Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Contact

My email address is xsplat22 (at) yahoo.com .  Be sure to  substitute @ for the (at), and no spaces.  I type it this way so as to avoid the spammers harvesting my email address from the site.

33 Responses to “Contact”

  1. Mr. west said

    just found u site. wow! ken wilber! edge! with stick thrown in for balance! ha

    check out “asian muse” in stick?!

    “Work and family as top priorities are sure signs of a diseased personality.”

    really, tell us what u really think! ha. love u happiness blog! it is refreshing to see someone with a few actual facts in your back pocket.

    no, not a girl!.

    cheers

  2. billycuts said

    Really digging your site! Greets from the Nerdshit crew

  3. Hey there,

    I noticed you decided to link to my site, which I appreciate very much.

    But could you change the link to Our Technological Future please?

    The search engines like it better that way. Makes the link more valuable to me.

    Nice blog you got here. I bookmarked ya.

    Greetz,

    Jay

  4. Graham said

    Great to read you writings about your adventures around women in Southeast Asia from an enlightened viewpoint. I love travelling over there but in my first few trips I kept away from the obvious folly of the sex tourism scene.

    In my last trip I struck up a relationship with an educated Thai woman. What a trip. The Thai way is so different. Its a different world and I am still floundering around trying to work out how to deal with it. I love your description of lies in the Thai way. Face has such a priority over integrity and one has to accept that.

    Still I have to admit, that as far as sexual energy is concerned then they certainly do have bucket loads of it. I am still staggering from the passion of it.

    Graham

  5. Marquis Fleur said

    Hey G,

    Haven’t seen a blog from you in a while. I regularly check for new posts – perhaps you’re busy extracting your domestically-retracted testes?? :-) Great line in that last post – we all know the feeling!

    I was also following the “Apostate” blog for a while, but have deleted it from my bookmarks – she’s taken on an aggressive, feminista, militant man-hating slant that has little grounding in reason. Not the kind of stuff I like to fill my precious, evolving neurons with.

    Hope you’re well. Looking forward to the next blog.

  6. xsplat said

    Hi M. I have no idea why I have little creative urge lately. The brain isn’t as perky lately, not as frothy, not as greedy for fresh interconnections. Maybe my sedentary monogamous lifestyle has been catching up with me, causing testosterone levels to drop off, leaving me less impelled.

    On the other hand, occasionally a blank non-attachment is the mood while resting half asleep, and the lack of strain is soothing. On the other hand, interesting dreams still come, and I ain’t lying down to die, so I assume blogging of some sort will re-arise.

    Good to know the site gets visited occasionally other than by people googling for BDSM.

  7. Legion said

    Interesting stuff. Email sent to you.

  8. Mr. C said

    Hey there.

    What the fuck is going on over at the Citizen Renegade blog?

    Heartiste ? It’s all going downhill fast over there.

    Where the hell is Roissy?

    • xsplat said

      Ya, the articles aren’t all as high quality as in the blogs peak, but he still puts out good stuff regularly. That it was ever as good as it was was incredible, and that it remains as good as it does is still quite an achievement. One you’ll not find me replicating.

      But the worse decline over there is in the comment section.

  9. Dom said

    Xsplat, are we allowed to request topics (related to the niche, of course) for you to post about? I think I may have a good one, and your thoughts on the subject would be interesting to hear.

    • xsplat said

      Sure, that’s always welcome.

      I once took a poetry writing class, and each week we’d be given new exercises. We might have to write a poem where the first three words of each line were already given to us. Or write a poem constrained to meter and rhyme. It was surprising to learn that these limitations became the beginning of something more interesting that if we were given a blank page and told to just go ahead.

      Most of what’s on the blog here is the result of dialogue, and any new idea to riff off of is welcome.

      However I might not take up the challenge if I feel I don’t have much to say about the subject.

