Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Being civic minded prevents love and motivation.

Posted by xsplat on March 4, 2014

COMMUNISM___Full_Game_Board_by_SpiffyOfCrudLaidnyc received a booty call SMS from a hot girl, and blogged about the thought processes that led to him declining the offer in favour of monogamy with his girlfriend.

This was a good opportunity to put flesh on the bones of thoughts that have rattling around my mind, so I commented:

I care for and keep two girls, each in separate apartments, and I keep my own place. It pains them both, and sometimes greatly, knowing that I see my other girl. I see all the sad signs of painful heartbreak in one of them, as we used to live together 24 hours a day and now I only see her most nights. The other tries to harangue me but I always cut her short.

I feel no guilt at all. The guilt is an option. When you live the non monogamous lifestyle for a while you can choose not to bother with guilt. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that caring does not require guilt.

I could choose to be monogamous with either. But I just don’t want to.

It really does come down to what you want to do.

And what you can set up.

If you don’t set things up well then introducing new women and having your women finding out causes much instability, and consternation and pain.

You can also set things up such that you live in a universe of self-imposed honor. And like the other commenter said within that universe it’s a bit easier to get everyone into the same wavelength.

But you can get girls to be faithful while being non-monogamous too.

The honor mindset is only a choice. It has it’s perks. Personally I think it’s as illusory as love. And I prefer to live my life with love, and engender love on purpose. Love is an option, and honor is an option. But I don’t find honor in the form of monogamy to be a useful option, not at this time with these girls. I’m honorable in that I don’t lie about anything; when they ask about anything related to monogamy I simply refuse to say anything, one way or the other. I refuse the subject to be talked about. I have boundaries.

I read one of your tweets where you were dismissive of the me-first mindset. Something snide pointing out the inhumane attitude people can have, like “I’ve got my food, everybody else can starve”.

I can see it’s a real struggle to try to reconcile personal desires in a world of competing desires.

But if you want to reconcile that, and not just project out onto OTHER the painful portion of this internal struggle you are having (BAD people are selfish!), then you need to come to grips with the fact that there is no way around the fact of competing interests.

Sometimes there is no win-win solution or compromise. Sometimes somebody loses.

And it’s up to you who that somebody is.

You can’t just be communal and community minded. Not only would that make you a doormat, but in real life society does not and can not function that way. In real life there are various inter-playing roles that interact. There are no “good guys” who are the backbone upholding society. There are castes and specialties, true, but viewing one caste as the good guys that everybody should be like is false. All the castes play important roles. You need the sociopathic business leaders and generals too.

So there is no solution to this argument with Dick that is based on guilt or morality. That would be a cop out, really.

The solution is deciding where your true interests lie. Because that is where the buck stops.

Your true interests may be in being communal.

But it has to be YOUR true interest.

I once was put in a situation of literally having to choose to share my food with hungry children or not.

I fed them for a few months and then stopped. And it was my girlfriend’s family too – so they were tribe members. But I stopped.

The children’s parents were loaf abouts with drug and alcohol problems, and the neighbourhood and all of the Philippines was full of hungry children. Where was I to start or stop my humanitarian efforts? Was I supposed to save the world?

How could I grow my business and wealth if philanthropy prevented the accumulation of assets?

These are difficult questions, because they go to our root of self-identity. Are we good? Are we the good guy?

Are you the good guy in a universe of people who just aren’t good enough?

I don’t know, Laidnyc. Is that REALLY the story you want to carry around with you for the rest of your life?

One big problem with being the honorable, civic, community and family minded good guy is that it puts up MASSIVE barriers to being able to love and appreciate real people for who they really are.

It sets these roles based on face, and you lose track of even seeing what your own personal agenda is any more. Everything just becomes social roles. He is supposed to do this, she is supposed to do that.

You lose track of peoples REAL motivation.

And not only is that a barrier to some humour and humility in accepting and understanding the human condition, and loving people for who they actually are (instead of for how closely they are fulfilling their social roles) but it makes it much more difficult to actually influence people.

And you can’t sidestep shuffle the issue of personal motivation by talking about tribes and tribal interests as the center of competition. The unit is not the tribe. Individuals within the tribe also compete, by nature.

To motivate people you have to see behind the social roles, and speak their own language. Get in their shoes. And the world of should and could and right and wrong is not the same world as the world of personal motivations. No matter how much it should or could or would be better if we all just agreed that it was.

Posted in Morality | 4 Comments »

Morality in an uncaring universe

Posted by xsplat on February 23, 2014

Irrelavant said: There seems to be a spectrum of guys in the manosphere that falls roughly like this: moral —– not concerned with morality… One side is longing for a morality that is being purposely disintegrated before our very eyes, while the other is taking the approach of “fuck morality, it’s a human construct.” … I don’t live my life by either perspective… I believe morality to be an unspoken agreement between human beings about how they will function with one another within the bounds of social relations… But when all hell breaks loose, that unspoken agreement quickly shifts to an agreement that is purely about survival… We have an entire generation of males who have been so utterly destroyed by anti-moral forces, that it seems to me to be good strategy to bring them back into the camp, before they destroy themselves (and our legacy) on a worthless “quest” of their own.

I’ve written about morality before.

The buck always stops. Somewhere. Whatever is good is good for SOMEONE. The way nature and physics and reality is set up is that we compete for resources, and that there is not and can not be a common good.

Wherever you have socialist endeavors where the public good is considered, it always steps on the toes of individuals. And the reverse. Wherever individuals benefit others are relatively disadvantaged. It is impossible to develop a system that is not adversarial. Adversity is built into the fabric of reality.

Even when researchers look into morality, they find that the brain is set up to make seemingly non-sensical judgments, and we are unable to make truly rational moral decisions. Kill one man to save two? Rape and torture an innocent child to prevent a cholera outbreak?

I identify neither as a socialist nor capitalist. Both are just two sides of the same coin – they are the same thing, fundamentally. Self organizing self perpetuating power structures.

The common good or the individual good – no matter where you look the buck has to stop. Somewhere. It stops in the end with individuals life satisfaction.

So THAT is morality. Increasing individual life satisfaction.

Moralists often want to reduce life satisfaction in the name of the common good, in which case they are anti-moral. They forget the origin of morality, which is where the buck stops. In individual life satisfaction.

Yes, to maximize life satisfaction as normal non-sociopathic humans we need to feel that we are part of something larger and give and receive from a group. We need to partner in cooperations in order to economically compete. We need a mix of individuality and cooperation.

And in the end, the buck stops. Individually. And in the end there is no hope of ever finding a way out of the fact of competition for resources. It is fundamentally dog eat dog, and we cooperate in that fight. And then there is the whole issue of motivation, which is fundamental to all economic activity. When we try to maximize cooperation we run up against minimizing motivation.

Those with a genetically relatively heightened sense of disgust FEEL morality as a free floating empirically existing platonic thing. A law of nature. Their sense of disgust tells them that some things are just wrong, regardless of outcome. Things aren’t right or wrong because they have certain causes and effects, some things are just wrong because they are wrong because they are wrong. The heightened sense of disgust hijacks all the mental wiring and overwhelms all reason and all that is known is that that they KNOW. That sense of knowing requires no reason or introspection to them, and is beyond reason or introspection as it shuts that down. It highjacks all of the brain and screams out WRONG!

