sally.jpgThis is all lifted from the tuckermax message board from this thread. All questions are by men, all answers are by women:

Originally Posted by SkiGuy

Why is it that women have seemingly so much more trouble separating a professional/business mentality and a personal/friendly mentality?

There are women I work with, and who I have played sports with, who cannot take criticism of their work (TPS report, back-hand shot, etc.) because they personalize the comments. If something is wrong with the end product and it is pointed out, it isn’t taken as a professional critique, it becomes internalized as a transgression against their character to the female. The transgression is even worse when it comes from someone who is supposed to be a “friend,” or is someone they highly respect.

I think it’s because from a very early age, our only identity comes from our success. We are pushed so hard to be pretty, smart, and perfect. When we fall short in one area, it’s difficult to separate that blemish from the rest of our existence.

I think it’s good that we are such integrated people with high standards for ourselves. At the same time, it is an exhausting life to lead. Taking every criticism as a mortal wound isn’t easy. I don’t think this is likely to change until society’s expectations for us, and then our expectations for ourselves, change completely. Right now, women are expected to fill so many roles from tough guy sales exec to gentle housewife that there is no way to survive other than to intermingle all of those different personalities. As a result, the weaknesses of one will be present in another.

— and —

That’s an excellent question, and something I suffer from in spades. I think there are a lot of women (if you’re not one of them, kudos to you) who have a hard time taking criticism for what it is: criticism. Just because you point out an error in judgement does not mean I look fat that day.

I think emotions and self-doubt are part of the problem, as is the desire to be viewed as good – or better – than our male counterparts. And while I understand that acting batshit crazy is achieving the opposite effect, I get upset when we think I’ve failed or performed sub-par. It’s hard to rationalize, but everytime I’m told that “you could have done this differently”, I hear “You fucked up”. I’ve gotten better at it, but there have been some Oscar-worthy breakdowns as a result, and I’m not proud of that at all.

As a general rule, we also want to be liked, and when it’s your job to play boss, sometimes it’s hard to play friend as well. So we tend to perceive critisisms as negative against US, versus negative (or even non-impacting) against our effort put forth on the job.

Originally Posted by MasterOfNone

Why can’t you accept what I tell you at face value? Why must you assume that everything I say has hidden meaning to it and layers of subtlety? Why can’t you understand that it is possible for me to sit there and not be thinking about anything?

Personally, I have a hard time with this. In my mind, if you’re just sitting there, something has to be going on.
Maybe it’s because my mind is always going a hundred miles a minute, envisioning every possible senario, replaying what we’ve talked about. It’s hard for me to understand that you’re really thinking about nothing.
Plus, we’re always told that guys don’t like to talk about their feelings, so maybe it’s just that you need to be encouraged to tell me what’s really on your mind.

— and —

Simply, because that’s how we are. We drop hints. We imply things rather than being straightforward. When we sit in silence, even our silence has meaning, so we, by nature, project that onto you and assume (wrongly) that you operate the same way. Obviously I can’t speak for ALL women, but I’d say this is the case more often than not.

 

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Originally Posted by Frisco Kid

Why would you rather ignore a problem and pretend it doesn’t exist, ala “what’s wrong” “nothing”, rather than doing the healthy thing and discussing it right away in a healthy dialog? It’s like pulling teeth to get at these things with you girls. You say how much conversation is important in a good relationship, but that’s only when YOU want to converse. Most of you are smart enough to realize that doing this only makes the problem grow out of hand. Please explain.

Probably waiting for a better time. If you’re in front of people, you don’t want to get into a potential screaming match or cry-fest. Or, if you’re about to go somewhere and need composure, right then is not the time to talk something through that may be emotional. It’s all dependant on timing and circumstances.

Also, it could be something inconsequential that just bothers us for a few days that isn’t worth the possible arguement. Something like natural female crazy, such as, you flirted with a mutual friend and though we know it meant nothing, it’s crawling on the skin for a day or two. Why go nuts on you about being a cheater and an asshole when in 48 hours we could get over it? Girls are a big old can of crazy and need to regulate it.

 

Originally Posted by MasterOfNone

Why can’t you accept what I tell you at face value? Why must you assume that everything I say has hidden meaning to it and layers of subtlety? Why can’t you understand that it is possible for me to sit there and not be thinking about anything?

Because it’s better for our self-esteem. Ex. A guy says, “You look good in white.” A girl might automatically think, “Wow, he said I look good in white… maybe he’s imagining what I look like in a wedding dress… I could so marry this guy, oh my God, we’d have like, the perfect life, et cetera…” See what I mean? Not all girls do this, but we do all try to read into facial expressions and between the lines because we’re so used to trying to pick up on this stuff from our girlfriends.

