Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Music is geometrical

Posted by xsplat on January 7, 2014

As a consumer of music you can delve into an emotional reverie. The appreciation seems deep enough to you that it means to you that you encompass all the feeling in the music.

But as a producer of music you must learn the geometries of the notes. Chords are relationships between notes, and there are variations of chords that move into variations of other chords. There are options for deliberate mistakes which spike up the sense of resolution for fitting back into sonority.

The piano is a metaphor for life, just like most everything is. As you stretch into it, you become bigger.

There is no ultimate philosophical position; win or lose we all die. But evolution has made us to appreciate some things and told us that they are meaningful, and we have no choice in the matter. Your babies will be meaningful to you – and you have no choice about it. Your heartbreaks will be meaningful to you. And don’t fool yourself about some mystical matter of choice. And growing into new dimensions of experience feels pretty cool. There are endless dimensions to grow into.

I’m not musically talented. I’ve been at this piano thing for over a year, and my memory deficits mean I keep coming back again to discoveries most people would have learned on the first try. But it’s learning.

I’m built to feel it’s meaningful. Thank the creativolution for that.


A movie based on a 1905 novel was on HBO today and it was perfectly red pill. The rich man was a mommas boy born into a matriarchal family, and therefore he never needed to struggle. He found his place by being friendly; he was like water forced between bricks; he was adept at being congenial and finding his place.

Long story short, the female interest fell in love with the jock who had to rise up from a lower station and who was unrepentant about fucking around on his rich older wife and marrying again for money when his wife/sponsor died, in order to give his child the best position. The toy boy/bad boy was preferred over the witty gentleman who had no need to struggle for anything.

Evolution gives us rules, but thankfully it does also give us rewards.

I’d love to diary here about all the ups and downs in our ruko. Ruko is Indonesian for shop house. Cody is my best buddy prodigal adopted son and is killing it. I’ve given him direction plus a long leash plus a lot of time, and he optimized everything he was given. Jacob was not enthused by the projects I’d given him, and things fell apart. A failure of motivation, for which I take responsibility. But now I’m stoked about his new project. Seriously; it’s not the same level of stoked as a new fling, but almost. Several times a day I’m really enthused that he’s on a project that excites the both of us. This could be great.

I’ve got 15 people whose income depend on me now, not counting wives and children. It’s streched pretty thin, but there are several pools of backup money and monthly income still exceeds monthly expenses, despite all the heavy required new investments.

Two girls that I’m not satisfied with who other men would be happy to masturbate to are in my life. They are less trouble than they are worth.

Life has had some downs lately. The period of great happiness took a deep dip. And now has settled into an even good place. Anticipation is now the mood, rather than the fruition of great happiness that I had before.

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Impenetrably vacant heroes

Posted by xsplat on December 20, 2013

Look at the fashion runway, and the expression on the women’s faces.

Aloof? Ya.

Women admire other women who are impenetrably vacant. No emotions perturb them – what great success! They won the contest over negative emotions, by gaining admiration and aloof disdain. Win!

Men do this too, especially in PUA communities.

Is this really winning, if one examines options in the internal world? I mean, doesn’t it take an emotional idiot to be glued and fixated on the perception of other peoples perceptions, at the expense of any and all genuine connection to others?

Many of us think that fashion girls are picked by gay boys, who have a wise sense that girls show off for other girls. What men want to see are smiling faces and bigger hips and tits.

Do you want to model yourself after whatever female airhead is in style nowadays? Or do you want to be engaging and have a felt penetrating soul come out of your eyes and heart that instantly fills any room with something useful and important?

Aloof? Really? If that’s a style of attraction then it’s not quite even kindergarten level. It’s for people who are not really able to handle this whole idea of emotional connection and interpersonal reality that includes reality.

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Label yourself quiz; from bottom of ocean to top of sky

Posted by xsplat on December 20, 2013

succubusstar-trek-original-series-man-trapShe tried to feed me… suck. Feed me… suck. Keep me in just the right emotional disequilibrium, so that I was pliable.

It was the standard girl game, only amplified until it was plainly pathological. Girls aren’t supposed to be obvious.

Men also can be em-pathological. We become captain-save-a-ho and purchase her narrative of being a victim. When the vampire is sucking on your jugular and you are contemplating its childhood then it means the succubus tapped into your empathy circuits.

Body centred meditations are but one defence against the hordes of succubi. Having friends or being old and experienced or taking a walk in the woods will all give a little perspective.

When you notice that you spend a lot of time thinking of how much she disturbs you, it means that your defence system is not up to her barrage.

I, you, me, him and her, all take pleasure in mutual experience. This communal human condition is a fundamental way we feel happy and fulfilled and alive. Parties, sex, jokes, stories. Empathy and appreciation. It’s not the only way – but it’s a deep fundamental and necessary and important way.

Do you want your girl to be the emotional version of teflon and aluminum, with a hidden psychopathic agenda? Me not too. Heartiste and Roosh might think it sympatico though. Actually women are not aloof – they are segmented and sharded – they display the genuine emotions that are appropriate for the audience. But the point has been made that there is a contrast between emotional connection and emotional subversion.

Vampires subvert the process and don’t appreciate the core tennet of the human contract. Add value.

They suck value.

Look at me!

Feel down, until I can control you.

Some girls can poetically be described as deep sea giant squid.

Related: The underground economy of attention energy and energy vampires

Update: Men can be succubi too, as per this swoop the world hero who took a bunch of virginities and started many “romances” on false pretences. You go bro! Team man!

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How to think creatively

Posted by xsplat on December 15, 2013

Edward de Bono is the goto guy for ideas about creativity. He’s the guy who coined the phrase “lateral thinking”, has authored many books and is hired by corps for speaking engagements.

I’ve read a few of his books, and remember one principle, embodied by one of his tricks to generate new ideas. For a problem to solve he used the example of inventing a new type of windshield wiper. His creativity generating trick is top open up the dictionary at random and pick a word. Let’s say our word was “orange”. Now we use that word to come up with ideas for how to wipe car windows in the rain.

Before we go ahead and brainstorm, let’s look at why this works. The neural network is wired up with millions of associations. Using a trick like this we are scanning very broadly through all possible associations. Ideas will fly at us as we try to pattern recognize something that fits. In this way we are harnessing our massively parallel processing system.

