I still haven’t bought a video cam. Wish I’d captured yesterdays little event.

I’ve been doing a lot of chi-kung and kundalini meditations recently, and yesterday the intensity of it was far greater than ever before in my life. Then, after some very intense and yummy sex, I decided what the hell. I’ll just do it. I’ll just go ahead and blast Sarah with a lot of chi flowing up her spine and whole body. So I did that, while she was coming. I’ve done just a bit of that kind of thing a few times before, sending some energy from my right hand into someone’s spine, while raising my own energy, but this was qualitatively different. For one thing, I sent the energy from my 2nd chakra, not my hand, for another, it was not some pleasant trickle, but quite a large wide and sustained blast. Sarah was trying to push me off of her because it was so intense, and I was wondering if it was too much, as I am aware that some nerve damage is possible with too much of that kind of energy, but I would not stop and let her have quite a blast for maybe 20 seconds or so. It would be better to do more subtle work for years, but failing that, a big crude blast will certainly open things up. When she could speak again she said it felt like a lot of electric energy going up her. A while later she felt an energetic lump in the back of her throat, like she needed to gag. She felt that all of yesterday and a bit of today. That was to be expected, as her throat chakra is closed, and the energy hit a block there. I’ve had a similar experience from time to time for several years, and to this day the throat is the hardest chakra to open.

It occurred to me yesterday that my spinal kundalini energy opened quite powerfully about 18 years ago, I’ve been regularly having intense kundalini powered sex ever since, I’ve been practicing chi-kung for over 10 years, and I started studying energetic healing about 6 years ago. For about 10 years, from the inspirations and practices of chi-kung, I’ve been trying to get this rooting energy going, but it only happened big time within the last 5 months. Now that that is going on, everything is different – I have all the tools I need to really do very strong chi-kung and kundalini practice. It isn’t just a matter of directing attention and feeling some energies anymore, but now I can receive energy from above my head and have it flow huge down a wide pipe to well below my perinium. Or bring energy up from below my pernium, and mix it with downward flowing energy in any chakra, or mix it with energy from the coxxyx, as in the very powerful vase breath or kundalini practices. Yesterday, while walking along in the mall, I placed my attention at once well above my head and below my feet. I can’t describe the intensity of the experience – very electric, to say the least. Later, in the jeepny (little bus), while mixing prana and apana I had a little orgasm in my throat. All the while acting straight, while totally fucking buzzed. It gets a bit painful, so I drank a bit last night, quelching the fires, and didn’t practice any energetic exercises today until about 7pm.

Sarah thinks my energy is already strong, but I know that this is just the beginning. I’ve never felt anything quite like this. There is a lot of work to do, but it’s fun. I feel balanced, fairly normal, everything is regular. Same old same old, yet the chi-kung focus and power is increasing greatly. I’ll be curious to see what comes of that. I’ll be ordering many respected books on Daoist meditations in the next day or two. Most of the main energetic practices are contained in the Daoist teachings. I’ve been lucky enough to had the main ones already taught to me by Demeris and her husband, and a few other teachers, and I practiced with a group with Demeris and her husband many times over a period of a few years, so the books and a lot of regular practice should be pretty well all I need, at this point. I know it all sounds pretty weird, but as I understand it, there is a well travelled journey described in subjective language that requires many years of various energetic practices. A person creates pathways for energies. It takes a long time, usually. Nearly 20 years, so far for me, and I’ve only just now begun to strongly feel “apana”, or that downward flow of energy. That was a major key, without which the upward spinal energy previously caused imbalance and health problems, along with giving me some sexual prowess. It’s all very different now, as I can both root and bring energy down from above – no longer am I just spitting out balls of spinal energy out the top of my head, or just raising that energy up the spine. That was crazy intense, but only a small piece of a bigger puzzle. I’m so grateful to finally have not only the teachings and initiations I was looking for, but the groundwork for intense practice already laid, and the time and inclination to practice.

It is hard to also make time for the formless meditations of my Buddhist background, but slowly, step by step, the night time is also becoming a time of meditations. A few semi lucid dreams so far, sometimes meditating on the sound of the fan, and very often practicing chi-kung meditations in my “sleep”. Twenty four hour awareness is possible, but you know it takes a great deal of discipline. I’d have to raise my “refresh rate” much higher, noticing many more mind moments per second. I’d also have to greatly widen my sphere of awareness, expanding the many things I’m aware of at once, while simultaneously relaxing the mind and letting go of clinging. That takes a lot of mental discipline. Constant, many times a second discipline. But it can be done. The fruition for it is probably not that great – you are stuck with being awake all the time, which can be a bit of a drag. But I also know that if I do this right, I’ll have intensely greater compassion as well as power. That would be good. What the fuck, might as well.