But that’s just biological instinct. That’s not ethics.

So I’m a pragmatist and understand that our human wiring is set up such that if you want to maximize happiness you have to increase oxytocin, which requires giving to others and being part of a group, and cooperating. Also in many of my posts I show the practical value of thinking coherently and minimizing lying to oneself in a short term effort to increase self esteem or avoid anxiety. And to help that being honest with others is very important. And so honest cooperative dealings increases personal and group happiness, and the buck stops.

Posted in Morality | 14 Comments »

Maslow suggests that you should aim higher than pump and dump

Posted by xsplat on February 21, 2014

maslow

Lingerie said: The manosphere deals in the currency of primal motivations (a heady space); coincidentally, the very motivations most likely to get someone to click on “purchase.” One will find products vehemently defended, even when the logic of those defenses is sorely lacking, at best; sloppy, at worst. More than one venture has made a handsome living off manipulating and faux framing those emotions through their ad copy lies and string-along programming (upsells).

Anger is a core visceral emotion that is very useful for marketing (as is sex). Its invocation is difficult to argue against, but also very difficult to respect, for those in the know. If one is to expend one’s precious energy being angry, the key is to direct that energy into the proper channel that might produce constructive results in one’s own life. That requires the elbow grease of independent research. Females exist for your pleasure, not your anger. Oasis, and all that.

Heads up ball, gentlemen. Exercise discernment.

So you are implying that invoking the feelings of unhappiness in others and creating and coalescing an in-group based upon their unhappy anger is a good way to sell e-books?

In-group thinking is a trait of the human mind. Many of our thoughts are not rational, but chosen politically – we agree with our in group and those with social power around us.

That can also be dangerous. Fitting in to a power structure can be even more dangerous than stepping outside the box and doing a double take.

Yes, anger has been used as a way to rally a community and then coincidentally pump up interest in selling instructional ebooks on how to ignore and avoid fundamental human qualities, such as love and intimacy.

The most practical and concise piece of wisdom that I know is the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve read people online who disagree with this wisdom. Outright disagree with it.

People often want to piss and moan about things outside of their control. Complain about the weather of feminism, or complain about in-equal sexual distribution, or about those dammed crack dealing thug guitar players or about western women or whatever. And then gather in a circle of complain and call that community.

At least that’s part of what happens. There is also a lot of self growth and discovery and encouraging each other on towards expanding out into the world of possibilities.

But it’s tainted. It’s still often largely communities encouraging each other to expand out into a twisted and limited way to relate to women. A way completely out of touch with their own intimacy requirements.

It’s very often communities of broken men fostering brokenness and creating brokenness where there was none.

Dark triad traits to be emulated as a lifestyle CHOICE?! To become a more happy and fullfilled MAN?

A Dark triad man is not a complete man. Yes, if you are blind you’ll have enhanced hearing. Is that any reason to blind yourself? Yes, if you lean towards sociopathy you’ll free up some restrictions to effective manipulation. Is that any reason to become anhedonic?

A man loves.

Dark triad means you didn’t fix yourself yet. It means you are running on two out of eight cylinders. Nothing to brag about, or promote, or emulate. It is disastrous how communities have been shepherded towards a poisonous pessimism by harnessing their emotions of anger.

A large swath of the manosphere is a cult of anti-intimacy, composed of followers in want of direction who have been goaded on by authors with intimacy avoidance issues into believing that there is no Maslows hierarcy of needs and that all they have to do is pump and dump the bitches.

“Society is broken and is giving away pussy to the wrong men! I’ll show those bitches. I’ll pump and dump em. So there!”

Ya, how about doing the work that is orders of magnitude more difficult. Become a loving man that women love and enjoy life as a full human to the fullest of your capacity.

Another comment from Lingerie:

“Ya, how about doing the work that is orders of magnitude more difficult. Become a loving man that women love and enjoy life as a full human to the fullest of your capacity.”

This sounds reasonable, and healthy, though no writer of ad copy would ever allow it, because of this right here: “doing the work.” Just not as salable as “get laid today,” or “screw the bitches.” One approach sells, one doesn’t, and that’s the human condition. But I feel for men in the manosphere and hope to elevate the entire discussion above such base instincts—I’m fully aware that it will never happen, but I inject my part as a solitary vote toward something better for all men in the manosphere.

Here’s the manosphere proprietorship in a spectrum quip (though it’s thankfully changing), not the readership, but the proprietors: hate women pump and dump women. That is so fucked up on so many levels that it’s really beyond words. But I get it. I totally get it. A shit ton of males have been fucked over royally by the feminine imperative. An equally shit ton of males have never known what it feels like to be truly loved by a female. I understand the need for males from both ends of that spectrum to have a voice out there that can coherently represent their thoughts and feelings.

BUT, the proprietors who provide that service, in my humble opinion, should also be nudging those damaged souls toward a final solution that involves LOVE as a core component, rather than stringing them along via their visceral emotions. My definition of “love” is not a romantic or visceral emotion. It is a highly cultivated sense of one’s place in the universe. This cultivation is not being suggested by manosphere proprietors to the souls of their readership, who are aching for it.

Sell an ebook, I don’t give a shit. But don’t hold your audience in a place that is ultimately unhealthy for them in order to defend your ideological niche—stop the gaslighting. Offer them a way out, or refer them to others who will. But that’s not how business works, “lifetime value” and all that.

This is such a huge spiritual issue among the voluminous damaged and injured men in the world, that it’s time to place their spiritual healing above defending one’s frame or “being right” in every argument.

This goes to every single proprietor in the manosphere: Help your readers heal, and help move them along to the next hopefully healthy phase of their life. This should be your goal—to move them along. In every post that you make that correctly identifies the problem, offer your readers a suggestion or two of how to move past that problem, rather than building a community around your brand that merely perpetuates commiseration over said problem. I know that that absolutely runs counter to “business” principles, but fuck all, what kind of world do you want to live in?
And if you don’t know because you haven’t researched the deeper issues, then have the humility to say, “I don’t know, I haven’t researched the deeper issues. What do you guys think?”, rather than perpetually faux framing your dominance over your readership, as if they were females. Please. We see right through you.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Xsplat brand wisdom; coo for increased satisfaction.

Posted by xsplat on February 20, 2014

cooing“I love you Daddy. I love you with all my heart, and all my soul. And with my pussy. And with my whole life”.

“Yes, I can feel it when you eat my dick. You swallow it like you are so hungry. I can feel the love in your mouth. You even eat my asshole with love. And it’s different now when you fuck me – you give your whole self over to me. Your heart is connected to your pussy now. I don’t know how many boys you fucked before and I never will know, but I know you never felt like this for anyone else before. You are addicted to me and I own you. You’re my daughter and my slave.”

*******

I made love with both of my girls today. What I noticed is that today I pulled them both a lot closer emotionally.

Guys who aren’t much into the LTR arts are often unaware of the sexual power in “beta” acts such as love. But if you don’t unlock a girls heart centre and get her to mix it with her 2nd cakra raw sex energy then you haven’t fully turned her on. It’s well known that sex on love is the ultimate drug. And we all know what happens with drugs. People get addicted.

