It still hurts to wake up, sometimes. She’s still often in my dreams. I still get get a heart clenching burst of pain when I think of her, especially that last day.

I hadn’t expected all that.

I’ve been living with a companion these last 5 months, but not as a love affair. I’m barely getting ready to date again, but am tenuous as to how to approach it. That last mate and I had great chemistry and every day was our birthday and saying “Merry Christmas!” felt real even though we said it every week.

I’ve been with a number of women, and good chemistry is rare. Great chemistry is rarer. Great chemistry with no drama and boundless affection. That’s still directly in my expectation. So, I’ll be rather choosy as I date, cause you never know when a fuck buddy becomes a regular habit, and I don’t want to get stuck with less than I’ve grown accustomed to.