Noni loves me. I haven’t kissed a woman in that way for years. Kissing with her totally rocks, I could just kiss her without needing to fuck. Usually I have no mood to kiss at all, unless I’m fucking. I feel like a teenager again, kissing her. We have this incredible hunger and satisfaction and thrill, mixing with each other, and the sensations get deeper each time, as if we are starting to be able to reach into each others deep being.
Deep being – I sat by the ocean today. I also went to the gym. I tried to keep my eyes open. Let the visuals in. Letting go and being wider, there was a sense of being more than seeing. Walking and swimming in beingness.
Noni loves me, and I felt my heart, as we lay exausted next to each other. At first I felt my usual energies, and breath and attention moving them in little thrills and streams. Then there was the strangest thing. I felt HER love in me, and the world totally changed – there was a sense of reverence – a holy glow.
So you see why I say that Sex is prayer? The most important act that humans do?
Regardless of what those feeling may or may not reduce to, whether love truly can touch love in a reverent beingness, or not. Contentment and joy and plain old fashioned happiness. I can joyfully dance, joyfully look any stranger in the eye, and enjoy seeing colors. Inside my heart is contentment, and year by year promises more – has delivered more.
I’m so grateful to all these little girls – even the ones who totally fucked me over. Learning to love, and to be love, is quite a chi kung.
Sometimes I pour out love, my heart is a furnace. Sometimes I drink it in. Sometimes our lusty polarities mix it. And there are so many sexual positions that internal energies can take, from holding sex in the belly to letting the spine be totally open and large energies pour down from the top of the head and thrill up from below the feet. It’s endless.
So ya, no way do I want to die. Being is so good. I love being.
When I first had sex, I was in my head, thinking and noticing. But nowadays I’m more just there, given over to it, embodying it, being it. I’m very present with my lovers. I almost never have any room in my experience to fantasize about another lover, as who I am with is so very engaging to me. Being with someone, sharing intense passion and lusty sex and becoming being. Being is so good.