And so consider the arts of cooing. Talk during sex is an opportunity to get her to swoon into your emotion; mix with you in coo-space. That space can take on many flavours, and the more varied and interesting you can make coo-space the better. It allows her to express more of her nature if you have a broad virtuosity.

“You are my little bitch.” That is coo space.
“Daddy loves you”. Coo space
“Say “I’m your little bitch! Say it again! Say it again! Say it again!”
“You are so pretty”
“I can feel the love in your pussy”
“Oh babe! I feel that! I feel that!” As she approaches orgasm or is in a long near-climax
“You’re my slave”
“I own you.”
“You were a teenager on the street, but I stole you and made you fall in love with me. You never fucked anyone like you do with me before.”
“You were a virgin and afraid of sex, but I stole you and made you mine and now you love me with your whole being and are addicted to my cock”
“I love you”

With coo space you can inject some narrative to give it a little structure. The role play need not be fantasy, it can be your romantic backstory. But regardless of how grounded it is, you enter an emotional space with her. And even if she does not yet know that she will fall in love with you, you can lead her into these emotional spaces and step by step she will open up and get addicted and go further and further with you into a mutual emotional journey.

Both girls are in many ways fucked up chicks. But some parts of their brains and bodies work well enough to be able share sex and love well.

I had to teach both of them.

M was an asexual freak virgin who took over a year to grow into her sexuality. Now she comes easily and is still habituated to open in genuine strong passionate love each sex session.

N18 (formerly N17) used to prefer to cuddle to fuck. She would suck dick mechanically. Now she gives it her all and then some. Where before she felt pain and shyness riding on top, now she’s a star endurance ecstasy athlete. She prides herself on her sexual attentiveness. She’s better than a pro. After a long tag-team session of trading out who is on top, she’ll go down on me with “You just lie down and relax and let me do my thing”.

Please don’t underestimate the value to yourself personally to have strong LTR game. It will allow you not only long term regular sexual access – even non-monogamously – but you’ll be able to share fulfilling emotional spaces with girls. You’ll soon notice that this sharing of love is very much like a food. You’ll feel a particular quality of happiness in your life that you can’t really get in any other way. Sexual love is different than sex. It’s a type of emotional support, and it’s also regular releases into intense and shared ecstasy.

This is not “manosphere” wisdom.

You heard it here and you only hear it here.

Update: Rollo’s recent post is about not buying lingerie for a girl, as she should take it upon herself to express her level of attraction. It’s true that you can’t negotiate or demand desire, however it’s also not true. Just as if you force a smile you will feel happier, if you force a girl into the exterior situations of displaying shared love, her brain will look at what she’s doing and interpret it as a sign of an internal emotion. So you can and should enforce outward signs of devotion from a girl, such as telling her what to wear and what to do and even what to say. While fucking: “Say I love you Daddy! Say it!” Silence. Slap!! “Ow! I love you Daddy!”

You have to really be in the flow moment and know her psychology and internal state inside and out to be able to pull that off with an actual slap. She has to actually love you. It’s provoking a shit test. If she won’t say it you punish her, and then that creates passing a shit test even though she didn’t initiate the shit test. You demand her love. And that is admirable, on a deep visceral level. You will accept none other than her full devotion.

But it’s very, very subtle. Because you also give her complete freedom. She’s free to either be your totally devoted slave or to leave at any time. There are layers and layers to it. But every now and then you touch into that cave man level of all the layers. Even if just as role play. Every now and then you own her like a piece of property. And then you say “You are my property”.

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

Are you a guardian/authoritarian/family man type? Then you are probably lying.

Posted by xsplat on February 15, 2014

Confirmation_Bias-1A guardian personality comes from birth pre-programmed to grow up to say:

“Look at me I’m a stable provider. I’m not like one of those guitar players. I’ll give you marriage, and that’s better for you. Those guitar players are not only bad for you, they’re bad for society”.

Ya, it’s a nice line if you can get a girl to swallow it, however girls who are not also pre-disposed to follow authority (other guardians) may not be motivated by it.

It’s all down to motivation.

Many of us can think reasonably up and until our strategies are put at risk, then we’ll rationalize our positions, which only works up to a point.

Guardians rationalize their position with “well, even if religion isn’t true, it’s still better for people to believe it”. The position of course falls down if you take any close look at it.

Bob Altmeyer did great research on “The Authoritarians” and showed us how guardians are fucking freaky scary in their ability to blindly follow orders. He’s afraid of another charismatic like Hitler rousing the 45% or so of guardians to again lead us into doom.

And this snake-oil the guardians try to sell; that everyone except for them is a nihilistic anti-social thug of a parasite who’ll never properly bond or take proper care of the children is just a lie. A lie their genes told them to tell so that they can get married.

In some ways “game” is just explaining to low-sociosexual score predispositioned men the wider reality of how their sexual strategy offering is no longer as appealing and teaching them the ways of other genetic castes. It doesn’t work as well for people with high-disgust though. Because they are naturally predisposed to offer something else other than “game”, and to people who are naturally predisposed to want something else. They can feel like strangers in a strange land.

For people with genes that have co-opted the disgust reflex to give them an emotional and moral sense of purity towards a girls sexual past, they have to swallow a very bitter pill of reality of what actually motivates girls. A bitter red pill. And then learn ways to motivate girls that are not based upon their innate sexual strategy.

The next time you feel like dissing all the “social leeches”, be true to your vision and throw away the bulk of your music collection, and stop partaking of all the leeches vast social contributions.

Update:
Our innate wiring predisposes us to be rewarded for certain thought structures. Our personality types and shared characters are people with similar reward structures. For those with an evolved and genetic predisposition to seek out women as chaste as possible and to form lifetime monogamous bonds with them, you will have a wiring that leads you to prefer a low-socio-sexual score. You will tend to prefer commitment along with your sex, and you’ll prefer that and expect it from others.

This is not something I’m arguing against. But what happens is that such predispositions predispose us to paint our mental maps with huge wide brushes and cartoon-pastels. There is no oil painting of blending colors and the pixels are enormous. Because our agenda only allows us to highlight certain patterns.

The problem isn’t that the patterns we see are false; there is some truth to the family man’s sales pitch. It’s that it’s so cartoonishly simplified as to be nearly false. And there is a solipsism instead of a worldy theory of mind for what motivates people. The different personality types are not noticed, or when they are they are seen as the enemy camp and so alien as to not count. For instance the fact that some men prefer a risky fun partner in crime to a secure friend for life can’t fit it with their agenda, and so such men are simply too stupid to count, or are evil, or are otherwise other; easily dismissed as not part of the in-group of True-Scottsmen. Invisible in their mental map and in their words when describing to women what men want. “All (real and important and high value useful) men share my sexual strategy and agenda, and all men want a low N count woman for a mate! Cats!”

Women in real life do perfectly well fucking around for a while before settling down. In real life the family man’s sales pitch is simply snake oil. Only about 45% of men are highly turned off by a high N count, and even among those most will ignore it. In real life it is not the low-sss-predisposed men who dictate the social rules. They are only one portion of the sexual marketplace. One opportunity among many in the sexual marketplace, and no, they are not always the best opportunity. For the woman or for the children. Or for society.

