I made some oral notes in my tape-recorder about my understanding of stages of the meditative path, obstacles and inspirations to a developmental path, and added a few metaphysical and other speculations. Getting the words off of tape and edited is similar to work, so I’m not sure when that will happen, but the outline of the stages of meditation is from personal experience and seems straightforward enough and I’d like to share that with you and anybody. I know that it’s been done, but anytime someone tells a common story from personal experience it revives the life of it and adds just a tad more accessibility.

Sarah said to me last night, as I twirled my hand above her solar plexus, “Wow, you are really strong now!” I wanted her to just be quiet but she had to explain that she strongly felt a feeling of jello being stirred inside her. Ya, of course, so what, be quiet, I thought. I’m not going for that. That’s easy and simple. What I’m really trying to learn is how to be a spiritual healer, not an energetic one. After that I worked on not stirring up much, not moving much, but on listening more intently and noticing some sacredness. That doesn’t yet come easily. Later I successfully opened her solar plexus all the way, and that temporarily opened her throat and crown chakras, but they quickly closed again and I could not open them. I stopped the session after 10 minutes, as I don’t want to overdo it with her. Bit by bit. I understand that yes, I do have a lot of power going through me now, and I don’t want to be causing any nerve damage or unbalancing her, or anyone.

I’ve been reading a bit about Kundalini. Many, if not most people who really have strong kundalini experiences get nerve damage and serious physical and mental complications in their life. Some people die from these. I’ve had some of that, but by now many of the major channels are open and used to some energy. I also know that “some energy” is a relative term. A LLLLLOOOOOTTTT of energy is a relative term. Even now, I could really fuck up my life and body if I took a small mis-step with kundalini. Even seeing God in the eyes of another can blast a person, in the time of 1/5th of a second. Many people have mentioned their experiences with opening the fire hydrant valve into their little nervous systems. I know that regardless how big my nervous system gets, there is always a bigger fire hydrant. Infinitely bigger.

It often crosses my mind that I have been lucky and on the right path with Sarah. It was only through her that I discovered this going down energy, related to the anal g spot. I recently read that is one of two essential components of working with kundalini. For over 15 years I’ve been trying to get a strong channel for energy to go down. I’ve done many practices and sought help from healers. It was the sex with Sarah, and now that channel going down is strong, and getting stronger. I have something to work with now – something powerful, going down. I needed that more than I can explain – it was essential to my emotional, physical, energetic, and spiritual development. Without that working with kundalini would be more dangerous and less effective, and I’d have a much fainter conduit to power and healing. Any time the upward force is not balance by an equally strong downward force, I stop, and focus on the downward force. It is essential to be well grounded. Did you know that it has been said that a huge pitfall that befalls many practitioners is energy getting stuck in the psychic centers? Once stuck, it is near impossible to get unstuck, and enlightenment can not happen. That is serious. With this huge downward flow, which opened most strongly after that big anal fucking but was only made possible from resonating with Sarah’s energy, I feel there is a much better chance to work with very powerful energy without having it get stuck behind my eyes and always going up up up all the time. I had to have that, and it is all from Sarah. Little fucked up Sarah! What an incredible gift.

That downward flow, associated with the anal g spot and a feeling of shitting, is precisely mentioned in the kundalini literature, and is very heavily relied upon in chi kung practices. Fundamentally important to these energy practices. It was beyond me for years and years. Sarah.