How can an orange fit into pattern recognition about this problem? Oranges have qualities.
* They are round. Round things roll. We could roll something over the window. A sponge could roll over it, squeezing itself out as it goes or at each end of the wind-shield. The sponge would not have to roll, but could wipe. Sponges absorb water – how could absorbing water be an advantage? There are molecular arrangements that repel water instead of absorbing it. Can a hydrophobic treatment be applied to a window such that water can not stick to it, thus increasing visibility?
* Oranges have a certain colour. The problem with rain on the wind-shield is it obscures visibility. Can eyeglasses be worn to filter out the obscurations? Can a camera system hooked up to eyeglasses give better visibility than a windscreen? Can a computer filter out the noise of the raindrops on the fly and even digitally enhance the drivers view?
* Oranges have texture. They are bumpy and soft. Bumpy can also mean bumping up and down, which is like shaking. Can the windscreen vibrate away the water with some sonic device? Can a cushion of air be blasted out to prevent the water from reaching the screen and dry off whatever water lands?
* Oranges emit a volatile oil when you squeeze them – a fun trick is to pinch them near a candle flame. The oil smells nice. Can we use the sense of smell to warn us of impending crashes? Can we harness using different senses at the same time to feed greater information into the system than through just one sense? That could be useful instead of checking on the rear-view mirror – a computer could notice impending rear ends and warn us with a beep. Unrelated to the problem of cleaning wind-shields, but still car related, and so may be valuable.

I believe that it’s possible to have such a pattern of broad pattern searching happen all the time.

And I think the key to doing so is to not be a narcissist. That is, to have no taboos to thinking, such as the taboos that arise when confronted with an ego insult.

People protect their world views. You can’t talk to some people about their important views, such as God or Feminism, and expect reason to alter their mental map. Because they are ego invested in those views.

That hampers creativity – because your broad association seeking mechanism MUST shut down to protect the ego. DON’T GO THERE, the ego screams as it slams on the brakes.

“Even a single taboo can have an all-round crippling effect upon the mind, because there is always the danger that any thought which is freely followed up may lead to the forbidden thought.” – George Orwell.

To think creatively you have to learn the habit of being a systemic thinker, always putting each tiny little new bit of information into relationship with your entire mental map. One little contradiction is all Columbo needed to make his case. One cigarette but on the floor that had no explanation. To be creative you are not allowed any discrepancies in your mental map. If the information doesn’t fit, it means your map is either incomplete or inconsistent. That is a clue to sort that out.

Systemic thinking and narcissism, or the fake it until you make it PUA approach can not co-exist. Irrational self confidence means excluding reality such that you can maintain an emotion. It means believing that money and dick size and height and facial structure and clothes don’t matter – that the mental emotion is all you need. This will disable your creativity, because you have created mental roadblocks. Your massively parallel computer can no longer scan the whole database. You will no longer have access to a finely tuned database and instead your pattern seeking apparatus will work against you. It will function to creatively not let you think about the mental roadblocks.

Free associations can be habitual. We can practice them. But the habit does not work when we have to be wary of roadblocks while we drive. And a well organized database of associations can be called upon with much faster speed and coherence.

Therefore don’t fake it until you make it. Don’t believe in an afterlife because it takes the edge off. Habituate to not avoiding painful truths, and fitting them in properly to your workable system. In this way you will constantly carry around with you and refine a big picture view.

This big-picture view is called vision-logic. It’s where loads of information come at you all at once in a big picture insight. You can cultivate that.

But not if you fake it until you make it. You have to remove all the ego protecting road-blocks, and constantly fit things together coherently. That’s a creative endeavor of constant pattern recognition and making associations. That’s the mental habit you need to be effective in reality space – not merely emotional space.

The number one key to seduction; creativity.

Why irrational self confidence will fuck up your life

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Why entrepreneurialism is mis-represented

Posted by xsplat on December 14, 2013

Entrepreneurs may cut and paste from other businesses, but fundamentally they are going into the unknown. I’ve heard it said that 90% of new businesses fail within the first 5 years. I don’t think it’s that only the top 10% of people are smart enough to succeed, I think it’s more likely that the successful ones were the tenacious entrepreneurs 9th try.


My belief is that most people seeking advice on how to be an entrepreneur don’t actually want to be one. They want to have-been one.

There is no cook book recipe for going into the unknown. The cook book recipes are called franchises, and those come with steep costs and fees for a good reason. The unknown has been taken out of the equation for you.

In my last post I came down hard on motivational material and on ebook products for how to make money on the net. I’ll admit I don’t know what percent of my attitude comes from pride and arrogance. Pride in the “doing it my way” approach, and arrogance at easily dismissing other realities.

None the less, there is, I think, a fundamental thing entrepreneurs have to come to grips with that books won’t prepare them for. The unknown.

There actually have been books written about facing the unknown. Pema Chodron writes Buddhist based books on facing the unknown and opening up to that feeling of groundlessness without flinching away. Those are inspiring, and she even includes some techniques that can be practised to help create new neuronal synapses to re-wire habits so that we can deliberately take joy in going into what we know not.

We can read biographies of what other entrepreneurs did, and maybe some of the more clever writers will even be able to distil out some principles, in the same way Pema does.

But I don’t think that’s what people look for when they seek out marketing advice or entrepreneurial advice, and I don’t think that’s what’s being sold. What’s being sought after and sold is hope and out-dated recipes for what once sort of worked. Instructions for how to re-create a dead or dying franchise.

Market situations flux constantly, and many of the 90% of businesses that fail within 5 years were successfully following up on a trend before being cast aside. When I was a travelling vendor of imports I met a guy who caught the tie die trend of 1992 and wholesaled nationally to Walmart. Many entrepreneurs will constantly re-invent their businesses. Sometimes as they notice that it’s time to re-invent they’ll wring out some more money by publishing a book about how to duplicate what they no longer find enough profit in doing.

If an enterprise is scalable, then an enterprising businessman will scale it up. If importing Peruvian handicrafts is scalable in that there are enough profits to send out buyers and to open stores or send out salaried and commissioned travelling salesmen, then you will do that. If not, then you can write and sell an ebook about how to travel and get into sales of imports.

