moving-fuck-giff.gif1) It is competition: it can make my man horny and raise his gaze away from me and raise his expectations past what I can or want to provide.

2) It is shameful. Shameful and therefore even immoral – someone is getting shamed, and that is wrong.

3) It harms the actual female models.

4) It harms women by changing men into people more likely to be harmful to women.

5) The women are working too hard for self esteem points, and worse than that, the points are being handed out by asshole men. I don’t want to be dependent and inter-dependent upon other peoples validation, and porn shoves in my face self esteem being tied to looking a certain way and doing certain things I don’t want to associate with. The whole self-esteem system it portrays sucks.

Have you ever had a rational discussion with someone who had an emotional base to their argument? They show you the forest of their ideas, tree after tree. If you cut down a tree here, or point out that another is but a shrubbery, they feel that you miss their big picture. You can ask them point blank: “Is this what you mean? Because if so, here is how I disagree – do you agree or disagree with my disagreement” and the most likely response will be a diversion to point to a new “tree”.

I think regarding porn, it comes down to these five deeply seated emotional feelings. The rational arguments are smokescreens.

Each of these 5 emotional negative responses to porn have obvious answers.

1) Women often mention that women are extremely competitive. There will always be competition, and you always will not like it. Porn works very hard to be effective at getting your man horny. Your man isn’t going to sex the models, and probably will sex you more after seeing porn. If you can’t even compete against porn, you aren’t trying hard enough to deserve to complain. The world is not and will never be fair, competition is built right in. Whining about advantages that others have as being unfair or wrong is adolescent. Literal Equality should never be achieved.

2) If you feel sex is shameful or that any sexual act is inherently shameful, you are sexually ignorant. There are ways to embody sex that appear on the outside as harmful to one, but are enjoyed by both. S&M for instance can only be fully understood if it is also fully embodied subjectively.

3) Most porn is made between consensual adults. If you have a beef against sex slavery, that is a separate issue. If your mind is not capable of keeping those issues distinct, you are not literate enough to discuss the issue. Does a percentage of porn using sex slaves taint the porn between consensual adults? If so, use that same analogy for all your other “logical” thinking. Friendship is bad because some friends cause harm. Homosexuality is bad because some gays practice pederasty or pedaphilia. Marriage is bad because…

4) As for porn changing men for the worse, if you don’t have the power to change him back for the better, you either aren’t trying, or aren’t skillful or are limited in your approach to what is better or worse, or he needs something you can’t give. Don’t blame porn for mis-educating your man. If you are not bigger cultural and sexual influence than porn, what is amiss is more serious than images.

5) If you don’t want those being-seen-as-sexy self esteem chits, don’t want them. If you do, who do you want to be sexy to? Yourself? Women working hard to be attractive by wearing sexy clothes and make up or performing sex acts get positive attention. They work for that attention, they get it, they earn it. Do you honestly expect to rescue women from male power to hand out wanted attention? What an incredibly naive and blind concept – that acting sexy is giving up power to the wrong people. People who work for approval do it on purpose, for selfish reasons. No one would do so otherwise. So give up trying to change the capitalist based self-esteem system. We labor in it with our free will. Stuff your utopia – it is disfunctional. You say that nobody really needs those self esteem points? Men can’t really give them, and the wrong people are getting them, for the wrong reasons? The wrong people are getting the self-esteem chits that you are not working for?

I can understand a loathing of tying self esteem to uncontrollable outside forces; men should not have power to hand out self-esteem chits. Hey, wake up and use the system. Love it. It feels good. Rise above it, if you like, but use it when you want. Being sexy must mean being vulnerable to being judged through other people’s view of what is sexy.

Other=other. You can not explain to other people what you would prefer they find sexy. What other people find sexy is going to very often be something you don’t want to be or do. So let them enjoy their porn.

I’ll need to re-write the 2nd half of this post – it is too bitter to be effective. Or the interested reader can read my more balanced comments. I’m reacting with frustration to decades of feminism that prioritises certain of women’s needs, while dimishing the value of both masculinity and femininity. To the ugly facts of life being twisted into misandry and visions of oppression.

I suppose I should mention that I’m not particularly interested in porn, for the same reason that I don’t have sex with prostitutes. Sex for me, and for most men, is largely about intimacy and shared pleasures. I’ve many times enjoyed watching porn while having sex with a partners who requested it though. Most of my collection was downloaded at the requests of girlfriends.

UPDATE: I was wrong. These comments over at the tuckermax board show that people really do get desensitized and have different expectations after watching a lot of porn. Go figure. Your mileage will vary.

People also get different expectations after having different partners, but porn seems to be having a similar effect to dating super hot babes – it’s hard to eat a steady diet of beans when you’re used to lobster.

I know that after living here in SE Asia for 5 years, my physical/sexual girlfriend expectations are way higher than I would even try for in the west. It makes a really big difference to have strong hots for who you are dating. So ya, I guess women have to work a lot harder to keep the experienced or porn watching guy sexually interested. My girlfriends mostly have entranced me, so I never noticed porn as any sort of competition.

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