Low-sss-predisposed men are not the secret Peter Parker underwear hero’s they would like to think themselves as, and women are not as deluded as to their real best options as they would like to believe. The REAL sexual marketplace has them as one option among many – sometimes a best option, sometimes not. And the same goes for women of various ss scores.

If that were not the case then evolution would not have selected for the variety we see today. And nice try on the parasite argument. Pffft. Higher SSS people can and do succeed on all measurements and real world outcomes.

Having a realistic mental map of the real sexual marketplace and the real motivations of all the players in it can only help men of all sexual strategies to better compete.

Update: A related old post which discusses why for some of us a low N-count is not a big factor in mate choice.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Our brains tell us what to think

Posted by xsplat on February 14, 2014

The narrative that all of us want to believe is that we have this part of ourselves that is in control. We control our thoughts.

Except that we don’t. If you meditate you’ll find that you can’t simply control your thoughts. Don’t imagine a pink elephant right now.

But our experience is that we have some measure of control. If you meditate regularly you’ll set up more refined feedback mechanisms and there will be less of a feeling of thoughts being out of control.

But there is still no locus of control that matches up with our narrative. We have fundamental wiring hardware that not only influences what we think, but often simply tells us what we think.

One of my girlfriends is back in town after being gone for two months. We used to live together for three years, but when my health was good enough and the opportunity arose, I took a 2nd lover. That worked for a while until she barged in on us fucking and started pulling hair. Then things settled down and we had an understanding again, but then her emotions became uncontrollable and she became intensely antagonistic in swings and then left town to get some air. There is a point to me sharing all this. I waited in my original shophouse/apartment for her to return, and when she did I acted as if I really missed her and was still in love with her.

Because it was genuine and true.

On the exterior this would look as if I’m a master manipulator of women, and can perform the most subtle of psychological manipulations to get them exactly where I want them. Push pull in the just the right proportions to get what I want. And it’s true. I am, and it’s frightening.

But on the inside I really feel genuine emotions.

So who is in charge here? Where is the locus of control? I’m not only a master manipulator who has internalized all he has learned such that I run on automatic pilot when “gaming” girls, but I’m past automatic pilot to being an automaton. I genuinely believe and feel exactly what is required of me to believe to fulfil my agenda. My biologically programmed agenda. Of fucking this really hot young woman and keeping her as my personal love slave.

This is how the mind very often works. We have these innate wirings that we casually mistake for our own personal decisions.

There has long been a genetic caste war between novelty seeking cads and sluts versus family oriented providers. It has been documented and studied that certain genes are directly correlated with certain morals. We can’t broadly speak about what morals men have or what men want without considering these castes. Some men for instance have a very strong emotional built in feeling for respect for authority. This is such a strong circuit of wiring in the brain, that they will be unable to harbor thoughts in contradiction to this respect. Logic will be unable to bring them to envision alternate views. The brain is forcing you to be what you are – to think what you do. It’s not a personal choice, as much as it feels like the personal choice to be good and moral and on the right side, that’s not an accurate description of reality. Just as a butterfly will fly to a specific tree in South America, your brain has forced you to have unstoppably strong instincts.

But these are not universal. It’s somewhere near a 50/50 or 60/40 split between guys who don’t have the respect for authority gene and those who do.

And there is also a purity gene or confluence of genes and a moral value of respect for purity. The two moral genetic bases may be related or often coincidental – I’m not sure. The point is that it’s something close to a 50/50 split again. Some guys are more and some guys are less bothered by a woman’s sexual past, and this is hard coded into us, in much the same fashion as the butterfly has hard coded designs on a specific tree in South America.

Esteemed and insightful blogger Laidnyc writes:

Because unrestrained female sexuality incentives the wrong behavior in men and erodes civilization.

Because sluts are low quality and having to hang out with them long enough to fuck them is depressing.

Because men have an instinct to be disgusted by girls who’ve been turned out so as not to get cucked into raising their bastards.

and I commented:
We’re on the same page on many things, however it’s obvious we have a fundamental difference in attitude towards high-sociosexual score girls. There is good scientific reason to believe that our attitude differences are at least partly genetic.

I would ask you to at least include people like me into your theory of mind when you claim to speak for the entire male gender.

I see this no-true-Scottsmen like approach to talking about men all the time. “Real guys in the know aren’t into getting close and intimate with infidelity risk girls.”

Ya, except no. That’s not an accurate description of true-Scottsmen. It’s a description of some Scottsmen.

Some true Scottsmen are able to tame sluts, for as long as they want to, and enjoy it.

And some of those true Scottsmen are a bigger boon to “society” than the purity lovers.

You’ve set up this left vs right dichotomy where by coincidence you happen to be on the good guy team.

Ya, but the demarcations you make are often straw men. There are socially positive high sexual score men and women. There are high sexual score men and women who bond at least as well and often better than the purity lovers.

Your lines vaguely fit up to the real world, but are mostly setup to paint you and your ilk to look good.

It’s not an accurate description of reality. Guys who like novelty can be and often are prosocial and can and often do make good fathers too. And the same for the women.

You know, some guys marry girls who they then go on to wife swap with. Or the woman will occasionally bring a new girl into the mans bed. It happens, and that works for some people.

Once again – I’ll thank you to not speak for my genetic class when speaking for all men.

Update: UCB mentioned the guardian personality type in one of his comments below, and this led me to the wikipedia entry and this. I highly recommend to readers to read the wikipedia entries on the types. I’ll post two of them here below. It would seem that Laidnyc is a guardian type of personality, and I have some strong artisan traits, although I think I tested more as INTJ.

I’m new to this personality typing. I’d suspect there are genetic and epigenetic bases for these types.

We all can get myopic and think that everybody else is like us, or worse yet that everyone that is not like us SHOULD be.

From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guardian_temperament

The Guardian temperament is one of four temperaments defined by David Keirsey. Correlating with the SJ (sensing–judging) Myers-Briggs types, the Guardian temperament comprises the following role variants (listed with their corresponding Myers-Briggs types): Inspector (ISTJ), Protector (ISFJ), Provider (ESFJ), and Supervisor (ESTJ).[1]

Description

Guardians are concrete in communicating and cooperative in pursuing their goals. Their greatest strength is logistics. Their most developed intelligence role is either that of the Conservator (Protectors and Providers) or the Administrator (Inspector and Supervisor).

As the security-seeking temperament, Guardians are practical and frugal types. They “share certain core values, among them the belief in a strong work ethic, the need for people and institutions to be responsible, the importance of following the rules and of serving one’s community.”[2] Guardians value experience, and they seek a tangible return on their investments. Believing in common sense, they are not attracted to idle speculation. They are the glue of civilization, maintaining and nurturing institutions that have been established by the dint of hard work. They tend to be conventional and cooperative in their work, wanting to make sure everybody gets what they deserve, no more and no less. They follow the rules and conventions of their cohort or group and expect others to as well.