Travelling sales is a good way to get a feel for market cycles. You’ll meet a great many other entrepreneurs and over years see for yourself how your own and others businesses cycle. You’ll see how some businesses that were once amazingly profitable have now become a burden to the owner, who is trapped by a sunk cost of inventory that needs to be refreshed to keep the store functional but is no longer fast moving enough to pull in good money nor avoid much of it getting fashionably stale. So sometimes a vendor will just dump all his stock at a ridiculously low price, so that he can get out and start the next fresh thing. He has to do this before other people notice that the fashion is on the decline.

Ebooks are like that. The vendor is getting out, and selling you his hard won knowledge because it is no longer useful enough to him.

Successful SEO work is extremely valuable and is sold to clients at top dollar. If it works, it is scalable. From the principle above therefore you can conclude that any SEO advice you purchase no longer works that well.

The website http://www.blackhatworld.com is full of free advice that users share amongst each other about how to do search engine optimization work. It has an open-source, or socialist ethic. And of course service providers gain clients there.

Five years ago I was thrilled to discover it, and thought I’d now accelerate my business progress with the help of this huge resource of shared knowledge. I opened up a large office, renovated it, and had plans to scale up – offering the very services for sale that I’d seen discussed and advertised.

It didn’t turn out that way. I carefully studied all the plans and info available, hired staff to execute it, and worked hundreds of my own domains, focusing diligently on a few of my most valuable.

It didn’t work.

Ya, some things worked temporarily, but in the long run my best performing sites are the ones I didn’t touch at all. Some of my sites that I did SEO work for would flop up and down and eventually settled into the deep dark depths of the bottom of the rankings.

So I just stopped doing that, and focused on other things. Then a few months ago I went back to blackhatworld and made a post asking for SEO recommendations. It was time to try again. Radio silence. So I asked again. Only service providers answered, recommending their own services. I was persistent and stated and restated my desire for recommendations for an SEO specialist who was successful in their business of increasing ranks. Not one recommendation.

And from what I’ve written above, that’s exactly what you should expect.

Entrepreneurialism is not socialist. It’s capitalist. The good ideas are extremely valuable trade secrets, if they can be scaled up. And that’s what we aim for – scalable businesses.

I’ll try to come up with some tips for how to be a successful entrepreneur, but they will be very general, and won’t resemble a recipe you can follow. Entrepreneurialism is all about going into the unknown based upon your own creative vision. And tenacity.




jimmy said: The person who is likely to succeed or follow through is likely to have a thinking style (or personality style) that is in the very low single figure percentage of the population. Some one who naturally thinks laterally, thinks and operates outside the box/grid, has the internal drive to keep at some thing until completion, operates a high level on everything (or at least improves all the time), has the ability to change direction and learn from mistakes (most people have an aversion to failure), switch from details to big picture, etc etc – this is a low percentage person.

A lot of people like the idea of being in charge or creating some thing or like to read about different successful people (often you can only get any worth from these stories if you too have encountered similar problems as they did or share traits they may have) and they may even come up with very basic ideas themselves. But an idea is often the heading at the top of a very long blank piece of paper which they never seem to progress far down the page before stalling. Or maybe they see it as a hobby that is unlikely to progress far rather like being on a journey and not reaching any destination.

Another thing I find is that people can never accept or see the worth in the help that you are trying to provide them often for free (on the flip side people offer others advice that is worthless as well). You could be providing them with information that would generate gain for them but no return for yourself. Often these are from making the same mistakes and learning – having experience in the same field or transferable skills – or being at the coal face and from having done the work that a better strategy would have yielded better returns next time.

Sometimes they even arrive at the advice themselves – usually several years down the line – and then you think that having been proven correct that they might take your advice now – highly unlikely.
Perhaps this is why most people who do have the right traits operate on their own.

I guess you can only recognize your own type and if your type is in a low percentage then you very infrequently encounter that type of person.

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Wanna be an entrepreneur? No, you want to buy a ticket in the entrepreneur lottery.

Posted by xsplat on December 12, 2013

entrepreurialismJake has a few good posts about the business plan of selling the dream to would be entrepeneurs.

I used to do it myself. I used to create and sell “money making” websites. The money making was in selling the websites. I once came across a magazine subscription website selling website. I put my full time programmer to the task of reverse engineering it, and then sold the same websites. The owner of the original contacted me and mentioned that he noticed that I “discovered that the real money is not in selling magazine subscriptions, but in selling websites”.

I used to make some serious money selling people the dream, knowing full well that I was offering nothing of value. It didn’t feel great to earn money that way, but I made my excuses. I was leeching but not killing the host. Not that much harm done.

This is the business model of 98% of ALL internet business help you will find out there, either for free or paid.

Comments I left on Jakes post how-to-make-a-miiiiiiiillion-dollars-bitches

Yup again. I wonder what percent of my business ideas that I’ve tried to execute “failed”, or were distractions from more successful ventures. Probably more than 90%. And although I’ve been self employed and supported for 25 years, at least 15 of those years were living hand to mouth.

Fundamentally I’ve learned nothing from others. Not to say that I haven’t tried to learn from others. Looking back everything I did that was successful was entirely self taught, and a product of my own creativity, initiative and drive.

So my experience agrees with yours. Throw yourself in the water and be prepared for years and years of struggle, followed by many ups and downs.

The last 5 or so years I’ve had stable good success that I’ve been able to grow upon in a stable way for greater success – but even getting to the place psychologically to be able to take appropriate risks – neither too big nor too small – took a great many years.

I don’t think entrepreneurialism has anything to do with purchasing motivation, and next to nothing to do with purchasing plans for how to succeed, and yes even next to nothing to do with networking with a bunch of other entrepreneurs.

Entrepreneurs discover market opportunities, puzzle out how to create and market real products (that are not just selling to wanna be entrepreneurs the dream). Nobody is going to give away their market opportunity to you. That creative spark has to come from the entrepreneur – that’s what makes him an entrepreneur. Otherwise you can work for a salary or commission for an entrepreneur.

Entrepreneurs are the combination of the dreamer and the practical man. He has a vision, and crucially, can visualize all the steps needed to turn the vision into reality.

And he practices this skill. Over and over and over again.

You don’t get that from a book, or a forum.

From comments on Jakes post circle-jerks-content-consumption-to-action-ratio

Agreed. I’ve never understood the product of motivation. And that’s what Tropical MBA sells. I read in an interview of him that he quit his previous businesses, and focuses all his attention now on his motivational business.

It’s similar with forums like blackhatworld. It’s nearly entirely crap – a bunch of guys in India selling out their services to people who want to make money. I’ve asked there a few times for someone who was not a vendor of services to recommend a service provider who actually helped with their SEO goals, and could not get a single recommendation.

