I can’t believe I might break off with my hottie girlfriend. Physically she is perfect for me. She’s hot enough that shopping with her is not a chore, but fun, and gives me a boner. Every moment with her is pleasure – just holding her hand is a thrill.

But her sexual response really sucks. I’m used to a passion so strong that I get blow jobs in taxi cabs and finger my girl in the Mcdonalds. This girl is still put off by the thought of a blow job, while it’s her hand jobs that suck. I’m getting offended at being the sexual initiator all the time, and the constant battles. I’m worried her sex drive may never mature, and she’ll be a low sex drive hottie with a man of finely developed and powerful libido.

I told her as much – told I’m seriously concerned about if we should see each other. I’m seriously concerned about us having different sex drives.

She still wants me to meet her family. She does seem to have fallen for me. But that’s the pisser – in love but not lust? WTF!

I have no use for that.

Next day update: I told her I was leaving for the Philippines in two weeks to forget her.

I also with great exasperation and angry frustration lay on the floor and pantomimed her laying on the bed like a starfish. Told her that making out with her was like making out with a log. I could just as well use a blow up doll. Then did my best porn actress impersonation, hiking a knee up to my ear and screaming loud of enough for the neighbors to hear “fuck me, oh yeah baby, fuck me, fuck me!”. Contrast.

She told me we can start fucking now, and will sleep here tonight, and wants to marry me quickly.

I told her great. Yes, I want to marry her, but if the sex sucked then no.

I also told her that I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with her, and get closer every day. All true.

So, now I maintain hand, and may get a really great wife. Try before you buy.

Late night update: She’s not staying the night tonight, but she’s still bleeding anyway, and will come tomorrow. Had a little sexual play in the day – she’s still nervous but is changing her attitude a good deal. That’s just blah blah. The real change in her showed up during the after restaurant rest. She gave me a 20 minute face massage, 25 minutes of slow gentle kissing, had me climb on top for a hug and told me 3 or four times, “I love you soo soo soooo much”, in a voice a mix between relief, crying, passion, joy, and the telling of a deep mournful secret.

On my part I’m relaxing into her and becoming what I am, what I do best; intimacy. Intimacy, love, sex, and power. The latter two will take time for her to be able to handle.

Oct 5 morning update: I’m going to delete this whole mess soon. Big deal – I seduced a super hot girl. She isn’t what I expected and hoped for. No way I’ll marry her – in fact I told her I’d see other girls because of her lack of sexual response. What a frigid asexual freak. I don’t have the time or patience or interest to try to figure out how to turn her on.

Oct 6 update: The girl isn’t my first virgin. I had a different virgin in my bed for sexy play within a day of meeting her, I’ve deflowered another, then there were some girls who claimed to be sort-of virgins, whatever that means. Well, could mean something – my girl is now a sort-of virgin. I’ve never in my life come across the sexual fear and frigidity that my hottie displays. If she weren’t so damned hot, I’d be setting up other dates. The persistence just might pay off – I saw a few uninhibited glimmers of sexuality in her – if those expand, she could be great. There is nothing on this earth as beautiful as a beautiful face in the throes of uncontrollable pleasure. Unless it’s a face in gleeful empathy at seeing you in the throes.

Going out with her now for a lunch date and to buy some rope to tie up her hands and legs so she can’t fight.

I’m using hypnotic suggestions to get her to open to her sexuality. “Step by step you will become addicted to my cock. You will be a sex addict.” “Step by step you sexuality will open up, and you are going to be great.” And I set the frame about being relaxed and casual, slapping her with my dick or doing the bouncy dance. The girl had never seen one – the girl was terrified of cock and just about anything sexual. Step by step…

Aug 6 evening: I now get flashes of devotion and adoration in her eyes. It’s impossible for me not to give her that look, because she’s so damn hot. One of those love at first sight girls who men honk at from moving cars and whistle at from the sidewalk. One of those girls who keeps getting random marriage proposals. She wrote a love “tatoo” on my arm, and when I reciprocated with a love sticky note to her forehead, her face blushed and an uncontrollable burst of surprised delight seemed to touch her to near tears. Romantic chick. Seeing emotions flash around on her easily flushed face is way more fun than TV. She looks at pictures of me as a kid with open adulation, and says she loves him.

