…blah blah blah… Daddy syndrome … blah bhah blah
There is no such thing as a Daddy Syndrome.
The only women who don’t have what you would call a Daddy Syndrome are women who have never been tamed and come to respect the authority of the man. Once you dominate your woman, she will treat you the same way a child treats her father.
It’s not a syndrome. It’s a universal sexual dynamic. The only reason this isn’t recognized is because most men die without knowing what it feels like to be treated as the dominant rightful authority of the household.
And the reason most men consider such doe eyed subservience as some sort of failing and a lack of mature autonomy on the part of the girl, is that most men have been indoctrinated to not seek power over their women first off, and secondly, most men haven’t the wherewithal to inspire feelings of paternal devotion from their mates. It’s a skill, a difficult skill, that takes training and practice. It’s an art form. An art form that needs to be taught.
So I’m trying to help with that.
Here’s a question though: what if, after all the banter and flirting has settled down a bit, she starts talking about her “problems”? The deeper issues in her life; for example, various family issues.
Given that she’s emotionally healthy, what’s the best way to deal with that? Blow her off? Change the topic? Tell her you’re not good at that kind of thing? Or actually listen?
Being a psychiatrist for a girl is tingle-destroying, for sure.
Most of women’s self initiated talk therapy is just girl talk. It’s a way of communicating that girls do. Most men – at least older men – hear it as “blah blah blah me me, and the she said, and so I said, and I can’t believe she said, blah blah, and don’t you agree, and you do, don’t you?”
I suppose it should be kind to consider deeper family issues in a different category. Something that talk therapy can help with.
Usually, not, no.
Talk isn’t that important. There isn’t really anything to discuss. Unless it’s for fun. Does she need to re-arrange her mental maps such that she can approach the world in a more effective way? Does she need to reprogram her thought processes to allow herself to be happier? If so, don’t count on being helpful – people are sadly inflexible, and if an adult needs therapy, they well be broken, rather than warped.
The trick is to choose a girlfriend who is usually cheerful. It may be impossible to avoid a woman with moods, but most can be so dominated that they stop throwing moods at you. If you are intolerant of moods and she wants to be with you, for the woman capable of restraint, you can conquer that last bastion of female style of household dominance.
If the girl is basically cheerful, and happy, forget about talk therapy. The therapy is laughing and smiling and joking around and enjoying yourself and loving and fucking hard and going out on the town and thrilling each other and being quiet and shutting the fuck up.
That’s therapy.
So as to what you actually do? Do whatever you are actually inclined to. If you are inclined to lose patience, then simply lose it. Just say you’re done talking for now.
There is far less need to be “sensitive” than most men know. If she doesn’t know that you love her already, that’s her problem. You don’t have to tip toe around each and everyone of her feelings to constantly prove it. If you would rather not spend an hour pouring over her emotional narratives, just get your point across in whatever way you selfishly want. In a humorous way, an oblique way, a blunt way, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you take charge and lead the direction of the discussion, and if she persists and insists on talking when you’ve finished talking, then be more forceful. Even to the point of saying “stop talking”, if need be.
In fact your woman should be very used to you saying “stop talking”, and you should have conditioned her to not take any offence at it. And to actually stop talking.
Oh, and as to useful therapy, I’ve found that my most influential mentors taught me the most non-verbally. It’s not what they said, it’s how they said it. Their style. Their panache. Mental training is learned not just be reading, contemplating, and meditating, it’s learned by mimicking.
If your woman admires you, and you are able to control the mood of your household, she’ll eventually take on that mood, and your household itself will be therapeutic.
You set the tone, you set the frame. You are the master of moods of aromas and music and you control the TV remote.
The verbal talk therapy is interspersed into that with anectodes, and very rarely do you ever talk about “her issues”, if at all.
A lot of women use the “we need to talk out some issues” theme as emotional blackmail to drain the man’s time and attention and to subtly get hand in the relationship. She is controlling his attention, rather than letting his attention be self directed.
Beware.
DON’T be kind about this.
This is a shit test. This is only a test. This test is brought to you by the emergency shit testing system. Had this been a real test, she would be telling you she has her own ideas or has taken on another advisor. Her asking for input into how to babysit and micromanage her mind is a test of your “shut the fuck up” system.
Seriously, a lot of women deliberately want to wear you down emotionally, so that your step loses it’s spring. You are constantly thinking about relationship “issues”.
