I was cruising down Poppies Lane in Bali today with my girl on my rental scooter when I had to brake for a stumbling frat boy. His back was to me, and he was oblivious to my horn, until suddenly a round house kick headed near my direction – and the vague direction of one of his buddies.

I wasn’t impressed by the lunking luggish louts, and so revved the engine and started to motor past. Another frat boy directly in front of me thought it a good time to test his knowledge of physics, and leaned his shoulder into a tackle of my scooter. Fun! So I revved it full blast.

The scooter handily wins against a 240 pound lineman. The sounds of whap and crunch were a crowd pleaser, as I splated him aside without losing momentum.