Yes, there are some lovely and caring girls here in Indonesia, but I haven’t had luck finding them yet. I’ve dated several women here this year, but didn’t find any keepers. Either they were too conservative, or there was not enough chemistry, or they preferred to exercise their options too liberally. Any man visiting Bali will be warned that most of the girls are “dangerous”. We are both a sport, and an industry.

Sarah, on the other hand, stuck with me through a very lean year. I respect how highly she values romance. I am a lot older that her, and to be blunt, I’m ugly. For some reason, we still have incredible chemistry, and she ruined me for other women.

We lived together for a year, and have been apart for one year now. I left her because she has a personality disorder that makes her nuts and scary at times. Living with her is at times very difficult.

She is both the best and worst girlfriend I’ve ever had. I’m a strong believer in physical chemistry, and our magnetism towards each other is unstoppable. We always fall freshly in love, and remain intensely passionate. So, I guess I’m stuck with her. The bestest and worst little girl in the world. I don’t seem to ever get enough of her, and no one else comes close. And for whatever reason, she is also still crazy about me. Even now, one year later, and after we both dated around. So we’ll try again.

You asked how we met. It was at the disco. I’d been in Cebu for about a month, with the intention to live there for a while, and was looking for a serious girlfriend. I had met several lovely women, some interested in me, but was still single one night when I decided to check out the local disco. She was the sexiest girl there, and so exactly my type that I was compelled, impelled, propelled to go say hello. By that time I was pretty wasted, and we had a laugh being rather uninhibited. From the moment I met her we rarely spent time apart. A very strong, physical, passionate bond. So intense that I want to describe it, and so I often write about it, but I’ve found that not everyone appreciates that kind of connection. People say that it fades, or that lovers should appreciate also other ways of connecting. I don’t know about that, but for whatever reason the passion between us has always been a really big deal, and I like it. She just ignites me. And when she is not in devil mode, she is very attentive and devoted. We found our different ways to take care of each other, and we feed each other.

I just wish she wasn’t so nuts. It would take many pages to explain the common problems someone with the traits of borderline personality disorder gets into. It’s not a pretty picture. It is thought that as they are growing up, abuse and neglect lead to some of their brain development being arrested, and they don’t grow the connections needed for things like fine emotional regulation, so they sometimes feel emotions, like jealousy, uncontrollably and all out proportion with reality. And many other problems. Like emotional manipulation, revenges, deliberately trying to make me angry, etc. Not pretty sometimes. It’s tough work being with her sometimes. Bestest and worst little girl in the world. She may be a difficult woman sometimes, but she is my difficult woman. I’ve never felt so bonded to anyone. Who knows why, but for some reason, we just seem to fit together in some powerful ways, and don’t seem to find that much magic with other people. It’s kind of amazing that she still thinks of me all the time, and misses me like crazy, even one year later.

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