sexual compatibilityMy girlfriend rarely comes, and it’s starting to drive me batty.

Yes, this is that kind of post, so if you get offended by frank sex talk, take your eyes away from what disgusts you, don’t slow down, don’t stare, and move along.

It’s driving me batty, and it doesn’t help that she is an excellent girlfriend in most other ways. She dotes, she loves enthusiastically, she’s romantic, I matter to her each second, and she tries, really really hard, every day, to make me happy.

She still doesn’t come, and what’s worse is our discrepancy in staying power. I’m above average in my staying power and needs for minutes or hours per day of sex. She tends to tire after ten or twenty minutes.

Ok, but she makes up for that by pleasuring me when she has no more oomph for receiving pleasure. The problem sometimes then happens that we lose sync and disconnect about what it means to be having sex. She’ll change position or ask me questions or stop a strong tempo, taking breaks in the middle of ecstasy. Can you imagine at the climax of Stairway To Heaven if someone kept fussing with the radio dial?

I’ve made it clear from day one that I’m not offering monogamy, and it’s my fault for not finding sexual compatibility. But we live together. I am just satisfied enough to not have the oomph to go out and work at setting up other situations. And if I did? I’d need hotel rooms, and a certain kind of girl.

I really don’t need to hear from people who have some deep seated need to play down the importance of sex. You are welcome to your own values. I have mine, and sex is HUGELY important to me. I’m not 80 years old. I can’t be satisfied with twenty minutes. I’m just getting warmed up in the first thirty. And I need to hear the loud screams and feel the contractions and feel hugely powerful with a woman of power. That’s as factual as my need for oxygen and meat.

I understand that some women will come only under a limited set of circumstances. I’ve some experience in awakening deep sexual feelings in women who thought they couldn’t have vaginal orgasms. I’m also aware that men and women have innate sex drives. Some of us have an ever present and powerful fire in the belly, some of us have other priorities. People vary widely.

I know many people tend to see all issues filtered through the gossip angles of self-esteem and blame. Blunt descriptions harm the sensibilities of such folk. It isn’t necessary to change the subject or downplay the importance of it as soon as variance is mentioned. People vary, and it isn’t about blame. Not every conversation boils down to whose fault it is.