Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life

Posted by xsplat on November 29, 2013

blue-water-marinerAvd said:

“Manosphere-boobs who prefer to blame the bitches for being unlovable and pump and dump them rather than go through the pain of maturing their LTR and interpersonal skills.”

This is something NEVER addressed in the MS, presumably because it’s deemed bad for sales/traffic. (There are some heavy hitting motherfuckers out there who preach otherwise, and they’re right, in my personal experience.) What a great disservice to the various communities of males seeking to improve their lives regarding inter-sex relations. Internalizing the belief that females are bitches (in a negative rather than fun way) and that pumping and dumping is the way to deal with them, changes one’s OWN internal wiring in a way that the vast majority of males will not be happy with for long-term purposes in their OWN lives. Then they’ll be faced with having to work themselves out of that mindset (once they’ve gotten good at it!) in order to move toward more healthy and fulfilling relations with others. An unnecessary self-imposed hurdle along one’s path. In fact, the quickest way to solid inter-sex relations is to LOVE what you want, NOT despise it. (With healthy boundaries, of course.)

The dark triad stuff works in the short term, but it will blow back on you in the long term. And after all, you ARE implementing a long term strategy for YOUR life, right? Think of the dark triad stuff as a way to radically shift unproductive mind-sets in the short term, to learn to define your boundaries, but not as a long-term tactic for your OWN personal wellbeing. Do YOU like spending time with people who treat YOU with dark triad techniques, female or male? This applies not exclusively to LTRs, either, but also to Rs, in general. Short term flings can be totally healthy, no need to treat another human like shit to enjoy sharing a bit of your life with them.

For the vast majority of males, the damage inflicted on others and upon ONESELF by acting on the world from a spiteful mindset will have to be addressed at some point, because they will never be content with the resulting life they create for themselves from a spiteful stance. Far easier to understand the uncomfortable truth going into the fire, to be aware of it, stare it down as it arises, iteratively deal with it, and make adjustments in real time, rather than constructing an unhealthy internal edifice (and external consequences) that will have to be deconstructed in one’s future.

To the newer readers, you might consider going into all of this with your eyes open to the harsh realities revealed by the MS and the courage to deal with your OWN shit as it arises during your own personal process of change, rather than unfairly putting it onto others, and rather than putting your OWN internal work off for later. Good chance this will accelerate your own growth by avoiding altogether a bog that many in the MS have clearly sunk into. Also, don’t think for one second that every proprietor in the MS is past this stage themselves—just not the case—kind of sobering when one considers the quantity of males being influenced by these proprietors. You might consider thinking of it as avoiding the accumulation of “personal growth” debt that you’d rather not have to work off in your future.

Alternatively, go through it, if that’s your path. Either way, just move forward and do your best to avoid the traps.

The human is wired to give itself the most exquisite sugar rush of all: the rush of empathetic socio-sexual communion. A lovers glance, touch, gestures, food, care, blowjobs, sex and even silent accompaniment can each fill a man with sublime pleasure.

It is not just women who have sexuality enhanced through emotions. Sex with a hottie that you are into will arouse much more intense feelings than sex with someone who doesn’t turn you on. Men can be turned on emotionally. We are built for it.

And yet we can also lose touch with that ability. Use it or lose it. Many men have only been in love a small handful of times.

And men don’t learn how to deal with love in a way that they maintain any sense of finesse. The get lost in the tumult, and overwhelmed, to the point that they crash their boat on painful rocks and become broken. And after scrambling to shore, some manage to get to back out to sea, but it’s the rare man who becomes a hearty and skilful blue water seafarer.

The ocean is rich. We are built for this.

But you have to earn your sea legs. The most skilled mariners can handle huge waves and navigate under stars into unknown waters.

There are entire cultures of people who live by the sea but who are too timid to even get their navels wet. The ocean seems too dangerous to swim in.

And there are now entire cultures of men who don’t even realize the value of the ocean. Who have no concept of how to USE the ocean.

And then there are people who are skilled at getting their boat in and out of the docking slip and out for a spin around the bay. Those are called PUAs. They think they know something about the ocean.

They know a bit about how boats work, but their mariner knowledge is relatively shallow. It would be fair enough to say PUAs don’t know shit about the ocean, really. Not the real ocean, outside of the nearby harbor waters.

When you are a blue water mariner you can dive deep and get a woman to swoon deep fast. The game is entirely different, and the payoffs are entirely different. The level of life satisfaction you can reach is entirely different. It’s not just the skills involved that are different; the hormones involved are different. You get the value and meaning and pleasure from oxytocin infused into your life, along with a more steady hit of dopamine and raised testosterone and so forth. Oxytocin is a life requirement. If you are not getting a lot of that, you’re doing it wrong.