This makes you unattractive, and she knows it.
It’s a game of dominance she is playing over you.
Now you know how to regain your hand.
Pinch her lips. Escalate up to WHATEVER you have to do to shut her up, even if it is physically carrying her out the door and locking it on her. Leaving YOUR house is not the way. She leaves YOUR house.
So – my attractive, Scandinavian, blonde girlfriend who plays innocent, but with lurking slutty streak has fucked up.
I, because I am sneaky, hacked into email and FB as soon as I suspected something (I found disturbing photos of her on her digital from a concert where she and this dude have got the way wrong body-language). Now – confronting her head on, she cooly said I had nothing to worry about.
3 months later I hack into her FB, and she is chatting with an ex-fling – convo is mostly harmless flirting, but flirting none-the-less. I also discover photos of her ex in planner.
Btw – we fuck every day.
Besides the fact that I am going to now channel my anger into a massive rage-fuck of the first available female, do I dump this girl’s ass without explanation, or do I explain to her exactly how she fucked up?
Care to hear a tale of how I handled a similar situation?
I logged into her yahoo chat history log, and found out she was flirting heavily enough that she was being open to make plans to meet an out of town stranger.
When she came home I was furious, and gave her a very viscious and angry fuck, and slapped her face hard, several times. She was afraid and had never seen me this way. Usually I just play rape, but this time I was serious.
Explanation? None. I just told her to watch her step.
Whenever the subject came up and she asked me what that was all about, I just told her to watch her step, because if she ever took a mis-step I’d dump her ass and kick her out the door and never talk to her again.
It was several weeks until I told her why.
I could have confronted her and told her I had dirt on her, but why bother?
I FULLY expressed ALL my emotions. And she was afraid.
It changed things, and step by step she became more tamed, and more resigned.
This was six months into living together, by the way.
Yes, I mate with sluts, but I never, never trust them. And I can tame them. A wild horse can be the best horse.
Random Xpat Rantings 
Doug1 comments, quoting me:
Yes, Doug, I’m aware that in some western countries, depending on the girl, what I did could land me in a whole heap of trouble. Actually, it can land you in trouble anywhere – women can always make false abuse claims. And police plant drugs on people in SE Asia as well. I’ve actually been subject to false arrest for walking out on a girlfriend and taking my computer with me, so I know that women can be psycho, and use the law unjustly.
I did not leave the west because of domestic abuse laws. I left because I can live more cheaply and therefore be more financially successful in SE Asia, and because I can easily date women in their early twenties even in my forties.
But it’s also no accident that I’m not living in a country that has the laws you speak about. The war of the sexes is much more sane in SE Asia. The matriarchs tend to hold the balance of power, but a man who wrests power from the matriarch is respected. Patriarch is not a dirty word. Male parents and grandparents are treated with respect. A man can be a man.
And if I told my story of hitting my girlfriend even to her sisters and parents, no one would berate me. Everyone is aware that a woman needs to be kept in line. You’d need to be retarded not to know that. It’s expected that a man would, and even SHOULD hit a woman under the circumstances I described.
I want to add that I don’t quite agree that if my girl was with me in the west and had become heavily western influenced I’d run the risk of her calling cops on me. I didn’t beat her, for one thing. I didn’t even humiliate her. I slapped her and expressed extreme anger and gave her a very serious and intense ultimatum. Made her know she’d never receive any more chances with me.
We were so bonded at that point that I knew she’d feel a death inside to lose me.
I didn’t wail on her in order to have her cower in fear, afraid she’d be hunted down if she left. The violence was calculated as punishment to let her know I wasn’t toying around, and I was pissed as hell, and that as far as she was concerned I had spied everywhere and she’d get no notice or warning about who or what was watching her and she could have my love – OR – TAKE A LOOK AT THE ALTERNATIVE, SLAP!
Sometimes you have to be really that in your face. With a hand.
She got the point.
And yes, of course she fell more deeply in love with me. That’s what happens. At one point she told me, and I’m sure she meant it, that if I ever left her she’d remain celibate until death. She was intensely devoted to me. If you saw pictures of us you could see it in every photo, how content she was, how enamored, how at peace. God, that woman adored me.
And I still cry, two months after he death. We were bonded as hell.