Interests: In their education and careers, Guardians’ primary interest is business and commerce, with an eye toward practical applications in managing materiel. They are preoccupied with maintaining the morality of their group.[3]

Orientation: Guardians have a strong sense of duty. They forgo the pleasures of the moment to prepare for unseen eventualities. They regard past events with a sense of resignation. They guard against the corruption of outside influences, and look to past experiences to guide their present choices.

Self-image: The Guardians’ self-esteem is based on their dependability; their self-respect on their beneficence; and their self-confidence on their respectability.

Values: Guardians are concerned about the well-being of people and institutions that they hold dear. They trust authority and seek security. They strive for a sense of belonging and want to be appreciated for their contributions. They aspire to become executives, whether by managing their own households or by running a multinational corporation.

Social roles: In romantic relationships, Guardians regard themselves as helpmates, working together with their spouse to establish a secure home. As parents, they focus on raising their children to become productive and law-abiding citizens. In business and social situations, they are stabilizers, establishing procedures and ensuring that the material needs of the group are met.

Stress
Guardians often experience stress when rules, expectations, and structure are unclear, or when those around them do not act according to established norms. The extraverted (expressive) types—Providers and Supervisors—may respond by becoming critical of others. The introverted (attentive) types—Protectors and Inspectors—may take on the burden of trying to correct the perceived faults in the system themselves, resulting in overwork and burnout. Guardians also experience stress when the results of their hard work go unnoticed or unappreciated. [4]
Traits in common with other temperaments

Keirsey identified the following traits of the Guardian temperament:[1]

Concrete in communicating (like Artisans)

Guardians focus on facts. They are concerned about practical needs like providing goods and services that help society function smoothly.

Cooperative in pursuing their goals (like Idealists)

Guardians value teamwork. They are committed to preserving established social institutions. Cautious toward change, Guardians work within the system to ensure that all contingencies are considered.

And from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artisan_temperament :

Artisan temperament
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Artisan temperament is one of four temperaments defined by David Keirsey. Correlating with the SP (sensing–perceiving) Myers-Briggs types, the Artisan temperament comprises the following role variants (listed with their corresponding Myers-Briggs types): Composer (ISFP), Crafter (ISTP), Performer (ESFP), and Promoter (ESTP).[1]

Description

Artisans are concrete in speech and utilitarian in pursuing their goals. Their greatest strength is tactical variation. Their most developed intelligence role is that of either the Operator (Promoters and Crafters) or the Entertainer (Performers and Composers).

As the stimulation-seeking temperament, Artisans prefer to live one day at a time. They may spontaneously pursue activities that offer fun or pleasure. Playful in their interpersonal relationships, Artisans tend to be more permissive as parents than the other temperaments,[1] wanting their children to explore and enjoy the world.

Interests: In education, Artisans want to learn artcrafts and techniques that they can use in their career. They tend to seek work involving operations and equipment,[2] which could range from a scalpel to a fighter jet.

Orientation: Artisans live in the here and now. They want to enjoy the present moment. They tend to be optimistic about the future and cynical about the past, believing that life is a series of risks or random events without any larger pattern or meaning.

Self-image: The Artisans’ self-esteem is rooted in their grace and artistry; their self-respect in their boldness; and their self-confidence in their adaptability.

Values: Artisans enjoy excitement and perform well when in a state of restless energy. “They are excitable as children and they never seem to get less excitable as they grow up.”[2] They seek stimulation and trust their impulses. Prone to spontaneous acts of generosity, they want to make an impact on others. They aspire to virtuosity, taking great pleasure in practicing and mastering their technique in the pursuits that interest them.

Social roles: In romantic relationships, Artisans want a playmate, someone who can share in the pleasure and excitement they seek. As parents, Artisans are liberators, exposing their children to a wide variety of activities, encouraging them to push beyond their limits, and guiding them toward independence and self-sufficiency. In business and social situations, they are negotiators, making the most of the opportunities at hand.

Learning
Artisans want teachers who are interesting, active, and playful. They will avoid sedentary forms of learning and uninteresting learning assignments. They will also avoid reading assignments that are not succinct, practical and relevant. Artisans want to demonstrate their learning through actions.

Stress
As a defense mechanism, Artisans may respond with denial, insisting that a fact is untrue despite overwhelming evidence.[3] Since Artisans feel a need to make an impact and to be spontaneous, they become stressed when their ability to do these things becomes constrained. Boredom is another source of stress for Artisans. When under stress, they can become reckless, and they may retaliate against the source of the stress. Providing Artisans with options, such as new ways to make an impact and new activities, can relieve the stress.[1]
Traits in common with other temperaments

Keirsey identified the following traits of the Artisan temperament:[1]

Concrete in communication (like Guardians)

Artisans are realistic. They want to experience events in the moment. They enjoy manipulating concrete objects, whether for practical or artistic purposes.

Pragmatic in pursuing their goals (like Rationals)

Artisans take pride in bold and unconventional behavior. They aren’t interested in following a rule if they don’t see how it serves a practical purpose.

Posted in Morality, Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

To find motivation, go all in

Posted by xsplat on January 28, 2014

Motivation is the key to all economic activity. The natural state for people is to be unmotivated, and we must incentivise with carrot and stick to get people to work reliably.

Entrepreneurs constantly come up against their own inertia. Being self motivated is such a challenge that there are entire industries built around motivating the entrepreneur.

Lately I’ve started up half a dozen new businesses, and I find myself greatly energized and pouring in all my energy day in and day out. How do I stay motivated? Because it’ sink or swim.

That’s always the way it’s worked for me. As Canada’s David Wilcox sings: “Well I can get down, and quit foolin around, when the weather gets rough, situation gets tough.”

As a teen I used to study for exams the night before. As an entrepreneur I can put in long bouts of months of concerted effort when my back up is against the wall.

So what I’ve done this time is to put my own back against the wall. I’ve set aside some savings, but am using all of the current monthly income in buying machinery and renovations and materials and new staff and R&D and had plunked down most of my liquid capital float money into pre-paying two years rent on a large 4 story shophouse.

There was a visitor here last week who hailed from the UK. A reader and manosphere participant. It was great to meet him – he is another brother from another mother. We only spent a few hours talking but he was quick witted and informed about anything and everything that came up, and there seemed to be instant sympatico. Despite privacy concerns I gave him a tour of the shophouse, and found myself bubbling over with excitement at every turn, explaining many of the goings on here.

I really am excited. I gave a local Indonesian buddy of mine the tour yesterday, and it was the same. I’m as enthusiastic as a mentos in a bottle of coke.

I don’t want to do anything other than what I’m doing.

I’m sure much of the energy and drive is because I’ve put myself in a sink or swim situation. All my income is pouring into this, monthly expenses are very high, many families and friends and two lovers and many future girls and possibly children and all my grandiose future plans are all relying on success. It’s sink or swim time.

Oh, and it also helps that the new businesses I’m pursuing demand a lot of education from me and are in areas that interest me, and require not only puzzle solving but a good deal of creative input. So that works well with my personality type, which takes pleasure in inventiveness but not so much in maintaining control over details ongoing. I like to start new things, but can get bored of them before they are optimized.