Most internet marketing is merely a pyramid scheme, selling internet marketing. Wanna make money on the internet? Write an ebook about how to make money on the internet! It’s what I did and look at all my money!

I like to make my money by selling physical things that I have a hand in designing and or producing and or packaging. The buck has to stop somewhere. We can’t all endlessly sell to each other the idea of how to sell. Production is production – not talking about marketing.

Those who know how do. Those who don’t teach. My feeling is that you have to learn by doing, and that the real important information you will learn will be your valued trade secrets.

I’m starting up more than 5 new businesses currently, and none of them are related to ebooks or motivation. Real businesses selling real things, with real employees in meat space carving and cutting and programming and computer-modelling and photo-modelling and gluing and melting and mixing and pouring and packaging.

Its my feeling that marketing marketing is a scam. And while marketing motivation may help some people, like you say – the people who need that likely aren’t the people who can be successful anyway. The need for vicarious motivation is a sign that something is wrong.

Ya, I know that’s harsh. Elitist even.

I don’t know where motivation comes from, but I just doubt it comes from a book, or even a cheerleeding squad. Entrepreneurialism is lonely, risky, business. If you are not internally driven for that, then get a salary and focus on savings. A book isn’t going to help you. Really. There will be no useful actionable content in anything you will ever come across about how to be a successful entrepreneur. All you will be doing is getting yourself hyped up and temporarily enjoying the feel good rush of the hyped up state of mind.

That’s not what entrepreneurialism is about. Entrepreneurialism is self directed – self motivated – self created. It comes from inside you.

It’s like writing. Writers often claim to decide to stop writing. They never do. Writers write because they are compelled to write. They are self motivated. You can’t buy motivation to write. You can’t read about motivation to write. You either have that drive in you, or you don’t. If you don’t then fine. Get a salary. Or pay someone to feed you the rush of hopes and dreams.

You’ll never meet a retired writer, just as you’ll never meet a retired entrepreneur. And if you need ideas for what to write about or motivation to write, then you’re not a writer. Same for entrepreneurialism. We don’t become entrepreneurs in order to become rich and happy – there is no end point. We do it because we are compelled. The ideas always pop up, and we find fun in figuring out how to and actually birthing and fostering our creative babies. And no amount of growth will ever be an end in itself. Growth is a means to growth.

You can’t purchase that compulsion. And without it you’ll never persist through the hard times, and never get yourself from A all the way through to Z. There is no A to Z book for how to start a NEW business.

However, general lifestyle advice can help a person to put themselves onto the upward spiral. New thought patterns can be learned to increase productivity, health, and even motivation. You can through force of applied intellect and will put yourself into a better position to be self motivated and creative.

But the actionable content required to do so could probably be penned into a few pages, I’d think. Eat well, exercise, work to increase your contact with people you admire, avoid time sucking bad habits, stay off the booze, practice something valuable that you enjoy every day, throw yourself into tight deadlines and sink or swim situations where necessity will mother your inventiveness, don’t jerk to porn, and so forth. You can maximize your lifestyle so that the funk doesn’t start to grow on you, and so that you’ll have the vitality to see and take good risks, and follow through with energy year after year up until minutes before you die fighting.

Update: Some people who think with their emotions view a lottery ticket as a business plan. Buying a lottery ticket has nothing to with a financial future; it is the purchase of temporary hope.

People value hope enough that they purchase it.

Visualizing success has been scientifically proven to PREVENT success. You’re brain will be fooled into feeling sated with success, and so you wont feel the motivational pressure of urgent need to take concrete real life actions. Visualization is good for muscle memory, not for psychologically feeling like a winner and therefore magically becoming one. Winning happens by actions over time – it’s not related to muscle memory and it is not a matter of a special feeling. Win first, feel later.

It’s true that there will always be a broad demand for purchased temporary hope. You can make money selling the dream. I just think that adding value is a better business plan and leads to a valuable warm fuzzy feeling, which makes for good life crafting synergy.

I’m no motivation expert, and frankly can’t stand any motivational talk – it just annoys me. I see no need for it – just give the content already and spare me the commercial. Maybe I’m just wired differently and people do need 120 minutes of prep talk to be able to be interested enough to focus and digest 10 sentences worth of information. But I’ve seen that I can’t even give away the real life opportunity of being an entrepreneur on a gold plate tied in a red ribbon, even when all risks are removed and invaluable mentorship and guidance are provided.

So something is up. People are not after the real life process of getting from A to Z. They are after an emotional fix of hope.

Entrepreneurship is not about creating and recreating hope. It’s not about visualizing success. It’s about having a vision and implementing it.

Want to be a good writer? Don’t visualize success. That will not only not help you it will get in your way. Nor is the key to write every day. The key to being a good writer is having something important to say. And how can you buy that?

Want to be an entrepreneur? Same type of key. Have something important to sell. And where does the ability to spot market opportunities come from? From hope?

I personally find the sale of lottery tickets distasteful, and a form of stupidity tax. But I’m not above it, and yes there is money in it.

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Do you think with your internal voice, or with pictures?

Posted by xsplat on December 8, 2013

I’ve just discovered youtube interviews with Feynman. I like his animated speaking style – it’s a performance art that is intriguing. I’ve had mentors from whom parts of their personality rubbed off on me through the imprinting of long association, and there is something about this guys speaking style that also seems worthy of paying attention to.

In this interview he details a fascinating meditation he did, regarding counting at the same time as performing other mental functions.

I’ll assume you watched the interview and won’t summarize.

The video points out a theme that’s been ongoing in my life. When asleep I can have extremely vivid lucid dreams – much more vivid than regular wakefullness. This is possible because when we are awake what we see is not actually a camera representation – we are visualizing with our eyes open, using the noisy signal from our eyes. Our peripheral vision and blind spots and shaky cam are all smoothed out and we mentally piece together a whole coherent picture. In dreams for some reason my visualizing capacity is greatly increased. I can’t visualize when I’m awake. I’ve talked to many meditators who practice Tibetan style visualization techniques, and they simply don’t believe me, as my experience is so different than theirs. When they close their eyes they can see clearly a candy apple. I can’t. But if I’m dreaming I can see the apple, the tree behind it, the field of flowers that the tree is in, the sky above, my hand holding the apple, and on and on, clearer than if my eyes were open.

