Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life

Posted by xsplat on November 29, 2013

blue-water-marinerAvd said:

“Manosphere-boobs who prefer to blame the bitches for being unlovable and pump and dump them rather than go through the pain of maturing their LTR and interpersonal skills.”

This is something NEVER addressed in the MS, presumably because it’s deemed bad for sales/traffic. (There are some heavy hitting motherfuckers out there who preach otherwise, and they’re right, in my personal experience.) What a great disservice to the various communities of males seeking to improve their lives regarding inter-sex relations. Internalizing the belief that females are bitches (in a negative rather than fun way) and that pumping and dumping is the way to deal with them, changes one’s OWN internal wiring in a way that the vast majority of males will not be happy with for long-term purposes in their OWN lives. Then they’ll be faced with having to work themselves out of that mindset (once they’ve gotten good at it!) in order to move toward more healthy and fulfilling relations with others. An unnecessary self-imposed hurdle along one’s path. In fact, the quickest way to solid inter-sex relations is to LOVE what you want, NOT despise it. (With healthy boundaries, of course.)

The dark triad stuff works in the short term, but it will blow back on you in the long term. And after all, you ARE implementing a long term strategy for YOUR life, right? Think of the dark triad stuff as a way to radically shift unproductive mind-sets in the short term, to learn to define your boundaries, but not as a long-term tactic for your OWN personal wellbeing. Do YOU like spending time with people who treat YOU with dark triad techniques, female or male? This applies not exclusively to LTRs, either, but also to Rs, in general. Short term flings can be totally healthy, no need to treat another human like shit to enjoy sharing a bit of your life with them.

For the vast majority of males, the damage inflicted on others and upon ONESELF by acting on the world from a spiteful mindset will have to be addressed at some point, because they will never be content with the resulting life they create for themselves from a spiteful stance. Far easier to understand the uncomfortable truth going into the fire, to be aware of it, stare it down as it arises, iteratively deal with it, and make adjustments in real time, rather than constructing an unhealthy internal edifice (and external consequences) that will have to be deconstructed in one’s future.

To the newer readers, you might consider going into all of this with your eyes open to the harsh realities revealed by the MS and the courage to deal with your OWN shit as it arises during your own personal process of change, rather than unfairly putting it onto others, and rather than putting your OWN internal work off for later. Good chance this will accelerate your own growth by avoiding altogether a bog that many in the MS have clearly sunk into. Also, don’t think for one second that every proprietor in the MS is past this stage themselves—just not the case—kind of sobering when one considers the quantity of males being influenced by these proprietors. You might consider thinking of it as avoiding the accumulation of “personal growth” debt that you’d rather not have to work off in your future.

Alternatively, go through it, if that’s your path. Either way, just move forward and do your best to avoid the traps.

The human is wired to give itself the most exquisite sugar rush of all: the rush of empathetic socio-sexual communion. A lovers glance, touch, gestures, food, care, blowjobs, sex and even silent accompaniment can each fill a man with sublime pleasure.

It is not just women who have sexuality enhanced through emotions. Sex with a hottie that you are into will arouse much more intense feelings than sex with someone who doesn’t turn you on. Men can be turned on emotionally. We are built for it.

And yet we can also lose touch with that ability. Use it or lose it. Many men have only been in love a small handful of times.

And men don’t learn how to deal with love in a way that they maintain any sense of finesse. The get lost in the tumult, and overwhelmed, to the point that they crash their boat on painful rocks and become broken. And after scrambling to shore, some manage to get to back out to sea, but it’s the rare man who becomes a hearty and skilful blue water seafarer.

The ocean is rich. We are built for this.

But you have to earn your sea legs. The most skilled mariners can handle huge waves and navigate under stars into unknown waters.

There are entire cultures of people who live by the sea but who are too timid to even get their navels wet. The ocean seems too dangerous to swim in.

And there are now entire cultures of men who don’t even realize the value of the ocean. Who have no concept of how to USE the ocean.

And then there are people who are skilled at getting their boat in and out of the docking slip and out for a spin around the bay. Those are called PUAs. They think they know something about the ocean.

They know a bit about how boats work, but their mariner knowledge is relatively shallow. It would be fair enough to say PUAs don’t know shit about the ocean, really. Not the real ocean, outside of the nearby harbor waters.

When you are a blue water mariner you can dive deep and get a woman to swoon deep fast. The game is entirely different, and the payoffs are entirely different. The level of life satisfaction you can reach is entirely different. It’s not just the skills involved that are different; the hormones involved are different. You get the value and meaning and pleasure from oxytocin infused into your life, along with a more steady hit of dopamine and raised testosterone and so forth. Oxytocin is a life requirement. If you are not getting a lot of that, you’re doing it wrong.