  10. Dom said

    What do you think is better:

    - [Guy #1] Marrying your high school sweetheart, who is a 10/10 on the looks scale, is wrapped around your finger because you took her virginity, and is also therefore statistically less likely to cheat, file divorce, or be a neurotic bitch since she has substantially less baggage due to having you as her only sex partner and serious relationship. Because of her limited awareness of (and exposure to) the objective reality that we are all just essentially animals fucking each other on this planet, she would make a great wife and mother for your kids, and would be trained by her experience to be a loyal, family-oriented woman–that still fucks you well, of course.

    or

    - [Guy #2] Not getting tied down in any relationships, having lots of casual sex with various hot women, a few mostly shallow relationships, all while focusing a large amount of your energy and time on achieving success in business/science/politics/whatever it is you do. Then, once you hit your 30s or 40s, you realize the opportunity to snag a sexy 16-year-old is over, as you are no longer 16 yourself, and that you may never find a girl so pure again (pure in comparison to other females; pure by contrast–not actual “angel”-type pureness or anything fantasy-esque). The girls you get now are great, but the innocence can never be regained, and that was a sacrifice you unknowingly made when you chose this route of personal greatness in your chosen field, and of course, the experience of a multi-decade sex spree.

    At first glance, guy #1 might look like the beta king, but Heartiste made a post the other week about a LTR with a 10 being infinitely more alpha than banging a dozen 9s, one hundred 7s, one thousand 5s, or whatever else. I can’t remember the exact numbers, and they’re really nothing more than an arbitrary opinion anyway, but it’s the premise that counts–and makes sense. Then I read a post somewhere–I can’t really remember where; maybe it was on this blog–that stated how an extreme emotional attachment with your sex partner brings game to a whole new level, and completely blows casual sex game out of the water. Once again, yes, that’s just another opinion, but it’s one that I respect, and I think it has fair logic behind it.

    So considering everything stated above, guy #1 basically has it all made. He skipped all the bullshit and went straight for the jugular. But at closer look, as a human that subscribes to human nature, he will most likely catch himself thinking, “I’ve only been with her; she’s only been with me. I am missing out on life. I need to experience more.” This also makes sense, because despite having an arguably enviable situation, his lack of experience doesn’t allow him to realize it, and he becomes unsatisfied with his life.

    Guy #2 fucks around and handles business, and then later on his life, he realizes that the unicorns have left the stable–and they won’t be coming back. Yes, it’s great to fly to Miami on the weekend and bang a couple of hot chicks after partying it up on Friday and Saturday, but when the fun is over, the emptiness inevitably sets back in, and he is forced to reflect on the opportunities he deemed unimportant when they were available to him. The women he has relationships with are still sexy and high-quality, but the innocence and ironclad loyalty values don’t exist anymore.

    Overall, each situation has its own pros and cons, like anything else.

    It seems that Guy #1 envies Guy #2, and ironically, Guy #2 envies Guy #1. And while these guys are fake, I think they represent a huge number of people out there, especially in the readership of manosphere blogs.

    What are your thoughts on this? I’ve concluded that no matter where someone is in the sexual marketplace, the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome will come into play and mind-fuck you.

    Sorry if this post lacks some coherence; it’s late and I need sleep. But hopefully this makes sense, and it would be interesting to hear your opinion on it.

    • xsplat said

      Men have different sexual strategies that largely correlate with their socio-sexual score. While women tend to be more interested in long term relationship stability than men, some men have a lower socio-sexual score than does the average woman, meaning they are more interested in stability and commitment than the average woman. These men have the K type sexual strategy of long term investment into a few children.

      Other men have higher socio-sexual scores, and it’s been studied that while they have sex with women of all s.s. scores, they fuck most with women who also have high s.s. scores. While most men prefer to fuck the slut and marry the good girl, there do exist many men with high s.s scores who are happy to have medium term or even long term relationships with women who also have a high s.s. score.

