Would be interested to hear your thoughts on effectively transitioning to a place where i’m not verbally sparring with a girl all the damn time. Getting stuck there way too much lately.

If your conversations with a girl resemble a game of ping pong, you aren’t taking a wide enough view. She says something, you hear it, and riposte back to her side of the table a different way to look at things, she returns your volley with another counterpoint, and so on.

You want instead to have an aerial view, and play from both sides of the table at once. Be the ball. Be the girl. Be the table. She says something, you internalize her frame of reference and understand her motivations – preferably better than she understands her own motivations. The you respond not to what she says, but to her motivations. So you might respond with silence. Or you might take what she says and agree with it, but twist her words just a bit so that what you are agreeing with is a completely different viewpoint to what she originally said. You want to focus on the mood, the underlying direction of the mood, the tone, and her motivations. And above all – don’t let her suck you into her wordplay. Use non sequiturs and silence more than witty ripostes. Control the frame, and the mood – don’t win the argument.

If you think of NLP principles, to manipulate the girls mind, you weave into the conversation positive associations.

Direct confrontation has it’s place, but it’s the same place that punishment has.

Generally you want to be a vibe that she enjoys.

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