Originally Posted by DietCokehead

Why do you insist on asking us what we think of ________ and then get upset no matter what the answer is?

If you don’t want us to answer a question, why do you insist on asking it?

Because we want to hear you say what we want you to say, not what you really think. (That was a confusing sentence…)

Why can’t you accept what I tell you at face value? Why must you assume that everything I say has hidden meaning to it and layers of subtlety? Why can’t you understand that it is possible for me to sit there and not be thinking about anything?

 

Quote:

Why are you so uncomfortable with long periods of silence?

These two go together. We have to look for hidden meaning because that is the way that WE communicate. Everything must be delved into so that we don’t miss an innuendo or shading that we would have to look back on later and say….”So, that’s when the son-of-a-bitch was probably doing this or that.”
And please…we know that when you are sitting there not saying anything that you are probably thinking of sex. We just want to make sure that we are the ones that are featured in your fantasies, not the girl that just walked by or the actress on TV.

we like your company and want to know what you think as long as it agrees. That one lady was right. women are a bit crazy, but mainly because we desire to understand you. Once we accept that there is nothing going on in that head but food and beer, sex, and sports, with an occasional song or movie, then we will stop doing that.

We over think. Guys arent plotting… they are thinking “what a shame there is no football on..” While u are thinking this, women are thinking “I wonder if he still finds me metally stimulating?” the truth is, he probably never did.

How can you not slit your own throat when you have the following conversation with your female friends about your boyfriend?

This is another time that we are looking for positive reinforcement from someone. We want to hear about how we are too good for the guy and how dare he treat us so awful.

Originally Posted by CaptCapital

Why do you read Cosmo?

Women’s magazines, all of them, are fucking stupid. They are writen for stupid people. They make you dumber for reading them. Why do you do it?

Fashion, hair and makeup ideas.

We don’t read those magazines. We look at the pictures.

—- and —

As someone said, fashion. Plus, sometimes there are fun sex tips.
Plus, it’s just mindless entertainment. It’s light, and fun, like watching cartoons or something.

[3.] And since we’re talking about your friends getting guys, you girls do realize how easy it is to get a guy, right? So what’s the big deal?

There is no big deal. We make it one. We’re women.

Dear Idiot Women,

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the reason this thread exists is to get real, thoughtful answers to legitimate and semi-legitimate questions about the fairer sex. Responses like “we’re women” or “that’s just what we do” are the reason men call you vapid whores, I’m calling you idiots, and the world thinks you are unfit to lead. Now snap the fuck out of it and use your heads for something other than a placeholder for my penis.

 

Originally Posted by Nanashi

Do you ACTUALLY feel fat or is it a general sense of insecurity, or is it something else altogether?

I think it’s mostly just validation. We may be feeling fat that particular day (favorite jeans don’t fit right or something), pms-ing, just desperate for attention, whatever.

Most of the time, the girl doesn’t really even care what you think. She just wants to feel loved and accepted by you.

Why do you chicks go ga-ga over your wedding day?

American society has lost all of its coming-of-age and life-stage rituals. The big white American wedding is one of the last remaining ceremonial events that includes all the bells and whistles — establishing class and social status, community approval and blessing, religious tones, peer group adoration. So, the bride who is the de facto “queen for a day” is going ga-ga over what is basically the biggest ceremony in which she’ll ever participate in her whole life, and the last time she’ll truly be the center of attention.

And who cares what the cake looks like anyway?

All of her friends, and her mother’s friends.

Originally Posted by lhprop1

What the fuck is it with women sad movies? Seriously, I don’t get it. And if it makes you cry all the time, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALWAYS WATCH IT? Is crying fun for you? Jezus, if I wanted to cry I’d go chop onions.

An answer to this questions and other questions along a similar vein is simply that women are drawn to drama. Whether or not it makes us happy, there’s something intoxicating and addictive about emotional highs and lows. Also – I read somewhere that while men look for excitment from sports, their job, etc – women tend to look for excitement from their relationships. That’s one of the reasons why “bad boys” appeal to women – or women will stay friends with someone who pisses them off. It’s exciting, even when it’s hurtful. In other words – we’re a little crazy.

Originally Posted by mikester

2. On that note, why is it that when I am being polite and give you a compliment, you pause for a moment before thanking me. Are you trying to tell if I was serious or hitting on you?