      So which is better? The hot virgin or the rotation of sluts? Which lifestyle is more fulfilling? The one with stability and strong long term bonds, or the less stable but more adventurous one?

      Better for whom? Men have predispositions. Some of us could never be happy with one pussy for life, and prefer lust based romances. Others don’t feel much urge for variety and want a companionate relationship.

      There is no one size fits all shoe.

      However for myself I’ve found a good middle ground. I have medium term serial monogamy relationships, lasting from 6 months to 2.5 years, and I intersperse in there some periods of parallel monogamy, with shorter to medium term relationships. I still fall in love, bond, and have deep and meaningful connections, plus I get periods of adventure, and some variety over time. I’m very careful about not losing my ability to bond; I don’t fuck prostitutes and even stay away from disco chicks. If the girl can’t bond, much of the fun is gone. Of course I’ve had one night stands and fuck buddies, and that’s all good. I still prefer at least a little bit of romance with my sex.

      Now, about marrying a high school sweetheart who is a virgin 10. The only thing I have to say about that is that all girls are virgins at some point. Girls who marry young are actually a higher divorce risk than girls who marry later, even though girls who marry later have a higher partner count. What skews the data on virgins being less of a divorce risk is that nowadays being a virgin is very unusual, and has causal factors that include genetics and upbringing. Either the girl is very religious, or timid, or has a low libido, or a combination. Without these causes and conditions there is no incentive to refrain from such a strong basic socially sanctioned urge. So a girl who has a normal or a strong libido who is not strict about religion who marries young as a virgin will bond strongly with you, but like everyone else, after those bonds wear off in two or four years, she’ll take stock of her situation and re-consider her options. If you are still a great option, you might continue. But marriage doesn’t take her out of the marketplace, and marrying her as a virgin does not create a bond that won’t degrade with time.

      I don’t think virgins are particularly special, myself. I took the virginity from the girl I’m living with now. We’ve been together for almost two years, and the points she gains from me having been her first don’t add up to much. She still has all the flaws that women have. All of them. She is no less neurotic than other women, and she is just as subject to hypergamy as any girl. Now, there were reasons she was a virgin at 21, and those reasons make her less likely to cheat for the thrill of sex, but she is still a woman doing her job as a woman, and to do it well means being hypergamous. She will keep options open and even tentatively pursue those options while in a relationship, to set up backup plans or even to jump ship. That’s what women do – even virgins. The sins of womenhood don’t come from fucking – they are innate.

      On the other hand a few years ago I lived for the happiest 11 months of my life with a young woman who had been a total slut. She bonded to me more than anyone ever has. I owned her completely, and she was my devoted love slave. I can give example after example of her daily devotions. She’d give me a blowjob in nearly every taxi cab ride we took, and as I didn’t have a car we’d take a taxi regularly. She’d take my shoes off as I entered the door, tell me that she missed me after coming home from grocery shopping, come like a fountain for as long as I could fuck her, staring up in my eyes with love and joy, tell me she loved me twenty times a day, cut my toenails, carefully prepare each meal, and on and on. No shit tests, no drama. She even tried to help me setup threesomes. Overall far less neurotic and much more bonded and loving and devoted than my current virgin girl.

      I’m not saying that there is no correlation between a woman’s partner count and her bonding ability. But if you are the most alpha man she’s been with who also pushes her nest building romantic buttons more than anyone shes been romantic with, then for all intents and purposes you are her first man. You can even be better than her first man, as you will appear to be a superman to a woman who knows what most men are like.

      The issue about men losing their ability to bond is crucial. I always advocate for men not to do that. Be careful with your sex, and feel love when you fuck, at least most of the time. Sex is a habit in your body, and bad habits make you less able to have good sex.

      I’ll leave it here. I really should get some work done.

  11. Dom said

    Xsplat, do you remember the website nomarriage.com before it became a commercial affiliate marketing hub?

