Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Maslow suggests that you should aim higher than pump and dump

Posted by xsplat on February 21, 2014

maslow

Lingerie said: The manosphere deals in the currency of primal motivations (a heady space); coincidentally, the very motivations most likely to get someone to click on “purchase.” One will find products vehemently defended, even when the logic of those defenses is sorely lacking, at best; sloppy, at worst. More than one venture has made a handsome living off manipulating and faux framing those emotions through their ad copy lies and string-along programming (upsells).

Anger is a core visceral emotion that is very useful for marketing (as is sex). Its invocation is difficult to argue against, but also very difficult to respect, for those in the know. If one is to expend one’s precious energy being angry, the key is to direct that energy into the proper channel that might produce constructive results in one’s own life. That requires the elbow grease of independent research. Females exist for your pleasure, not your anger. Oasis, and all that.

Heads up ball, gentlemen. Exercise discernment.

So you are implying that invoking the feelings of unhappiness in others and creating and coalescing an in-group based upon their unhappy anger is a good way to sell e-books?

In-group thinking is a trait of the human mind. Many of our thoughts are not rational, but chosen politically – we agree with our in group and those with social power around us.

That can also be dangerous. Fitting in to a power structure can be even more dangerous than stepping outside the box and doing a double take.

Yes, anger has been used as a way to rally a community and then coincidentally pump up interest in selling instructional ebooks on how to ignore and avoid fundamental human qualities, such as love and intimacy.

The most practical and concise piece of wisdom that I know is the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve read people online who disagree with this wisdom. Outright disagree with it.

People often want to piss and moan about things outside of their control. Complain about the weather of feminism, or complain about in-equal sexual distribution, or about those dammed crack dealing thug guitar players or about western women or whatever. And then gather in a circle of complain and call that community.

At least that’s part of what happens. There is also a lot of self growth and discovery and encouraging each other on towards expanding out into the world of possibilities.

But it’s tainted. It’s still often largely communities encouraging each other to expand out into a twisted and limited way to relate to women. A way completely out of touch with their own intimacy requirements.

It’s very often communities of broken men fostering brokenness and creating brokenness where there was none.

Dark triad traits to be emulated as a lifestyle CHOICE?! To become a more happy and fullfilled MAN?

A Dark triad man is not a complete man. Yes, if you are blind you’ll have enhanced hearing. Is that any reason to blind yourself? Yes, if you lean towards sociopathy you’ll free up some restrictions to effective manipulation. Is that any reason to become anhedonic?

A man loves.

Dark triad means you didn’t fix yourself yet. It means you are running on two out of eight cylinders. Nothing to brag about, or promote, or emulate. It is disastrous how communities have been shepherded towards a poisonous pessimism by harnessing their emotions of anger.

A large swath of the manosphere is a cult of anti-intimacy, composed of followers in want of direction who have been goaded on by authors with intimacy avoidance issues into believing that there is no Maslows hierarcy of needs and that all they have to do is pump and dump the bitches.

“Society is broken and is giving away pussy to the wrong men! I’ll show those bitches. I’ll pump and dump em. So there!”

Ya, how about doing the work that is orders of magnitude more difficult. Become a loving man that women love and enjoy life as a full human to the fullest of your capacity.

Another comment from Lingerie:

“Ya, how about doing the work that is orders of magnitude more difficult. Become a loving man that women love and enjoy life as a full human to the fullest of your capacity.”

This sounds reasonable, and healthy, though no writer of ad copy would ever allow it, because of this right here: “doing the work.” Just not as salable as “get laid today,” or “screw the bitches.” One approach sells, one doesn’t, and that’s the human condition. But I feel for men in the manosphere and hope to elevate the entire discussion above such base instincts—I’m fully aware that it will never happen, but I inject my part as a solitary vote toward something better for all men in the manosphere.

Here’s the manosphere proprietorship in a spectrum quip (though it’s thankfully changing), not the readership, but the proprietors: hate women pump and dump women. That is so fucked up on so many levels that it’s really beyond words. But I get it. I totally get it. A shit ton of males have been fucked over royally by the feminine imperative. An equally shit ton of males have never known what it feels like to be truly loved by a female. I understand the need for males from both ends of that spectrum to have a voice out there that can coherently represent their thoughts and feelings.