We are actually thinking of a way to disprove the compliment, rather than accept it, and appear to be actually satisfied with something about ourselves.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikester

3. In this day in age, are you going out of your way to be more assertive and confrontational to show that you are just as good as any guy? It just seems that a lot of women are hellbent on asserting their independance, solidarity and strength by posturing at almost any given time. Why is that?

Because, we really can’t be any other way anymore. It’s not as if anyone can afford to sit home and be meek and unemployed. As hard as some of us try. Now that we’re all in the workplace, we need to compete. This just spills all over into everything else.

Do girls really dress themselves up prettily to go to occasions like this because they are worried about how judgemental their female friends will be about their outfits? Or do they spend so much time dressing up so that guys will find them attractive?

It is a little of both, but I put a lot of thought into what I wear, especially if it is a certain occasion and/or you are seeing people you know vs. going to a random bar you never go to so you don’t care. I need to be dressed somewhat similar to those I know at the event (don’t wear a dress if everyone else will be in jeans, etc.) but not in the same type or color of shirt.

Basically, we do it for both reasons. Of course we want to look attractive to the guys there, but we know that the women will judge the other women, as we will do to them.

Originally Posted by OReilly

Question 1) Why do women say stuff like this when they really want Johnny Asshole? All the data shows that in their youth girls go after jerks and cads and that’s fine if it’s your thing, but that’s not what I’m taking issue with. If the asshole is what gets you wet, why, when asked, do you say stuff like what this girl said (ex. I want my man to treat me with kindness, sensitivity, etc.)?

Question 2) Those types of fantasy guys do exist. Most of them are gay, but the ones that aren’t are rebuffed for being “too nice.” So if this fantasy actually appeals to you, why do you date men who break their promises, cheat on you, and give you less than what you want? I know the emotional volatility gives you an emotional high, but then why even kid yourselves with the fantasy?

These are pretty much the same question, yes?

The key phrase is “in their youth.” Girls do want to be treated nicely, by the nice guy. But, they also want Johnny Asshole because, in the 18-25 y.o. bracket, he tends to be the alpha male (see prior posts).

Being attracted to alpha males is a genetic, furthering-of-the-species, cellular-level thing, and it can take emotional maturation and a few dumpings for a girl to wake up to the fact that Johnny Asshole is, well, an asshole… and also that there are alpha males out there who aren’t assholes (i.e. the middle ground of nice-but-not-doormat, as previously mentioned)… or even that the alpha male isn’t all he’s cracked up to be in the first place.

Originally Posted by GolfingAndy

Why do you feel the need to repeatedly ask annoying and asinine questions during great movies and sporting events?

Because we aren’t interested in whatever you are watching and won’t admit it…..or are stuck watching your illogical action movie/pointless sport commentary blather because our upper thighs have melded sweatilly to your vinyl chair.

Originally Posted by Anna Takes

Being attracted to alpha males is a genetic, furthering-of-the-species, cellular-level thing, and it can take emotional maturation and a few dumpings for a girl to wake up to the fact that Johnny Asshole is, well, an asshole

Here you basically admit that women are HARDWIRED for this behavior, which is true, and backed up by scads of behavioral studies. It is therefore a little disingenuous to suggest that “some” women participate, and incredible that you would refer to Hasekbowstome’s posting as “hysterical generalizing”.

I’d be inclined to just tell Hasekbowstome that yeah, it’s not at all fair, and bitches are crazy, so sack up and develop some game.

FOCUS: Why do you crazy bitches feel the need to justify your batshit insane behavior in terms that any idiot can plainly see is abject bullshit?

I have a hard time taking my girlfreind seriously in conversation because her and I don’t have much in common. This leads to a lot of arguments because she accuses me of ignoring her when she talks which isn’t the case, I am just not very interested. How can I tell her this without looking like an asshole?

My boyfriend has plenty of interests that differ from mine, and we both make an effort to share in each others different interests – If she’s talking about something she’s really into, or passionate about, the burden is on you to actually listen to her. Now, if you are tuning her out because she is talking about clothes, her friends, bitching about work, worrying about something silly and petty, or something else stereotypically FEMALE, that’s another story. In that case, I’d recommend you simply level with her and remind her that you are a guy and these things do not generally take up space in your brain, and that’s what she has her girlfriends for.

Ladies, are common interests a neccesity in a relationship? If so, is that what initially attracts you towards a partner?

Some common ground is important, but I’ve found that for me, personally, it’s more important to have a similar personality type than it is similar interests. It actually gets boring pretty quick if we’re into the same sort of thing, and I think it can be easier to fall into a rut if that’s the case.

 

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