By the way, there is evidence that this is a genetic trait of the high-socio-sexual-score predisposed people. We like to move to new places and try new things and fuck a lot of people and we also tend to be creative and inventive. Just look at the entertainment industry, specifically music lyrics to hear that theme over and over. Far from being the social leeches and thugs that the socially-conservative-dad-strategy-society-wide-lifetime-monogamy-enforcer-Peter-Parker-secret-underwear-hero’s would tell you we are, we instead comprise a disproportionate portion of the cultural creatives and I suspect of the entrepreneurs also. Sir Nemesis of Just 4 Guys did a great long essay about the 7r allele and how it relates to socio-sexual predisposition among other things.

So I’ll leave it here. If you are looking for motivation, consider giving yourself no other option. Raise the background level of anxiety and go all in.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

A life without oxytocin is a life devoted to losing the game of life

Posted by xsplat on January 24, 2014

It is not flatlant. It is not a democracy. It is not egalitarian. There are winners and losers, there is hierarchy, there is complacency and there is fail. Not everything is equal and not everything is an equally good option.

Being happy is a rare accomplishment. You don’t get it from voting correctly, or having the correct opinions, or having the correct morals, or even having the correct attitude. It is an earned accomplishment that relies on a multitude of accomplishments working in synergy.

I’m one of many fans of Laidnyc’s writing, and am often in agreement with him. Another brother from another mother.

On his latest post about the importance of love I left this comment:

We’re on the same page. It’s as if we are writing the same page.

Yup, a life without oxytocin is a life of fail. Deliberately choosing a life without pair bonding is giving up on life. Yes, that’s saying it strongly, and I’m completely aware how much it pisses people off to hear it. But it’s true. Oxytocin is directly related to meaning – oxytocin is why you feel warm when your child comes across ants on the sidewalk for the first time and looks up at you in wonder and question. Oxytocin is why you wake up and go to sleep warm beside your loved one. Oxytocin gives you reason to be.

A life devoted to dopamine rushes is a life devoted to failing life. Dopamine is great and essential to the good life, but you can’t have a meaningful life that feels rich and warm without oxytocin.

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

High socio-sexual score is not what you think – unless you are HSS

Posted by xsplat on January 18, 2014

People with different life strategies put each other down, because that’s a built in strategy. Monogamous family men and aspiring family men band together as a socialist unit to exclude interlopers, and guys who love women without so many strings attached view family men as slavish dupes.

In fact much of what we think is compelled by our substrate that is built upon a substrate and turtles all the way down.

Evolution happened from the ground up; even atoms are evolved. And our thoughts are not self created. They are dependent upon a substrate that evolved. Evolutionary psychologists recently discovered that even morality itself is evolved. We are hard wired to have moral beliefs. It’s not a matter of a culture war of memes at all. Our GENES wired our brains to have no choice but to deeply feel the truth of the moral choicelessness of not killing our own babies. It’s WRONG.

A rare few people can use our evolved intellect to examine our thinking process. Most can’t join in on that discussion – they will simply explain what is or is not WRONG.

Socio sexual score is also influenced by genetics. And for those who think that women or men “cheating” is “wrong” (note the correct use of quotation marks to denote questionable lego bricks of concept), they will simply be unable to enter the conversation and have any realistic theory of mind about what other people actually feel, think, and experience, when they are non-monogamous.

To the highly socio sexual, or to people who don’t require monogamy as a precursor to physical intimacy, it can be the case that they don’t require monogamy (or as much security) for emotional intimacy either.

They are sexually fluid.

I’m going to drop it and leave it here and ask you to let your imagination take you on a journey.

And taking the unemotional mental sidetrack into K and R strategies does not count as a journey. Face it directly in a subjective journey – be the strategy and allow all of you to travel mentally.

Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

What karma is

Posted by xsplat on January 18, 2014

I don’t know, because it’s unknowable. However, ponder these constituents of what must make up karma:

Free will: unknowable. Addicts are divided in their will. There is no one central processor of will. Sugars in the brain and amount of sleep and peer pressure and habit also affect the reservoir of ability to overcome habit and desire with brute decision.

Interdependence: the cold hard fact is that we are not omnipotent. Others also have some measure of free will, and light beams and other vectors such as speeding trains also are not our decision. We do react to the environment. Every single thought you’ve ever had has had it’s ripple originated outside of your self. You didn’t invent English and you didn’t invent colors.

Interdependence within your own brain: if you are familiar with lucid dreaming you’ll know from experience that exerting willpower wakes you from the dream. There is a balance required where you let the storyline play out versus the direct contradiction of seeing through the storyline and realizing that you are dreaming and exerting control. You can’t simply take the reigns and be all will-powery about it, or you’ll wake up. So even within your own mind stream will power is not the whole story. Sometimes you have to give over some of your power and find a balance.

Karma is this: when you visit a museum you can choose to look at pastel watercolors or the literal pile of avant guard bullshit. In a room of people you have some modicum of choice of thoughts which will reverberate around you. You have a choice to educate yourself and make one decision which might affect a future decision and expand out until you’ve altered an entire future.

Or, from the movie “Wedding Crashers”, you have options between a life that includes oxytocin or a life that does not. You can decide that watercolors have SOME place in your life. That life simply feels better with watercolors in them.

That’s a choice, and that’s karma.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Music is geometrical

Posted by xsplat on January 7, 2014

As a consumer of music you can delve into an emotional reverie. The appreciation seems deep enough to you that it means to you that you encompass all the feeling in the music.

But as a producer of music you must learn the geometries of the notes. Chords are relationships between notes, and there are variations of chords that move into variations of other chords. There are options for deliberate mistakes which spike up the sense of resolution for fitting back into sonority.

The piano is a metaphor for life, just like most everything is. As you stretch into it, you become bigger.

There is no ultimate philosophical position; win or lose we all die. But evolution has made us to appreciate some things and told us that they are meaningful, and we have no choice in the matter. Your babies will be meaningful to you – and you have no choice about it. Your heartbreaks will be meaningful to you. And don’t fool yourself about some mystical matter of choice. And growing into new dimensions of experience feels pretty cool. There are endless dimensions to grow into.

I’m not musically talented. I’ve been at this piano thing for over a year, and my memory deficits mean I keep coming back again to discoveries most people would have learned on the first try. But it’s learning.

I’m built to feel it’s meaningful. Thank the creativolution for that.

*****

A movie based on a 1905 novel was on HBO today and it was perfectly red pill. The rich man was a mommas boy born into a matriarchal family, and therefore he never needed to struggle. He found his place by being friendly; he was like water forced between bricks; he was adept at being congenial and finding his place.

Long story short, the female interest fell in love with the jock who had to rise up from a lower station and who was unrepentant about fucking around on his rich older wife and marrying again for money when his wife/sponsor died, in order to give his child the best position. The toy boy/bad boy was preferred over the witty gentleman who had no need to struggle for anything.

Evolution gives us rules, but thankfully it does also give us rewards.

I’d love to diary here about all the ups and downs in our ruko. Ruko is Indonesian for shop house. Cody is my best buddy prodigal adopted son and is killing it. I’ve given him direction plus a long leash plus a lot of time, and he optimized everything he was given. Jacob was not enthused by the projects I’d given him, and things fell apart. A failure of motivation, for which I take responsibility. But now I’m stoked about his new project. Seriously; it’s not the same level of stoked as a new fling, but almost. Several times a day I’m really enthused that he’s on a project that excites the both of us. This could be great.