BUT, the proprietors who provide that service, in my humble opinion, should also be nudging those damaged souls toward a final solution that involves LOVE as a core component, rather than stringing them along via their visceral emotions. My definition of “love” is not a romantic or visceral emotion. It is a highly cultivated sense of one’s place in the universe. This cultivation is not being suggested by manosphere proprietors to the souls of their readership, who are aching for it.

Sell an ebook, I don’t give a shit. But don’t hold your audience in a place that is ultimately unhealthy for them in order to defend your ideological niche—stop the gaslighting. Offer them a way out, or refer them to others who will. But that’s not how business works, “lifetime value” and all that.

This is such a huge spiritual issue among the voluminous damaged and injured men in the world, that it’s time to place their spiritual healing above defending one’s frame or “being right” in every argument.

This goes to every single proprietor in the manosphere: Help your readers heal, and help move them along to the next hopefully healthy phase of their life. This should be your goal—to move them along. In every post that you make that correctly identifies the problem, offer your readers a suggestion or two of how to move past that problem, rather than building a community around your brand that merely perpetuates commiseration over said problem. I know that that absolutely runs counter to “business” principles, but fuck all, what kind of world do you want to live in?
And if you don’t know because you haven’t researched the deeper issues, then have the humility to say, “I don’t know, I haven’t researched the deeper issues. What do you guys think?”, rather than perpetually faux framing your dominance over your readership, as if they were females. Please. We see right through you.

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8 Responses to “Maslow suggests that you should aim higher than pump and dump”

  1. […] Lingerie said: The manosphere deals in the currency of primal motivations (a heady space); coincidentally, the very motivations most likely to get someone to click on “purchase.” One will find products vehemently defended, even when the logic of…  […]

  2. Jamie said

    Where are her comments from?

  3. Irrelavant said

    Xsplat,

    I’d like to broach a topic on your site, if I may. While I don’t agree with everything you express, I agree with a lot of it—enough to have been life changing for me. And this is something that I think everyone in the manosphere grapples with, individually: morality.

    I will cut through all of my own individual lessons that have led me to the following beliefs about morality, and get right to the chase.

    There seems to be a spectrum of guys in the manosphere that falls roughly like this: moral —– not concerned with morality. I understand both sides, and could easily take on either position in an argument, gun to my head. However, based on my own personal education, seeking, and growth, I don’t live my life by either perspective. Morality is something that I have worked out for myself. So, while I’m definitely NOT anti-moral, I’m also definitely NOT one for tossing morals into the bin.

    To be concise, I believe morality to be an unspoken agreement between human beings about how they will function with one another within the bounds of social relations. Roissy (in his golden years), for example, has done a fantastic job of exposing how that hierarchy operates, for which, I think it’s fair to say, that we are all indebted.

    That unspoken agreement of morality is generally stable, given stable times. But when all hell breaks loose, that unspoken agreement quickly shifts to an agreement that is purely about survival (which is readily discernible to anyone who has read the accounts of someone who has actually lived through warfare), rather than doing well by one’s neighbor, and vice versa, hence the manosphere.

    I suppose that my point is to suggest to both sides of that moral spectrum that we are, in fact, as men in the manosphere, closer together than one might at first assume to be the case. One side is longing for a morality that is being purposely disintegrated before our very eyes, while the other is taking the approach of “fuck morality, it’s a human construct.” Like I stated, I get both sides. But I think that somewhere from amidst this whole manosphere mileu, we can come together to arrive at this: “Okay, I think we can agree that the morality of our current existence isn’t working. You think one way, I think another. Together, let’s come up with something that will work.”

    And I’m not talking compromise, I’m talking function—what will work. I know there will be those who hold the position that what worked in the past should also work today. I don’t disagree with them. But is it working? We have an entire generation of males who have been so utterly destroyed by anti-moral forces, that it seems to me to be good strategy to bring them back into the camp, before they destroy themselves (and our legacy) on a worthless “quest” of their own.

    X, I strongly suspect that you don’t concur with what I’ve written, but do you at least concur with the higher levels of the postulate?

    I love the manosphere, even when I disagree with it. These are the thoughts that occupy my mind.

    Peace, all.