So clearly my mind has this capacity to visualize. It’s just not integrated with how I habitually use my mind when awake.

Well, I’ve been working on that, in a tangential way. Instead of working on visualizing, (which is more successful in twilight sleep, late at night or early in the morning), I am trying to generally increase overall brain function cohesion, especially through making new synapse connections through the multi-brain-function taxing task of playing piano. I suspect playing piano will make my brain more generally integrated overall.

You see, this creative visualization part is always there working, and talking to me, but it comes at me through verbal space, I believe. I’ll have a big coherent Vision-Logic image where all the facets of many myriad pieces of information come at me all at once in a fully coherent picture, but I get it into awareness in vague imagery and translated into concepts, which are more verbal than visual. I don’t see clear pictures. Just as if I try to imagine a candy apple, I don’t see it – but I feel an idea of it. It’s extremely vague. Like an idea of a candy apple that has a shape. I suppose ideas are somewhat visual. But in twilight or dream sleep the image generator is not thinking – it creates visions with enormous amounts of info in them all at once, through massively parallel processing. It’s stunning and startling the amount of not only information, but insight, and even more stunning how incredibly FAST it works.

Lately when I close my eyes, I see stuff. If I was out flower shopping, I might see flowers. I intuit that playing the piano regularly is influencing this integration of the vision generator into regular awareness.

It is my intention to foster this. There is much untapped potential, and I really love this aspect of myself. I consider it nearly a separate self – someone I can talk to and listen to. Although he’s partially integrated, the visions he gives me are often quite a surprise. But I can work with him, in a dialogue, and for instance do eyes open visualizations of “auras” between my hands. We both understand it’s just an eyes open visualization – I’m no longer afraid of becoming delusional and fooled into believing in hallucinations. I have to literally have a dialogue with him to get him to participate, as he has somewhat of a mind of his own.

Update: Intriguingly, I cant seem to be creative on the piano while at the same time paying much attention to the visual field of seeing my fingers. I can see my hands and where my fingers go, but my visualization capacity is mostly being used up in understanding the geometrical relationships between the keys in various chords, so I can’t “rest my mind” into the visual field, the way I do in vipassana meditation. Also worth noting is that when I do much vipassana resting-the-mind-into the visual field meditation, dreams become more lucid. This should be no surprise as the visual field is in actuality a visualization, and so practicing being aware of much of the visual field at once IS practicing visualizing. So as the Feynman video shows, we use some components of our brain for different tasks, but we can’t seem to use those components for many tasks at once. For me my visualization component is in some ways locked away and/or caught up in other uses during regular daytime awareness, but is more and more lately starting to poke it’s head out with the type of visions he shows me in night time dream visions. Various meditations and mental habits of mindfulness may gently transform my internal experience to include more info from the visualizer. Which is great – I really like him and he has a great sense of humour.

Update: When I play the piano with my eyes closed I notice I can use two systems to find my way around the keys. Number 1 is muscle memory and the kinesthetic sense, and the 2nd is visualizing the keys. My default is to just use the kinesthetic sense, but if I only use that it’s easier to lose place. So now I’ll start to practice more with eyes closed. That should work some brain muscles. Hopefully that will help develop perfect pitch as well. By the way I was once able to carry a perfect pitch for one note around with me all day, so I know that should be possible for the whole piano. In theory I should be able to see and hear the whole thing, all in my head, with enough practice. That’s how some teachers teach and say it’s a crucial skill to develop.

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It’s not a joke and yes this means you; science says without intimacy your life will suck rotten eggs

Posted by xsplat on December 6, 2013

When talking to women about anything negative about them, it often helps to talk as if you were talking about her friends. “Don’t you hate when other girls gossip too much?” Instead of “you’re a horrible gossip”. Women are primarily emotional, so if the information provokes negative feelings, her reaction to the information will be negative at worst, dismissive at best.

But I’m not sure that’s the best tack to take for men. Maybe it’s better to be in your face and painful about some negative habits. Because it seems to me that stubborn habits sometimes won’t be broken without a major slap in the face with the fish of reality.

Intimacy is frowned upon, in some circles, and I’ve mentioned before that I view this as a circle jerk of negativity. Yes, strong words. Allright, I’ll stop talking now and the rest of this post will be quotes from here and here.

In 1938 Harvard University began following 268 male undergraduate students and kicked off the longest-running longitudinal studies of human development in history. The study’s goal was to determine as best as possible what factors contribute most strongly to human flourishing. The astonishing range of psychological, anthropological, and physical traits — ranging from personality type to IQ to drinking habits to family relationships to “hanging length of his scrotum” — indicates just how exhaustive and quantifiable the research data has become.

In Vallant’s own words, the #1 most important finding from the Grant Study is this: “The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points to a straightforward five-word conclusion: Happiness is love. Full stop.”

Of the 31 men in the study incapable of establishing intimate bonds, only four are still alive. Of those who were better at forming relationships, more than a third are living. It’s not that the men who flourished had perfect childhoods. Rather, as Vaillant puts it, ‘What goes right is more important than what goes wrong.’ The positive effect of one loving relative, mentor or friend can overwhelm the negative effects of the bad things that happen. In case after case, the magic formula is capacity for intimacy combined with persistence, discipline, order and dependability. The men who could be affectionate about people and organized about things had very enjoyable lives. But a childhood does not totally determine a life. The beauty of the Grant Study is that, as Vaillant emphasizes, it has followed its subjects for nine decades. The big finding is that you can teach an old dog new tricks. The men kept changing all the way through, even in their 80s and 90s.

Many of its findings seem universal. If they could be boiled down to a single revelation, it would be that the secret to a happy life is relationships, relationships, relationships.

The importance is stressed of a warm early upbringing as well as the capacity for and receptiveness of intimacy (love.)

and regarding serial monogamy:

Divorce led to happier marriages than the bottom third of sustaining marriages.

and regarding drinking:

…and alcohol use (its abuse being by far the greatest disruptor of health and happiness for the study’s subjects)

Alcoholism had bigger negative impacts than measured by most previous studies. It accounted for more than half of the divorces in the Grant Study. The study shows that it is unlikely that alcoholics can return safely to social drinking

Particularly revealing is the major impact of heredity and the destructive effect of alcoholism on the life history, sometimes emerging only after many years.