    • xsplat said

      It rings a bell. Some guy from either that or a site with the same theme contacted me on this blog a few years ago. Why do you ask?

  12. Dom said

    I was wondering if you’ve read the no-marriage ebook, which I don’t think is for sale anymore. It was on the website before it turned into super commercial sales funnel.

    • xsplat said

      Haven’t read it. Strange thing is, I haven’t read in full any manosphere or PUA related books, even though many are informative and entertaining. I guess I’m mostly interested in the dialogue, and so stick to reading and responding to blog and forum posts.

  13. der said

    Do you do coaching? Just entering new relationship and could use guidance on making her a love slave ;)

    • xsplat said

      I ramble on with advice all the time on the blog, but for some reason giving one to one personal advice is intimidating. I don’t like the implied responsibility. But if you can come up with interesting questions I can share my perspectives and experiences here on the blog, for whatever they are worth.

  14. Dom said

    Xsplat, have you heard the quote that goes something like, “Marriage is for men who have failed in business”? Can’t remember who said it, but I have a question on the subject and your opinion would be interesting to hear.

    I remember reading or hearing about a study being done (pretty sure it was either on Roissy’s blog or Tom Leykis’s radio show) where the researchers asked a bunch of women if it was worth it for a poor or middle class man to get married. Every one of them said, “absolutely.”

    They were then asked if it was worth it for a rich and/or famous man to get married, and most of them answered (honestly, surprisingly) that it was NOT worth it for this particular man to get married because he has so many options. And at the very least, that if he did get married, he should do so much later in life, after he indulges in the rewards reaped by his success.

    When you think about it, it doesn’t really take a genius to realize that this makes sense. A poor guy has no options. A regular guy doesn’t have enough options. But a rich guy can do mostly whatever he wants. Right, makes sense.

    But then with this in mind, why do so many billionaires choose to get married? It seems like it’s damn near all of them. Have you noticed this? Or do you think there is something we’re missing here?

    • xsplat said

      I’ve wondered myself why men get married. Any men.

      http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/no-one-has-ever-made-a-case-for-marriage-that-moves-my-emotions/

      I love that quote “Marriage is for men who have failed in business”. I’m going to use it sometime.

      Actually, I’ve had feelings for marriage a few times. When in love at first it seems like those great feelings are going to last forever. Even older guys with some experience can get fooled by the strong emotions. I guess many of us have a predisposition to believe those powerful emotions.

      But ya, the combination of greater experience, an overarching rational view that can see through the power of immediate emotions, and abundance that knows no matter how hot or cool the girl is, there are other girls who will interest us and be available ought to keep a man indefinitely “postponing” marriage. At least a man with a high socio-sexual score who doesn’t want kids. Or at least if the woman in question is the jealous type at all.

      I’ve been able to have some dating success in SEA while broke, partly helped I’m sure by being the local white guy, but I’m sure my dating pool could have been even larger at the time with more resources. And now even though I’m ten years older and really pushing the limit for dating younger girls, if anything my prospects are at least as good for the future, because of the business improvement.

      Girls in the west have men hoodwinked. Men actually believe all this equality nonsense; that men and women are the same except for their shape. Even when some women admit that they’d never date a man who earned less than them, men just don’t WANT to believe how closely tied together money and love can be. Or at best they’ll assume money is a consideration for women, but only a practical one. For women, emotions are what does the practical consideration.

      • Dom said

        Ah, yes, I remember reading that post.

        I think that billionaires and average hoes might actually both get married for a similar reason: fear.

        Where the average joe fears that his already limited options will become even worse in future, the billionaire fears the negative publicity that comes with “playing the field” while holding such a high power, high responsibility position in society. I’m sure there are other reasons, of course, but if I had to guess I’d probably say those are the main ones.

  15. Dom said

    lol, average joes*

  16. Dom said

    Yo xsplat, what are your thoughts on this?