Now to get more of those flashes during sex play, instead of fear. It’s starting to happen. She may become more than fine. Step by step…

Oct 8: I again couldn’t take her sexual reticence, and again told her I planned to move out of the city. After a lifetime of deadly serious commitment on her part to never having sex before marriage, some remarkably unremarkable sex happened. While the sex sucked, the meaning of it relaxed me, and I’m now willing to totally re-wire her nervous system. That’s a big commitment of time and energy. I can see that she isn’t just stringing me along. As she is already deeply in love, the romance will help with the job.

I’m wired to not enjoy kissing until there is sex. She’s wired to not feel sex without kissing. Sucking her nipples won’t make her nipples hard, but 30 seconds of passionate kissing can keep them hard for 45 minutes. We both have a lot of re-wiring to do in order to find out how we can deeply connect.

One thing I’m sure helped with a shift in the relationship. A trick I often use. I told her that she is my property, and that I own her. That I own her pussy. That she is mine. That she belongs to me. I said it with force from my belly, and the statement captured her.

Whereas before she’d often tell me that she bets I “used to be handsome when I was younger”, now she says something has changed with her eyes, and that she loves me and she thinks I’m handsome. That’s what I’m talking about!

We’re both too far gone to turn back now. The next weeks and months will be about deepening a husband/wife type of bond. A bonding of romantic mates.

Oct 14: This is going nowhere fast. She spent another night, and I’d have had more fun masturbating. We’ve had what is technically sex a few times, but we’ve never really fucked. I don’t think this girl can be fixed. She seems genuinely asexual. I’ve read that some girls are. What a waste of a perfect body and face and romantic heart. She wants to marry me, but no way! Moving on.

Can you believe that after an asexual evening and a morning sex session that could be handled better by prepubescent retards, she wanted me to cook breakfast for her? God damn, woman, what good are you? Then the food she made sucked.

“When will you marry me?”, she asked. “After you have one hundred orgasms on my cock”. “But that would take a long time!”, she exlaimed. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it would take my last girl well under a week.

She’s going out of town for four days and can see from my countenance that I’m completely disinterested. She is all shook up, and looks terribly sad. Says she’ll miss me like hell. I feel nothing. Unless it’s when she’s apologising for making me sad, and then the sadness does surface – a woman I was falling for has zero lust for me – that’s worse than frustrating, it’s heartbreaking to the point of fury. I just made a phone call to an ex who insists on remaining my slave, no matter what “hey, how are you doing?” “What’s up?” “Nothing, I just wanted you to come over and suck my dick.” “Ok, I’ll be there in a half hour.”

I think I’ll arrange a cross country tour. Make an explicit dating profile of exactly what I’m looking for, exactly what I expect, and go fuck my way around several countries until I find a girl who is attractive and has a high sex drive and is witty and enjoys being a love slave. That’s what I had before, and nothing less will do anymore.

Oct 20: I gave her the talk tonight. Said it can’t work out. Sobbing and tears and denial. It was also an interesting day in that I woke up with one woman, an ex gave a lunchtime b.j., then at night I got naked with the sexually retarded hottie. Of the three, the perfect stranger gave the best sex. That’s fucked up.

Warning to all women who are holding out before losing your virginity – don’t wait too long – you may wind up being like an adult learning how to read – you can learn but it will come slower and you’ll never be great at it.

Update Nov 28. In the last few weeks I’ve been with four girls, and one of those now visits for days at a time and loves me up good. I also date girls that I haven’t fucked yet. I broke up with the super hot frigid girl again last week, but she refuses to stop seeing me, even after screaming disappointment with her and reminding her that I fuck other girls. Since that means she refuses to stop fucking me, as a man I have no choice, and must allow her to see me. The difference now is my schedule and time for her.

If the first six months of being monogamously in love make you feel as good as you can possibly feel, then seeing one romantic interest in the morning and a second in the evening is a close runner up. That third girl in the middle doesn’t up the happiness – it’s just happy excess.