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The underground economy of attention energy and energy vampires

Posted by xsplat on December 6, 2013

energy-vampiresI bet you didn’t know this, but once I explain it you’ll think to yourself “Ya, I knew that all along, I just didn’t know that I knew it”.

It’s said that introverts only have so much social energy to spend each day, or each week, and when they get drained they need quiet time to recharge.

Well, that’s a weakness. Therefore, according to Darwin, there will exist some entity that will exploit that weakness.

Women are energy vampires by design. They try to drain your attention so that you won’t have enough social battery left in you to engage freshly in a positive frame with other girls.

Have you ever met someone who always asks you to repeat yourself, no matter how clearly you enunciate or how loudly you speak? “I didn’t bring any money”. “What? You didn’t bring any money?” “Yes.” “Really?” Some people will keep this up until you’ve repeated yourself 5 times before they are willing to let the knowledge sink in. It’s as if they want you to do the difficult mental processing for them. Does not instantly compute? Ask for repetition. Not exactly what you were expecting? Ask for repetition. But it’s not that simple – the same people who do this are the same people who suck all the attention out of a room. It’s just a subtle look-at-me feed me attention game. Oh! You’re speaking to me and feeding me attention! Do it again! Do it again!

Look at the people in your life and you’ll notice which ones demand you to process their thoughts for them, instead of doing it internally. You’ll see which ones constantly demand affirmation and re-affirmation. Can a girl stay with you in a room and be QUIET and make the space feel warm and loved? If not then she’s an energy vampire. She’s not just doing it because she feels insecure. She’s doing it because it’s also a strategy to drain your limited relational battery.

Attention is a limited resource. We only have so much to spend. Many pathological mental strategies, such as those employed by BPDs, are forms of energy vampirism. Its to a womans advantage to get you worked up and pissed off at her. You will lose the spring in your step and need time by yourself until you are again at your best. Unbalancing you strengthens her hold on you, because it makes you weaker, and therefore less attractive.

Women ALWAYS want to betafy their man. Always. They will use these nasty underground manoeuvres. You’ll usually never notice. It’s so low it almost always goes under the radar. Step by step women will try every angle and poke and prod at you to weaken you until you give in and just give her all your attention.

But being a man means holding inside you this strong feeling of individuation and internal power and love. You own it, and can share from that space. She wants to own you, all of you, and will never satisfied with anything less.

I’m talking to myself here. I’m trying to train my 18 to shut the fuck up more, and I always cut her off the instant she tries to flare up even a hint of drama. And I’m trying to train her to stop kissing me so often, or follow me around, or stare at me so much. And it’s occurring to me that more is at stake than just training a woman. It’s also about leaving space in my own energy system for a larger social life. Not letting her get so much attention that I have none left to give.

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Women believe they are responsible for the gifts they get

Posted by xsplat on December 4, 2013

Barbie-Fairytopia-Magic-of-the-Rainbow-barbie-movies-28583693-900-506Attractive women attract gifts and favours.

This seems to have gone to their heads, and then into their genes. Instead of feeling gratitude for the efforts of others, they feel deserving. And responsible for them.

My N18 was watching the Disney Channel which was showing some cartoon serial about a bunch of prancing pixie dust farting flying Cinderellas or Fairytopia Barbies or something, and it was instructional as to the female mind. You had a few male characters, who were all suitors of some sort. Some were handsome but wimpy, some were only moderately attractive and darkly overbearing with an air of evil intent, some were high status and wealthy but cowardly, some were just the right combination of deferential yet snarky and unimpressed, bold yet not too rapey. And the females came in personalities too – a few were back-stabbing bitches with ill intent. You could tell these by their malevolent eyebrows. malevolent-eyebrows

But the most telling part of the show was that girls would speak out loud their wishes, and they would come true. Who are they talking to? Who are they asking for these favours? Even when the incantation had the lilt of a prayer, they were still asking favours from no existent other; their solipsism was dialled up to 11 and all that existed was the power of their prayer. They were solely responsible for the magic. The magic came from their girl power.

They ask for stuff, throughout the show, and it magically happens, and not so much as a thank you to the provider of magic.

I was reminded of women’s attitude to government services.


I’m not living with live-in anymore. So from now on I’ll call her M. Although she pushed things past the breaking point, she still won’t leave my shop house. Here is the thing; women are hard wired to demand severance pay. It’s as instinctual as a monarch butterfly migrating to the same tree in South America as it’s great grandparents did. They feel that once they get a man to bond with him, that he is a personal slave and that they own half his shit, even if he tries to leave her. That he CAN’T leave her until he pays up.

I’ve been trying to get her out of my shop house, and so am withholding some financial support until she moves into a new apartment that I’ll pay for. I will support her until her big tits land her a new man. I think that’s fair, after all I trained her to be a geisha for three years, when she was previously career oriented.

I had pulled my Yamaha Clavinova electric piano to my new larger shop house, leaving the room bereft of most of its soul, and so she wanted me to return the previous smaller electric piano, which I now have in N18s apartment. As she had agreed with her mouth to eventually move out, out of warm hearted desire for her happiness I brought over an even smaller one I had originally bought for N18s apt. M got angry and complained that she wanted the bigger middle-sized one.

What a princess. Where does she think money comes from? It’s this self entitled attitude that can be so off putting to men.

No Cinderella, you don’t get stuff just because you wished for it and think you deserve it. I’ll just take the small one away and you can pay for your own damned piano if that’s not good enough. Not so much as a thank you!

Self entitled princesses who think they own a slave for life if they bond with you. Nope. I have an identity, solipsism queen. My stuff belongs to me.

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Dilating your pupils at will, with Desmont Morris

Posted by xsplat on November 30, 2013

Below is a repost, with relevant video from Desmond Morris

The advantage to learning to be emotionally open and capable through practices such as deliberate romance, improvisational music, chi-kung, bodhicitta generation and group socializing is that you can learn to feel love at will, which will dilate the pupils.

This has a large influence on the person you are talking to. It can make them open up emotionally very fast.

When combined with displays of creativity, interpersonal and social ease and respected dominance, large pupils are hypnotic.

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The number one key to seduction; creativity.

Posted by xsplat on November 29, 2013

Desmond Morris, author of “The Human Animal” and narrator of related documentaries has explained that humans come pre-programmed to develop their artistic creativity as a means of display of sexual fitness.