    • xsplat said

      I’ve written about morality before. http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/morality-is-nothing-but-social-manipulation/

      The buck always stops. Somewhere. Whatever is good is good for SOMEONE. The way nature and physics and reality is set up is that we compete for resources, and that there is not and can not be a common good.

      Wherever you have socialist endeavors where the public good is considered, it always steps on the toes of individuals. And the reverse. Wherever individuals benefit others are relatively disadvantaged. It is impossible to develop a system that is not adversarial. Adversity is built into the fabric of reality.

      Even when researchers look into morality, they find that the brain is set up to make seemingly non-sensical judgments, and we are unable to make truly rational moral decisions. Kill one man to save two? Rape and torture an innocent child to prevent a cholera outbreak?

      I identify neither as a socialist nor capitalist. Both are just two sides of the same coin – they are the same thing, fundamentally. Self organizing self perpetuating power structures.

      The common good or the individual good – no matter where you look the buck has to stop. Somewhere. It stops in the end with individuals life satisfaction.

      So THAT is morality. Increasing individual life satisfaction.

      Moralists often want to reduce life satisfaction in the name of the common good, in which case they are anti-moral. They forget the origin of morality, which is where the buck stops. In individual life satisfaction.

      Yes, to maximize life satisfaction as normal non-sociopathic humans we need to feel that we are part of something larger and give and receive from a group. We need to partner in cooperations in order to economically compete. We need a mix of individuality and cooperation.

      And in the end, the buck stops. Individually. And in the end there is no hope of ever finding a way out of the fact of competition for resources. It is fundamentally dog eat dog, and we cooperate in that fight. And then there is the whole issue of motivation, which is fundamental to all economic activity. When we try to maximize cooperation we run up against minimizing motivation.

      Those with a genetically relatively heightened sense of disgust FEEL morality as a free floating empirically existing platonic thing. A law of nature. Their sense of disgust tells them that some things are just wrong, regardless of outcome. Things aren’t right or wrong because they have certain causes and effects, some things are just wrong because they are wrong because they are wrong. The heightened sense of disgust hijacks all the mental wiring and overwhelms all reason and all that is known is that that they KNOW. That sense of knowing requires no reason or introspection to them, and is beyond reason or introspection as it shuts that down. It highjacks all of the brain and screams out WRONG!

      But that’s just biological instinct. That’s not ethics.

      So I’m a pragmatist and understand that our human wiring is set up such that if you want to maximize happiness you have to increase oxytocin, which requires giving to others and being part of a group, and cooperating. Also in many of my posts I show the practical value of thinking coherently and minimizing lying to oneself as a short term effort to increase self esteem or avoid anxiety. And to help that being honest with others is very important. And so honest cooperative dealings increases personal and group happiness, and the buck stops.

  4. Irrelavant said

    Rare, but look here, you have put into words something that has been brewing in my brain for several years now: “It is impossible to develop a system that is not adversarial. Adversity is built into the fabric of reality.”

    This is exactly why I have always had a sneaking suspicion about capitalism. Not against it, definitely not for socialisim or communism or fascism. But as a Westerner who grew up indoctrinated in the propaganda stew of capitalism, it never jibed with me. Why should the guys with the money control policy? That never made any sense to me, and still doesn’t. Yes, for sure, give those guys their due, but don’t grant them disproportionate power over the populace. You made a ton of money? Great, good for you, but keep up, because the rest of us don’t give a flying fuck what you did yesterday. We care about what you are doing today, which we sincerely hope isn’t selling the rest of us down the river.

    You wildly exceeded my expectations with this comment. Thanks.

    • xsplat said

      It is easy to be fooled into thinking that democratic opinion has a hand on the lever of power.

      Yes, power is not just. Our options are only to accrue it or not.

  5. […] Bogata przeszłość seksualna kobiety zgodnie z popularną opinią ma wpływ na to jak dana kobieta będzie przywiązana do mężczyzny i to jak wierną będzie żoną. W końcu skoro zrywała ze swoimi chłopakami kilka/kilkanaście/kilkadziesiąt razy, to inaczej będzie na to patrzeć niż dziewczyna, która tego nigdy nie robiła/robiła bardzo mało razy).  Mądrzejsi ode mnie zalecają np. facetom unikanie prostytutek czy szybkich kobiet z klubów, bo mężczyzna może zatra…. […]

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