Love is not enough for a good relationship, nor is good conversation. I’m not an air plant – to be nourished I need roots in earth.
Filipinas describe themself on dating websites as “a simple girl”. That used to turn me off – I want an educated woman of complexity. Or do I? So often those that graduate into being able to think become heady and distracted; tenuously tethered or even divided.
My needs are simplifying. Things seem simpler. The earth I require is physical chemistry expressing appreciation in time; good time together. Most everyone talks that talk, but when meeting new dates and when I look around me, it is not most common to see people put their time and attentions towards the roots of their needs. What percentage of each day, each hour, each minute is spent enjoying love and communions and celebrating any of the many aspects of being? How much effort is made attending to nourishing our roots, and how much towards foliage and the greenhouse?
It seems so simple for two people to just love and take care of each other and make each other happy. Lots of people do that. And many more sometimes do, but have other more pressing priorities. I don’t understand these other priorities.
Squabbles, long work hours, barely satisfying diversions, all these I see as effort to get things into their correct place. Remove the lint from the carpet, re-upolster the couch, keep the career on track, stave off boredom. Attend to the important details until lost in them, until the mudprints on the rug are more important that the lover who made them. Until celebration becomes only punctuation in the book of life.
The carpet and couch mean nothing to me, other than being places to enjoy, preferably with my lover. We don’t squabble, and our aspirations all lead back to enjoying. We don’t aspire for the sake of it, as if happiness is something we can aquire through effort. We see no art in painting more and more of the world as “ours”. It is the same to me live in one simple room and visit a castle as it is to live in one simple room within my castle.
The simple art of mutual enjoyment is primary to me now. Great conversation is a tasty mutuality, but doesn’t seem earthy to me. The earth and air and rain that nourishes me in relationship are variously composed, and as communication is partly verbal, so too what is important to me in relationship is at least 70% non-verbal.