He explains how Chimps can draw an abstract type of art with squiggles, but how humans develop past squiggles to squiggling circles, which turn into faces, which turn into stick figures, which turn into stick figures placed within landscapes.

This innate drive to develop our creativity is not limited to crayons and paper. We do it in all endeavours.

And we pay a great deal of attention to it, socially and sexually. In any realm of activity you can imagine, we screen for cues and clues of creativity. Wit, musical ability, orative skill, interior design, skill at grooming. Our mastery over creative expression plays a huge role in getting laid at all, and especially the quality of mate we can attract.

And here is something you need know, and know in your ever-arising consciousness. The creative machinations of the brain are all plugged in and intermeshed and wired up into your emotions.

If you want to be fully creative, you also have to be fully emotional.

Artists are known to be emotionally sensitive. We are born with innate predispositions, however regardless of these we have some leeway to shift our habits in one direction or another. The sensitive can desensitise, and the callous can refine their sensibilities. However if you want to plug into your creative abilities and refine them, you’re also going to be plugging into your emotions. They go hand in hand. Colours themselves have emotional content – that’s how the brain works. If you go into a room painted all in red lit by red lamps, you’ll feel differently than in a green or white or blue room. The architecture of your environment is also an expression and transmission of emotion. Just as is music. Emotions and creativity are intermeshed.

So one way to improve as a man is to be emotionally capable. The problem lots of guys have run into, which I don’t see being addressed, is that they lack boundaries and backbone and experience with the ways of manipulative women, and so their romantic emotions leave them vulnerable to being tooled.

They then discover the dark triad quick boost method of gaining hand, and come to assume that emotions where their problem all along.

Which really fucks up their life, and cuts off all possibility of any further deep development.

Emotions were never a problem. It’s not being able to use them that is a problem.

Emotions are a valuable tool, but people see them as too dangerous to mess with.

Growth as a man means being emotionally capable. Only then can he work towards maximizing his happiness and his seductive prowess.

If creativity is our number one way to display sexual fitness, what are others?

Well, we need to apply our creativity in ways that give us status, and so we need strength and leadership. We need strong boundaries and hand. We need to stand up to the rigours of the competitive world and come out visibly ahead. It’s not enough to have a creative wit or be great musician, we need to apply our skills to receive recognition and enough social clout to afford to translate our skills into manipulation of our environment, such that we can afford to order people around to tastefully build and decorate our visions, and can afford to treat our friends to meals and locations, and can influence the real world.

And the number one way that people are influenced is by mood. Just look at a stadium of people listening to music. Or look at how you are affected by your personal mentors. Their emotional openness integrated with their creative expression moves you, and influences you. And gives them authority and power.

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Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life

Posted by xsplat on November 29, 2013

blue-water-marinerAvd said:

“Manosphere-boobs who prefer to blame the bitches for being unlovable and pump and dump them rather than go through the pain of maturing their LTR and interpersonal skills.”

This is something NEVER addressed in the MS, presumably because it’s deemed bad for sales/traffic. (There are some heavy hitting motherfuckers out there who preach otherwise, and they’re right, in my personal experience.) What a great disservice to the various communities of males seeking to improve their lives regarding inter-sex relations. Internalizing the belief that females are bitches (in a negative rather than fun way) and that pumping and dumping is the way to deal with them, changes one’s OWN internal wiring in a way that the vast majority of males will not be happy with for long-term purposes in their OWN lives. Then they’ll be faced with having to work themselves out of that mindset (once they’ve gotten good at it!) in order to move toward more healthy and fulfilling relations with others. An unnecessary self-imposed hurdle along one’s path. In fact, the quickest way to solid inter-sex relations is to LOVE what you want, NOT despise it. (With healthy boundaries, of course.)

The dark triad stuff works in the short term, but it will blow back on you in the long term. And after all, you ARE implementing a long term strategy for YOUR life, right? Think of the dark triad stuff as a way to radically shift unproductive mind-sets in the short term, to learn to define your boundaries, but not as a long-term tactic for your OWN personal wellbeing. Do YOU like spending time with people who treat YOU with dark triad techniques, female or male? This applies not exclusively to LTRs, either, but also to Rs, in general. Short term flings can be totally healthy, no need to treat another human like shit to enjoy sharing a bit of your life with them.

For the vast majority of males, the damage inflicted on others and upon ONESELF by acting on the world from a spiteful mindset will have to be addressed at some point, because they will never be content with the resulting life they create for themselves from a spiteful stance. Far easier to understand the uncomfortable truth going into the fire, to be aware of it, stare it down as it arises, iteratively deal with it, and make adjustments in real time, rather than constructing an unhealthy internal edifice (and external consequences) that will have to be deconstructed in one’s future.

To the newer readers, you might consider going into all of this with your eyes open to the harsh realities revealed by the MS and the courage to deal with your OWN shit as it arises during your own personal process of change, rather than unfairly putting it onto others, and rather than putting your OWN internal work off for later. Good chance this will accelerate your own growth by avoiding altogether a bog that many in the MS have clearly sunk into. Also, don’t think for one second that every proprietor in the MS is past this stage themselves—just not the case—kind of sobering when one considers the quantity of males being influenced by these proprietors. You might consider thinking of it as avoiding the accumulation of “personal growth” debt that you’d rather not have to work off in your future.

Alternatively, go through it, if that’s your path. Either way, just move forward and do your best to avoid the traps.

The human is wired to give itself the most exquisite sugar rush of all: the rush of empathetic socio-sexual communion. A lovers glance, touch, gestures, food, care, blowjobs, sex and even silent accompaniment can each fill a man with sublime pleasure.

It is not just women who have sexuality enhanced through emotions. Sex with a hottie that you are into will arouse much more intense feelings than sex with someone who doesn’t turn you on. Men can be turned on emotionally. We are built for it.

And yet we can also lose touch with that ability. Use it or lose it. Many men have only been in love a small handful of times.

And men don’t learn how to deal with love in a way that they maintain any sense of finesse. The get lost in the tumult, and overwhelmed, to the point that they crash their boat on painful rocks and become broken. And after scrambling to shore, some manage to get to back out to sea, but it’s the rare man who becomes a hearty and skilful blue water seafarer.

The ocean is rich. We are built for this.

But you have to earn your sea legs. The most skilled mariners can handle huge waves and navigate under stars into unknown waters.

There are entire cultures of people who live by the sea but who are too timid to even get their navels wet. The ocean seems too dangerous to swim in.

