On a different note, there ain’t no cure for love, and there ain’t no cure for heartbreak. Three weeks after losing my mate, even with my ex-mate here taking care of me, the grief can be intense. All this talk about oneitis is just philosophical noise – bonding is a good thing worthy to strive for, and when you lose it the grief period can’t be cured. If it can, tell me how. God, the dreams – excruciating. In real life I saw her die a horrible death, and now my missed loved one returns in my dreams, in her near death vigor. Ughhhhhh.

Even after 11 months, we were so close. We’d talk while kissing. Spent all our time together. She’d declare how much she missed me on return from getting the groceries.

The realist

@ Xsplat

Get some prozac or testosterone for that oneitis bro, seriously.

Is someone posting as you trying to make you look Beta or something? I haven’t felt like that since i split with my first love when i was 19, i don’t make the same mistake twice.

But yeah the dreams are bad shit, i even had dreams that predicted the break-up and in the end i was left wondering if i could see the future or if it was self fulfilling prophecy…..Bad shit.

Realist, if bonding is beta, may I always keep a bit of beta inside me.

Bonding vastly improves my quality of life.

I’ve lived with a small harem of three with little love, and compared to a monogamous (not out of principle but passion) relationship with love, I’m happier in the latter.

Of course I’ve also had non monogamous love – polyamory. That’s pretty cool too. But what I found there was when I lost one of the girls, there was still grief.

I’ve grieved a woman for two years. Twice. Both times I was doing well sexually, dating hot young girls with whom I shared intense sexual chemistry. It sucks and I wish there were an off button. But it’s the flip side to the on button of bonding, and it’s that button that fills your days with meaning and pleasure and peace and happiness and lust and fun.

Its simply impossible to have what I want and be able to avoid the grief of loss. Unless the girl doesn’t die before I fall out of love. That would work.

In fact, Realist, when I talk about keeping a bit of beta inside me, I refer to retaining my humanity.

I once dated a girl with a lizard’s heart. She described her own heart as cold as a stone. She’d been a prostitude for a time, and had decided against falling in love. And I’ve dated other girls with hearts that weren’t stone, but were clay.

I’ve noticed in myself that I can lean towards being stony, and therefore protect myself from heartbreak. I can take the same path those girls carefully explained they were taking. Have sex but avoid attachment so as to avoid heartbreak.

I don’t do that. Because I see the result, in other people. I learn from their mistakes. It’s not a road to happiness or fulfillment. You bar yourself from a good outcome out of fear of a bad one.

I still am capable of and enjoy love, and plan to keep it that way. And since I live a life that fosters this, I am able to get girls to fall head over heels out of control completely in love with me. They wouldn’t do that if I lost my ability to bond.