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10 Responses to “Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life”

  1. personally, i’ve ALWAYS to men to focus on improving themselves before worrying about impressing women. women should be the appetizer of a mans life, not the entre’.

    • xsplat said

      One way to improve is to be emotionally capable. The problem lots of guys have run into, which I don’t see being addressed, is that they lack boundaries and backbone and experience with the ways of manipulative women, and so their romantic emotions leave them vulnerable to being tooled.

      They then discover the dark triad quick boost method of gaining hand, and come to assume that emotions where their problem all along.

      Which really fucks up their life, and cuts off all possibility of any further deep development.

      Emotions were never a problem. It’s not being able to use them that is a problem.

      Emotions are a valuable tool, but people see them as too dangerous to mess with.

      Growth as a man means being emotionally capable. Only then can he work towards maximizing his happiness and his seductive prowess.

  2. […] Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life « Random Xpat Rantings […]

  3. […] And men don’t learn how to deal with love in a way that they maintain any sense of finesse. The ge… […]

  4. Like a G-6 said

    The costs of seafaring are higher than any benefit I perceive.

    If western law wasn’t so shitty on families this would be a different case, but as it is I have zero dating intention until AT LEAST I am independently wealthy enough to support at least two private luxury properties, a fair-sized boat, and more than enough cryptocoins to abscond with if she goes nuclear.

    The hunt is neither fun nor amusing to me, but seems like high effort for high payoffs with high, permanent risks.

    • xsplat said

      So you are saying something like this: http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/live-outside-the-system-or-the-system-will-eat-you-alive/

      I agree that being out of reach of vindictive women enables a man to love and leave at his discretion, and I agree that giving women too much legal power has given them legal possession of slaves.

      You’re right to limit your risk.

      However personally I chose to plan for and attain mutual affection. It can be done.

      You don’t have to marry, for one thing. I never marry and don’t plan on ever marrying. And I’m pretty sure that common law marriage can be avoided if you want to.

      High effort, high payoffs, and high permanent risks? I do agree that women tend to go insane when spurned. But if you are not married to them and can travel and set things up such that they are (much) better off not harming you than harming you then you can retain romantic flexibility while limiting risk.

      • Like a G-6 said

        The high risk is child[ren] and common law marriage, and only high risk if my worth is too low to escape the legal nuclear shockwave. Children can be obtained via Indian surrogacy and escorts/friends for the rest.

      • xsplat said

        Oh, you want children?

        I usually don’t want them, but I’m starting to toy with the idea, under the condition that I can afford to have other people such as the mothers and their nannies and private schools deal with them most of the time and the setup would be non-monogamous and my time would be my own.

        The family man one man, one wife, nuclear family thing doesn’t appeal to me.

        Ya, children bring in the law, at least for wage or on-the-grid earners in Western countries. Doesn’t sound like a good risk-reward situation to me either. And from what I hear quality of life tends to decline for the parents after having kids. I’m guessing it might increase if the man was very wealthy and kept his power and free time and sexual freedom and life intact. So we’re on the same page there, it seems, in terms of requiring lots of safe money before risking kids.

      • Like a G-6 said

        Two things:

        I) Your July 2012 article is golden. Nice dodge on those eleven gift-boxen! I am interested in knowing more about this. I am torso-high in my research of various forms of crypto-anarchy and I find information security fascinating!

        II) I’m an assburger (undiagnosed, AQ ~36 ±1) and find social interaction taxing (though not unbearable). Many people are energized in such situations while others are taxed. I am one such individual.

  5. Kobay said

    Thanks for a great post. It channels some of my own thoughts recently. A lot of advice served up on some of the more popular blogs is just toxic.. Many of the solid advice exists in the archives of these blogs, having been said long ago. But now with nothing left to say they regurgitate the populist, responsibility evading lines about how women are bad, all of em. I find it helps to keep my principles high and my expectations low when it comes to girls while realising that the direction of the relationship is up to me – women more or less latch onto a man in relationships, so where you headed?
    And some dudes need to allow themselves to be vulnerable. The more fulfilling relationships I’ve had required me to be vulnerable on some level (by ‘game’ standards).As I write this as a hottie lies beside me because I had no problem sending out that second txt, dealing with her initial feigned disinterest and just all out pursuing what I wanted.

    Game is simply a heuristic, take from it just as much as you need.

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