And there are now entire cultures of men who don’t even realize the value of the ocean. Who have no concept of how to USE the ocean.

And then there are people who are skilled at getting their boat in and out of the docking slip and out for a spin around the bay. Those are called PUAs. They think they know something about the ocean.

They know a bit about how boats work, but their mariner knowledge is relatively shallow. It would be fair enough to say PUAs don’t know shit about the ocean, really. Not the real ocean, outside of the nearby harbor waters.

When you are a blue water mariner you can dive deep and get a woman to swoon deep fast. The game is entirely different, and the payoffs are entirely different. The level of life satisfaction you can reach is entirely different. It’s not just the skills involved that are different; the hormones involved are different. You get the value and meaning and pleasure from oxytocin infused into your life, along with a more steady hit of dopamine and raised testosterone and so forth. Oxytocin is a life requirement. If you are not getting a lot of that, you’re doing it wrong.

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Maslow’s hiearchy of needs and manosphere group-mind

Posted by xsplat on November 28, 2013

maslow“It is quite true that man lives by bread alone — when there is no bread. But what happens to man’s desires when there is plenty of bread and when his belly is chronically filled? At once other (and higher) needs emerge and these, rather than physiological hungers, dominate the organism. And when these in turn are satisfied, again new (and still higher) needs emerge, and so on. This is what we mean when we say that the basic human needs are organized into a hierarchy of relative prepotency.”

There remains a large portion of those attracted to red-pill wisdom who are working their way through the 5 stages of grief towards acceptance of truth. Some are in the anger stage, and these guys seek out like minded men to commiserate with. The danger for them here is getting stuck in the mud.

This danger is compounded when such men together create a culture of denial regarding basic human intimacy needs.

For when they can’t even address their own intimacy needs, they can not move up Maslows ladder towards self actualization.

Then they can become a type of manboob. Manosphere-boobs who prefer to blame the bitches for being unlovable and pump and dump them rather than go through the pain of maturing their LTR and interpersonal skills. A solidarity of pity party, that is an exclusive club of fail.

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The culture of over-moderated forums

Posted by xsplat on November 28, 2013

Maigo commented: “Some people out there are weird and broken. And they teach being weird and broken as a way of life.”

I’ve come to realise that this is essentially humanity in a nutshell. All the systems, religions and beliefs we have are just a handed down insanity that not enough people question.

Hard to argue with that, actually. I said something similar to 18 recently, regarding her parents and their parents teaching how to be afraid of their own fears through believing in ghosts.

Indonesia is so child-like. Everybody here is afraid of the dark and afraid of being alone. They equate being alone with the ghosts getting them.

And yes, their entire religion seems to be similar – a bunch of superstitions passed on to vulnerable children, who never grow up to question their beliefs.

The Catholic evangelists have a saying that goes something like; “give me a child before he is older than 4 and he is mine for life”

I’ve tried to explain to people that “just because you learned it when you were four doesn’t make it true”, but the “Jeesus loves me yes I know, cause my Mommy told me so” logic seems irrefutable.

However there are systems of thought that attempt a constant self corection. The scientific method is an example. Humans are capable of teaching habits of openness, curiosity, and constant revisioning of their mental maps to align with truth and beauty.

Mentors should be happy and truthful to a fault; even at the expense of comfort of others precious sense of group cohesion.

You’ll see moderation policies that lead to a Pinterest level lack of contentiousness destroy forums over time. People prefer the comfort of pleasantries and conformist group think to expression of opposing views, as it’s inevitable that a genuine expression of dissent will appear abrasive. People even label honest dissent as “trolling”, rather than deal with it. I’ve seen this ruin more than one forum.

And the funny thing is that those who remain in an over-moderated forum are happy with it. Even as the quality declines, they are happy to be insulated from abrasive contentiousness, and don’t seem to notice the decline. Even while others who prefer a free expression of interesting thoughts have been kicked out or silenced through intimidation or moved elsewhere.

The thaivisa.com forum was famous for this, and stickman of stickmanbangkok.com pointed out how that forum was so over-moderated that it was completely useless. The moderators there had a habit of kicking out the smartest people. And yet those that remained praised the moderation.

Happy sheep. Thank goodness the rabble rousers are gone! Now we can be dull and pleasant and polite in our peaceful bubble of wilful ignorance!

And the same thing happened to the Rooshvforum. I took a look for the first time in four months yesterday and it’s not the same place it was. Its as contentious as Pinterest over there now, with the level of discourse having dropped to gif images of smileys and grapes and trolls and whatnot. Very little creative insight over there any more. Those that remain don’t seem to realize that the place is already all but dead. The life of it has been moderated out. All that is left are over-moderate people happy with over-moderation. Yes men so pleased with their straight jackets that they consider them to be fashionable. Sheep who are happy being sheep. People who value getting along above refining ideas to the point that they all agree to agree and exclude the non-believers with snark. Male feminists, in a way. Group mind as a culture of how to not-think.

For instance criticism of the moderation policy could not be openly discussed over there any more. All people would do is reflexively accuse of sour grapes and trolling. Or shut up for fear of being banned. No, there is nothing wrong with over-moderation! It’s being abrasive and not fitting in to the group-culture that can’t be tolerated!

It’s instructive to compare the forum now to about six months ago. Instructive as to what humanity in groups does to itself, in the name of group cohesion. It becomes wilfully dull. And RVF is further stamped by the moderators ill conceived and emotionally stunted views on intimacy.

A cult of dark triad people leading each other on in emotional deadness and group mind. It was also once more than that – there was much value shared there, and men acted as men do – with debate and spark and aggressive dissension.

I can’t see men acting like men there now. That’s not allowed.

And those that are left are happy with that state of affairs. Perhaps they are happiest with that. As most of humanity usually is. People like to follow and not be allowed to dissent. They call that culture.

From therationalmale:

A handful of my male readers often ask why I don’t moderate comments, or that the message of Rational Male would be better served if I banned certain commenters. I’ve mentioned on several posts and threads as to why I won’t ever do that (except for blatant spamming), but in a nutshell it’s my fundamental belief that the validity of any premise or idea should be able to withstand public debate. People who aren’t confident of the strength of their assertions or ideas, or are more concerned with profiting from the branding of those weak assertions than they are in truth, are the first to cry about the harshness of their critics and kill all dissent as well as all discourse about those assertions.

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