So you can see why I say that your advice against sluts is not universally applicable. A man with a high sex drive and with enough experience to play a player can have a hell of a great time and life with a slut. I owned that woman, and loved her. She was great. She was incredible. I’d not have traded her for ten virgins.
xsplat, I saw one of your posts on Roissy’s blog where you briefly described how you adopted the daddy frame with a woman who was 11 years older than you. How were you able to do that? I’d imagine that an older woman would laugh (shit test) and try to resist that frame.
It was only sexual role play, Joel, and she was immediately responsive. It worked so amazingly well that I could not help but explore further.
That relationship ended, as I wanted younger women and she wanted a Daddy figure with cash. So I went on to get what I wanted, and since the girls were much younger than me, I was able to more fully embody the Daddy persona.
I’ve played Daddy with many girls. Some at first think it’s really weird, but to a woman all come to absolutely adore it. They quickly take up the habit of calling me Daddy – usually with no prompting on my part, other than occasionally referring to myself as Daddy.
Anyway, back to your question: in sexual role play people pretend all sorts of stuff. Having the girl play daughter is a very sexually charged situation that girls universally find appealing. Even older women.
Can America really become more libertine? What is not permitted? If libertinism has reached its saturation point then we can only move either towards either social egalitarianism or cultural puritanism, but the center can not hold.
Perhaps I ought to be thankful. Look how much LESS cruel the actual world is than sociobiology. Even if it is but words, what wonderful words. At least in my personal life, even at Frat U, have humans really been that singularly brutal? Decadent, debauched, and wanton yes, but cruel and brutal? perhaps not.
You see humans as gorillas. A new grey-backed Alpha Roissy male wanders into a tribe, brutally murders the infant apes, and then cruelly rapes the grieving mothers and enslaves them as toys. Is that the story of human history? There is plenty of it. But humans are not complete individuals. There is the extended family tribal structure. Thus there may be wars between tribes, in which girls are the slave trophies, but is there really a universal war of males against females? Is there no sentiment of love and inclination towards daughters, wives, mothers, and sisters? Are fathers really indifferent to the rape and enslavement of their little daughters, simply because the ape is a fellow male? It is true when we see conflicts between communities the conquerers do treat their war prizes like apes. See the Trojan Women. But do fathers really crave the rape slavery of their daughters? Is there really a universal war of brother against sister? Love. I don’t see it at all in the young Romeo and Juliets. In them I see the chimpanzees in heat. But in the older, sadder, wiser, Lockhorns and their incessant middle aged bickering, in the old couple, there I see love.
In the end perhaps it is always better to never be born and to never try. It is all for naught. Oh to be like the ants and bees. EO Wilson says only their is their a genetic basis of altruism. But isn’t it a rigid feudal class system? No, there is a perfect division of labor. In good Lockean fashion, if the Queen fails to perform her role, she is summarily executed. The vast majority of the populace never reproduces and yet their genes are never weeded out. The entire colony shares the same gene. In this, the hive mind, truly inspires All for One, and One for All. It is a reverse invisible hand. The best way to serve one’s own selfish genes is to serve the herd. And so it is right for the Bonaparists to put bees on their flag as a representative of the good harmonious little republica.
I totally agree with you bout slutty girls. But to play this dominance game you need more than game. You need to internalize being, essentially, a prick.
I’ve never been able to manage it but I handle slutty girls fairly well; the trick is being able to walk away clean.
Alas, there might be something to what you say, being a method that works more often than not, because without it I’ve had to walk away clean before. And sometimes it wasn’t fun.
Read back to your first post in 03: “My idea of love is that it is bandwidth. The greater the depth and profundity of communication, the greater the love”
But now:“Talk isn’t that important. There isn’t really anything to discuss.”
This isn’t a ‘gotcha.’ It seems you have gone through an evolution. I notice because I’m evolving too, as a wonderful side-benefit of mid-life divorce. The rainbow-pony feminist ideals held most of my adult life are dissolving, replaced by dark, cynical wisdom. It feels great.
I wonder if your posts chronicle this change. There’s a lot to read here. Good stuff.
Hmmm. That’s an interesting point.
I’m not sure how or if I reconcile the two notions – they both still seem true enough.
I suppose there is extraneous information, the white noise of communication, and that most of what we say is that.
And I suppose that as you say there must be some shift in values going on. Or maybe my hierarchy of needs is coming into clearer focus, and talk is showing up lower down on the list.