I’ve got 15 people whose income depend on me now, not counting wives and children. It’s streched pretty thin, but there are several pools of backup money and monthly income still exceeds monthly expenses, despite all the heavy required new investments.

Two girls that I’m not satisfied with who other men would be happy to masturbate to are in my life. They are less trouble than they are worth.

Life has had some downs lately. The period of great happiness took a deep dip. And now has settled into an even good place. Anticipation is now the mood, rather than the fruition of great happiness that I had before.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Impenetrably vacant heroes

Posted by xsplat on December 20, 2013

Look at the fashion runway, and the expression on the women’s faces.

Aloof? Ya.

Women admire other women who are impenetrably vacant. No emotions perturb them – what great success! They won the contest over negative emotions, by gaining admiration and aloof disdain. Win!

Men do this too, especially in PUA communities.

Is this really winning, if one examines options in the internal world? I mean, doesn’t it take an emotional idiot to be glued and fixated on the perception of other peoples perceptions, at the expense of any and all genuine connection to others?

Many of us think that fashion girls are picked by gay boys, who have a wise sense that girls show off for other girls. What men want to see are smiling faces and bigger hips and tits.

Do you want to model yourself after whatever female airhead is in style nowadays? Or do you want to be engaging and have a felt penetrating soul come out of your eyes and heart that instantly fills any room with something useful and important?

Aloof? Really? If that’s a style of attraction then it’s not quite even kindergarten level. It’s for people who are not really able to handle this whole idea of emotional connection and interpersonal reality that includes reality.

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Label yourself quiz; from bottom of ocean to top of sky

Posted by xsplat on December 20, 2013

succubusstar-trek-original-series-man-trapShe tried to feed me… suck. Feed me… suck. Keep me in just the right emotional disequilibrium, so that I was pliable.

It was the standard girl game, only amplified until it was plainly pathological. Girls aren’t supposed to be obvious.

Men also can be em-pathological. We become captain-save-a-ho and purchase her narrative of being a victim. When the vampire is sucking on your jugular and you are contemplating its childhood then it means the succubus tapped into your empathy circuits.

Body centred meditations are but one defence against the hordes of succubi. Having friends or being old and experienced or taking a walk in the woods will all give a little perspective.

When you notice that you spend a lot of time thinking of how much she disturbs you, it means that your defence system is not up to her barrage.

I, you, me, him and her, all take pleasure in mutual experience. This communal human condition is a fundamental way we feel happy and fulfilled and alive. Parties, sex, jokes, stories. Empathy and appreciation. It’s not the only way – but it’s a deep fundamental and necessary and important way.

Do you want your girl to be the emotional version of teflon and aluminum, with a hidden psychopathic agenda? Me not too. Heartiste and Roosh might think it sympatico though. Actually women are not aloof – they are segmented and sharded – they display the genuine emotions that are appropriate for the audience. But the point has been made that there is a contrast between emotional connection and emotional subversion.

Vampires subvert the process and don’t appreciate the core tennet of the human contract. Add value.

They suck value.

Look at me!

Feel down, until I can control you.

Some girls can poetically be described as deep sea giant squid.

Related: The underground economy of attention energy and energy vampires

Update: Men can be succubi too, as per this swoop the world hero who took a bunch of virginities and started many “romances” on false pretences. You go bro! Team man!

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

How to think creatively

Posted by xsplat on December 15, 2013

Edward de Bono is the goto guy for ideas about creativity. He’s the guy who coined the phrase “lateral thinking”, has authored many books and is hired by corps for speaking engagements.

I’ve read a few of his books, and remember one principle, embodied by one of his tricks to generate new ideas. For a problem to solve he used the example of inventing a new type of windshield wiper. His creativity generating trick is to open up the dictionary at random and pick a word. Let’s say our word was “orange”. Now we use that word to come up with ideas for how to wipe car windows in the rain.

Before we go ahead and brainstorm, let’s look at why this works. The neural network is wired up with millions of associations. Using a trick like this we are scanning very broadly through all possible associations. Ideas will fly at us as we try to pattern recognize something that fits. In this way we are harnessing our massively parallel processing system.

How can an orange fit into pattern recognition about this problem? Oranges have qualities.
* They are round. Round things roll. We could roll something over the window. A sponge could roll over it, squeezing itself out as it goes or at each end of the wind-shield. The sponge would not have to roll, but could wipe. Sponges absorb water – how could absorbing water be an advantage? There are molecular arrangements that repel water instead of absorbing it. Can a hydrophobic treatment be applied to a window such that water can not stick to it, thus increasing visibility?
* Oranges have a certain colour. The problem with rain on the wind-shield is it obscures visibility. Can eyeglasses be worn to filter out the obscurations? Can a camera system hooked up to eyeglasses give better visibility than a windscreen? Can a computer filter out the noise of the raindrops on the fly and even digitally enhance the drivers view?
* Oranges have texture. They are bumpy and soft. Bumpy can also mean bumping up and down, which is like shaking. Can the windscreen vibrate away the water with some sonic device? Can a cushion of air be blasted out to prevent the water from reaching the screen and dry off whatever water lands?
* Oranges emit a volatile oil when you squeeze them – a fun trick is to pinch them near a candle flame. The oil smells nice. Can we use the sense of smell to warn us of impending crashes? Can we harness using different senses at the same time to feed greater information into the system than through just one sense? That could be useful instead of checking on the rear-view mirror – a computer could notice impending rear ends and warn us with a beep. Unrelated to the problem of cleaning wind-shields, but still car related, and so may be valuable.

I believe that it’s possible to have such a pattern of broad pattern searching happen all the time.

And I think the key to doing so is to not be a narcissist. That is, to have no taboos to thinking, such as the taboos that arise when confronted with an ego insult.

People protect their world views. You can’t talk to some people about their important views, such as God or Feminism, and expect reason to alter their mental map. Because they are ego invested in those views.

That hampers creativity – because your broad association seeking mechanism MUST shut down to protect the ego. DON’T GO THERE, the ego screams as it slams on the brakes.

“Even a single taboo can have an all-round crippling effect upon the mind, because there is always the danger that any thought which is freely followed up may lead to the forbidden thought.” – George Orwell.

To think creatively you have to learn the habit of being a systemic thinker, always putting each tiny little new bit of information into relationship with your entire mental map. One little contradiction is all Columbo needed to make his case. One cigarette but on the floor that had no explanation. To be creative you are not allowed any discrepancies in your mental map. If the information doesn’t fit, it means your map is either incomplete or inconsistent. That is a clue to sort that out.

Systemic thinking and narcissism, or the fake it until you make it PUA approach can not co-exist. Irrational self confidence means excluding reality such that you can maintain an emotion. It means believing that money and dick size and height and facial structure and clothes don’t matter – that the mental emotion is all you need. This will disable your creativity, because you have created mental roadblocks. Your massively parallel computer can no longer scan the whole database. You will no longer have access to a finely tuned database and instead your pattern seeking apparatus will work against you. It will function to creatively not let you think about the mental roadblocks.

