment to moment day by day basis as that initial flush of being romantically involved.
Therefore I propose that serial or parallel monogamy, with changing up the girls from every 6 months to two years is the path that will lead to maximizing happiness, well-being and life satisfaction for those of us who are not strongly family and child oriented.