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2190863/Semen-good-womens-health-helps-fight-depression.html

  17. fast lane said

    Hi xsplat,

    Many thanks for your writings – it was a breath of fresh air that I didn’t realize I was missing. I took the red pill but was having overdose symptoms (too much Heartiste and pump-and-dump proponents in my blogroll). Since going through most of your archives and taking notes (mental and otherwise), I’ve been in an LTR with a great girl for a few months, and she was taken aback when I did a full turn from aloof to open and romantic – like I used to be in my blue-pill days, albeit more aware of power dynamics. A change for the better. I haven’t had an intense relationship in two or three years, when I discovered game as a solution to being cheated on. My girl is already relatively submissive and domestic, at least when she’s not overloaded by school, but I would like to make her even more so per your ways. She’s two years younger and still in school, I’m just getting established in my career, and she’s arguably my top quality pull / definitely top three, although she doesn’t need to know that. I do try to keep her aware that should things go bad, I could have quantity, even if not the same quality.

    Here’s a generalizable question that I’d love to see an answer to in an upcoming blog post, perhaps. How could one create a daddy dynamic similar to yours without a large difference in age or in value, money, etc. that would draw a girl into one’s orbit – particularly a dynamic that persists outside of the bedroom? Also, can you expand on how to keep a balance between the soft, romantic beta and the dominant, “my way or the highway” alpha?

    Also, any advice for us youngsters getting started? How did you learn about game, chip away on your approach anxiety, etc? Lots of online game? I realize the need to balance anonymity, but a bit of background would be interesting to read about.

    Great stuff. Keep it coming. I’ve got twentyish years until I’m your age, and you’re giving me great goals to work towards.

    • fast lane said

      Above all, I think most of your readers would love to see an Action Plan to Making A Woman Into Your Woman – perhaps of a format like “first, do Auntil you get X reaction.in response, maybe regularly. Then do B until Y…”

      • xsplat said

        It might be more fruitful to think instead in terms of firing on all 8 cylinders. The blog is full of tips for various aspects of the car and engine. You want to optimize all of it, as they all depend on each other.

  18. ahash31 said

    XSPLAT! We have many shared interests, I’ve been following your blog for a while now, it’s helped me remember many things about Qi gong, and “the look”, and fucking deeply with love. To further your piano development. Check out “Dave Frank” on youtube for all his master classes on improvisation. You’ll REALLY dig him. He does private skype lessons as well, I took them for a few years and saw massive improvement

  19. t said

    X, I was wondering whether you knew of any business directories in Indonesia and other SEA countries that you have been to. Something like the yellow pages but for those countries. Online would be preferable as I want to use email. I basically broker import/export deals and want to get in touch with those markets. I know of alibaba and those types of sites, but am looking for something like yellow pages, manta, or thomas registry.

    same t, different email

  20. anonymous said

    xsplat,
    Just sent an email to your yahoo account, which may take up to 12 hours to arrive. Not sure what name it will have, but you’ll recognize the subject line.

    • xsplat said

      Replied, and I’ll say again here all your contributions have been well appreciated. By me and I’m sure also by others.

      Oh, I see my reply won’t get through to your anonymized email. It seems I’ve somehow given a wrong impression about following up on one of your comments; I thought it was worthy to bring other peoples attention to, and then followed along on the train of thought your good comment brought up.

      Hope to keep seeing you around here, and thanks so much for your good efforts.

  21. Dave said

    Xsplat, off topic but I just saw a movie called Java Heat show up.

    Did Mickey Rourke’s character steal your persona? Insane how coincidental the personalities were.

  22. stap said

    Hey man, saw you arguing with ‘icycalm’. I’ve seen him around before.

    Icycalm is guy who committed fraud and stole money from innocent people in America and had to flee the country. He can’t return because they’ll send him to prison He’s a real piece of shit and you should ignore anything he has to say.

    His real name is Antony Zyrmpas or Anthony Zirbas.

    icycalmisacriminal.wordpress.com

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