Free associations can be habitual. We can practice them. But the habit does not work when we have to be wary of roadblocks while we drive. And a well organized database of associations can be called upon with much faster speed and coherence.

Therefore don’t fake it until you make it. Don’t believe in an afterlife because it takes the edge off. Habituate to not avoiding painful truths, and fitting them in properly to your workable system. In this way you will constantly carry around with you and refine a big picture view.

This big-picture view is called vision-logic. It’s where loads of information come at you all at once in a big picture insight. You can cultivate that.

But not if you fake it until you make it. You have to remove all the ego protecting road-blocks, and constantly fit things together coherently. That’s a creative endeavor of constant pattern recognition and making associations. That’s the mental habit you need to be effective in reality space – not merely emotional space.

Related:
The number one key to seduction; creativity.

Why irrational self confidence will fuck up your life

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Why entrepreneurialism is mis-represented

Posted by xsplat on December 14, 2013

Entrepreneurs may cut and paste from other businesses, but fundamentally they are going into the unknown. I’ve heard it said that 90% of new businesses fail within the first 5 years. I don’t think it’s that only the top 10% of people are smart enough to succeed, I think it’s more likely that the successful ones were the tenacious entrepreneurs 9th try.

persistance

My belief is that most people seeking advice on how to be an entrepreneur don’t actually want to be one. They want to have-been one.

There is no cook book recipe for going into the unknown. The cook book recipes are called franchises, and those come with steep costs and fees for a good reason. The unknown has been taken out of the equation for you.

In my last post I came down hard on motivational material and on ebook products for how to make money on the net. I’ll admit I don’t know what percent of my attitude comes from pride and arrogance. Pride in the “doing it my way” approach, and arrogance at easily dismissing other realities.

None the less, there is, I think, a fundamental thing entrepreneurs have to come to grips with that books won’t prepare them for. The unknown.

There actually have been books written about facing the unknown. Pema Chodron writes Buddhist based books on facing the unknown and opening up to that feeling of groundlessness without flinching away. Those are inspiring, and she even includes some techniques that can be practised to help create new neuronal synapses to re-wire habits so that we can deliberately take joy in going into what we know not.

We can read biographies of what other entrepreneurs did, and maybe some of the more clever writers will even be able to distil out some principles, in the same way Pema does.

But I don’t think that’s what people look for when they seek out marketing advice or entrepreneurial advice, and I don’t think that’s what’s being sold. What’s being sought after and sold is hope and out-dated recipes for what once sort of worked. Instructions for how to re-create a dead or dying franchise.

Market situations flux constantly, and many of the 90% of businesses that fail within 5 years were successfully following up on a trend before being cast aside. When I was a travelling vendor of imports I met a guy who caught the tie die trend of 1992 and wholesaled nationally to Walmart. Many entrepreneurs will constantly re-invent their businesses. Sometimes as they notice that it’s time to re-invent they’ll wring out some more money by publishing a book about how to duplicate what they no longer find enough profit in doing.

If an enterprise is scalable, then an enterprising businessman will scale it up. If importing Peruvian handicrafts is scalable in that there are enough profits to send out buyers and to open stores or send out salaried and commissioned travelling salesmen, then you will do that. If not, then you can write and sell an ebook about how to travel and get into sales of imports.

Travelling sales is a good way to get a feel for market cycles. You’ll meet a great many other entrepreneurs and over years see for yourself how your own and others businesses cycle. You’ll see how some businesses that were once amazingly profitable have now become a burden to the owner, who is trapped by a sunk cost of inventory that needs to be refreshed to keep the store functional but is no longer fast moving enough to pull in good money nor avoid much of it getting fashionably stale. So sometimes a vendor will just dump all his stock at a ridiculously low price, so that he can get out and start the next fresh thing. He has to do this before other people notice that the fashion is on the decline.

Ebooks are like that. The vendor is getting out, and selling you his hard won knowledge because it is no longer useful enough to him.

Successful SEO work is extremely valuable and is sold to clients at top dollar. If it works, it is scalable. From the principle above therefore you can conclude that any SEO advice you purchase no longer works that well.

The website http://www.blackhatworld.com is full of free advice that users share amongst each other about how to do search engine optimization work. It has an open-source, or socialist ethic. And of course service providers gain clients there.

Five years ago I was thrilled to discover it, and thought I’d now accelerate my business progress with the help of this huge resource of shared knowledge. I opened up a large office, renovated it, and had plans to scale up – offering the very services for sale that I’d seen discussed and advertised.

It didn’t turn out that way. I carefully studied all the plans and info available, hired staff to execute it, and worked hundreds of my own domains, focusing diligently on a few of my most valuable.

It didn’t work.

Ya, some things worked temporarily, but in the long run my best performing sites are the ones I didn’t touch at all. Some of my sites that I did SEO work for would flop up and down and eventually settled into the deep dark depths of the bottom of the rankings.

So I just stopped doing that, and focused on other things. Then a few months ago I went back to blackhatworld and made a post asking for SEO recommendations. It was time to try again. Radio silence. So I asked again. Only service providers answered, recommending their own services. I was persistent and stated and restated my desire for recommendations for an SEO specialist who was successful in their business of increasing ranks. Not one recommendation.

And from what I’ve written above, that’s exactly what you should expect.

Entrepreneurialism is not socialist. It’s capitalist. The good ideas are extremely valuable trade secrets, if they can be scaled up. And that’s what we aim for – scalable businesses.

I’ll try to come up with some tips for how to be a successful entrepreneur, but they will be very general, and won’t resemble a recipe you can follow. Entrepreneurialism is all about going into the unknown based upon your own creative vision. And tenacity.

Related:
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jimmy said: The person who is likely to succeed or follow through is likely to have a thinking style (or personality style) that is in the very low single figure percentage of the population. Some one who naturally thinks laterally, thinks and operates outside the box/grid, has the internal drive to keep at some thing until completion, operates a high level on everything (or at least improves all the time), has the ability to change direction and learn from mistakes (most people have an aversion to failure), switch from details to big picture, etc etc – this is a low percentage person.

A lot of people like the idea of being in charge or creating some thing or like to read about different successful people (often you can only get any worth from these stories if you too have encountered similar problems as they did or share traits they may have) and they may even come up with very basic ideas themselves. But an idea is often the heading at the top of a very long blank piece of paper which they never seem to progress far down the page before stalling. Or maybe they see it as a hobby that is unlikely to progress far rather like being on a journey and not reaching any destination.

Another thing I find is that people can never accept or see the worth in the help that you are trying to provide them often for free (on the flip side people offer others advice that is worthless as well). You could be providing them with information that would generate gain for them but no return for yourself. Often these are from making the same mistakes and learning – having experience in the same field or transferable skills – or being at the coal face and from having done the work that a better strategy would have yielded better returns next time.

Sometimes they even arrive at the advice themselves – usually several years down the line – and then you think that having been proven correct that they might take your advice now – highly unlikely.
Perhaps this is why most people who do have the right traits operate on their own.

I guess you can only recognize your own type and if your type is in a low percentage then you very infrequently encounter that type of person.

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