Sometimes the drunken ramblings I post here are not much more than fingerpaintings with my own drool.  The last post would likely have been deleted after I let it sit for a week, but some of the comments in it got me thinking.

I’m a bachelor in my forties, and I’ve been in SE Asia for the last seven years or so.  So I’ve run across many of the games people tend to play.  I’ve been the object of game, and I’ve turned the tables and played a few players.  Here are a few magic tricks that I’ve learned for how to steal a persons heart and soul and wrap them around your finger and make them feel that life would have no value without  you in it.

I suppose I should be more sensitive to women’s feelings about how I handle this topic, especially considering how sensitive the subject of patriarchal dominance can be.  But I’m not.  Let the sexes battle.  And if you need a little armament for your next battle, I offer this.

Random Tips for How to Enslave a Woman:

– Do lots of role playing, and give her false memories.  “Remind” her of intense moments of intimacy you shared.  Remind her of how when she was your daughter, she used to come home all excited and  sneek off to the bedroom with you after class.  False memories can be as good as real.

– Do lots of role playing during the heightened emotional times of sex.  I’d like to give explicit examples, but if you haven’t done this kind of thing, it might merely offend to read about role playing games.  Use your imagination and don’t be afraid of sharing degrading roles.  Sharing secret shames can be intensely bonding.  Some women even like to play whore, or daughter.  Intense emotions of bonding can be shared with role play.

– Public (or loud or nearly public) sex.  Nothing says “we are a couple” more than public sex.

– Be really into her, show her lots of affection, be patient and kind and giving, send her random notes of love, and all the usual stuff that comes naturally.

– Run a bit hot and cold.  Push and pull, a tad.  Give her full blast love, and when she reaches out for another dose, back off a bit.  Make her  feel and therefore appreciate what you give her through contrasts.

– Ocassionally remind her of what girls are pursuing you.  Let her see girls giving you the eyeball in public, or randomly mention how some totally hot chick is, or was recently, totally craving to jump your bones.  Only do this if this is true.  If it is, and you can at the same time pull off a confident nonchalance at whatever shit fit emotionally manipulative test she pulls on you, then so much the better.  If she starts packing her bags and runs out the door, don’t chase her much.  Cooly ignore it, and then maybe give her a good long rodgering just before she makes it out the door.  Now you’re game is edging towards not merely being together, but being in control.  Dominance.

– Step up the dominance theme, slowly, as she becomes accustomed to it and begins to enjoy it, as a source and style of loving good feelings.  Own her.  And own her properly.  You can’t force a person to do anything, so if a woman is letting you own her, it’s a mutual game being played.  Play your game right, and win her heart.  Don’t expect her to just hand it to you, confidently and with great trickery ensnare it.  Earn it.

– Show gratitude for all small favors.  Reward behaviours you like, but rarely is it helpful to fight over behaviors you don’t like.  If some line was crossed and you want to punish, make sure that you are prepared – totally and truly prepared – to follow through and leave the relationship if need be.  Don’t threaten.  Be a presence of reassurance and kindness and gratitude, and reward her efforts at kindness towards you.  Ah, now the spider’s web is nearly complete.

– Now that you are central to her good feelings, and you have implanted false memories that reach way back into her past, she’ll start thinking of you as a stable unit with a future.  Notice what roles she plays in maintaining your household, and slowly add on top of your gratitude an element of delighted expectation.  She has her duties.  Whatever they are.  Maybe she likes to make you breakfast, and totally gets off on the pleasure it brings you.  Ok, re-enforce that.  She’s the breakfast maker.  Conversely you might want to be “the drink maker”.  Make it a habit to be the one who supplies her with her favorite cold drink.  Do you have a specialty dish you like to cook?  It’s a good idea to have her build positive associations for how you improve her life – so supply some small specialty, repeatedly.  And teach her to do the same – to take on specialty roles.  Are you the Grill Guy?  Or the Ramen Man?  Maybe you both like to cook, fine – the point is to ritualize some aspects of life, so that it’s easier to acknowledge her place and importance in your life.  She has duties to perform that you rely on, in order to live and enjoy life effectively – she has a place in your life.  You are entwined.  You aren’t just randomly sharing life together, you are each giving specific things that you both need from each other.

– Now that you’ve got your domestic game going on, you can make adjustments for her temperment.  In the role playing you’ve done, which roles get her most excited?  Is she a slave type?  Does she like to dominate?  A switch?  If she’s a submissive, it’s in your better interest to play that up a bit.  Order her around a bit.  She’ll feel more secure and respond well to some domination.  Slave play doesn’t do much for her?  Maybe her thing is to be matronly.  Let her groom your head and fingers – the grooming instinct is still strong in us primates.  I can’t remember the number of times I’ve heard “I love to pick the dandruff from your head”.  Or maybe it’s literature and art and philosophy and lively discussion that turns your woman on.  Add to the richness of her mental life.  Or business play.  Admire and foster her skills.  Or is she a wild flirt?  Disco life can be fun.  Now is the time to notice her styles and specialties, and weave them into your life, seamlessly.   She must feel that she is of you.  No matter what is her thing, find a way that you are integral to how she can express her thing.  Build on it.

– Maintain tension and drama.  A lot of people don’t get this one.  A lot of women totally overdo it.  Stability and security are the death of a sex life, so keep an edge to things. Be slightly unpredictable and be capable of leaving a gaping loss in her life.  I can’t emphasize this enough.  You are not the master unless you are in control.  By now you might have fallen hopelessly in love, and be mutually ensnared.  Fine.  Don’t forget your game though.  Don’t get soft and complacent.  You’ve got to maintain edge – it’s essential to renewing the first day fresh feeling.  And if that feeling is long gone and past, then push things up and right past and over the edge – if you get back together, great.  If not, great.  What’s the point of dull security?  What, are you 95 or something?  Afraid of a lonely future?  If you’ve got game, you won’t be lonely – you can easily ensnare another mate.

– Find your specialties and strengths and play to them.  Are you great in bed?  Funny?  Maybe you are adorably handsome?  A connoisseur of music?  Be the provider in her life for that.  It’s about associations – re-enforce positive associations of any kind to be associated with you.  Ignore your weaknesses, or make fun of them.  I’m a 4, sometimes a 3, but routinely call myself handsome in front of my girls.  Makes them laugh out loud, because in reality I’ve got a beautiful kind of fugly going on.  A face that grows on you, like a bad case of toe fungus.  Loveable in an I-love-a-good-hangover kind of way.  My ugliness becomes irrelevant and even slightly attractive, if addressed with a play to your strengths attitude.

– Now one last thing, and this is the most difficult one of all.  Be ruthlessly honest.  If you aren’t in love anymore, if you want to date other girls, if you find something about her intolerable, or of you are just bored to death of her.  It’s no fun having a slave if you become enslaved to being a slave master.  You’ve got to know yourself – this isn’t a game or a dress rehearsal.  There are times when you’ve got to be the one to lose, and start over.  That makes a man out of you, so do it if you’ve got to do it.  Game is for getting what you want, not for getting what you don’t want.  Know what you want, and only go after that.

Related: Young men misatribute the problem