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11 Responses to “Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life”

  1. personally, i’ve ALWAYS to men to focus on improving themselves before worrying about impressing women. women should be the appetizer of a mans life, not the entre’.

    • xsplat said

      One way to improve is to be emotionally capable. The problem lots of guys have run into, which I don’t see being addressed, is that they lack boundaries and backbone and experience with the ways of manipulative women, and so their romantic emotions leave them vulnerable to being tooled.

      They then discover the dark triad quick boost method of gaining hand, and come to assume that emotions where their problem all along.

      Which really fucks up their life, and cuts off all possibility of any further deep development.

      Emotions were never a problem. It’s not being able to use them that is a problem.

      Emotions are a valuable tool, but people see them as too dangerous to mess with.

      Growth as a man means being emotionally capable. Only then can he work towards maximizing his happiness and his seductive prowess.

  2. […] Get your sea legs if you want real pleasure in life « Random Xpat Rantings […]

  3. […] And men don’t learn how to deal with love in a way that they maintain any sense of finesse. The ge… […]

  4. Like a G-6 said

    The costs of seafaring are higher than any benefit I perceive.

    If western law wasn’t so shitty on families this would be a different case, but as it is I have zero dating intention until AT LEAST I am independently wealthy enough to support at least two private luxury properties, a fair-sized boat, and more than enough cryptocoins to abscond with if she goes nuclear.

    The hunt is neither fun nor amusing to me, but seems like high effort for high payoffs with high, permanent risks.

    • xsplat said

      So you are saying something like this: http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2012/07/10/live-outside-the-system-or-the-system-will-eat-you-alive/

      I agree that being out of reach of vindictive women enables a man to love and leave at his discretion, and I agree that giving women too much legal power has given them legal possession of slaves.

      You’re right to limit your risk.

      However personally I chose to plan for and attain mutual affection. It can be done.

      You don’t have to marry, for one thing. I never marry and don’t plan on ever marrying. And I’m pretty sure that common law marriage can be avoided if you want to.

      High effort, high payoffs, and high permanent risks? I do agree that women tend to go insane when spurned. But if you are not married to them and can travel and set things up such that they are (much) better off not harming you than harming you then you can retain romantic flexibility while limiting risk.

      • Like a G-6 said

        The high risk is child[ren] and common law marriage, and only high risk if my worth is too low to escape the legal nuclear shockwave. Children can be obtained via Indian surrogacy and escorts/friends for the rest.

      • xsplat said

        Oh, you want children?

        I usually don’t want them, but I’m starting to toy with the idea, under the condition that I can afford to have other people such as the mothers and their nannies and private schools deal with them most of the time and the setup would be non-monogamous and my time would be my own.

        The family man one man, one wife, nuclear family thing doesn’t appeal to me.

        Ya, children bring in the law, at least for wage or on-the-grid earners in Western countries. Doesn’t sound like a good risk-reward situation to me either. And from what I hear quality of life tends to decline for the parents after having kids. I’m guessing it might increase if the man was very wealthy and kept his power and free time and sexual freedom and life intact. So we’re on the same page there, it seems, in terms of requiring lots of safe money before risking kids.

      • Like a G-6 said

        Two things:

        I) Your July 2012 article is golden. Nice dodge on those eleven gift-boxen! I am interested in knowing more about this. I am torso-high in my research of various forms of crypto-anarchy and I find information security fascinating!

        II) I’m an assburger (undiagnosed, AQ ~36 ±1) and find social interaction taxing (though not unbearable). Many people are energized in such situations while others are taxed. I am one such individual.

      • Bing Bong said

        A woman can discover a man’s emotional content in a number of ways. They are skilled at doing this, uncovering a man’s feeling in order to test the congruence of his words. And what we men do, the small ways in which we behave, tells women a lot about how we relate to them on a socio-psychological, as well as on an interpersonal, emotional and intimate basis. We communicate a lot more than we realize from one moment to the next. And here is a funny thing, if a woman does something wrong and you hold her accountable, rather than correct her shortcomings, she may decide that you don’t like women, in order to defend her ego. Guys do this, too. You check an ass clown, and rather than acknowledge their fault, they come back with, “You don’t like anybody!” As far as people not doing their own work, not owning their own shit, but trying to fob their shit bag onto others, you will see this all the time coming from people who have substance abuse issues, or who are just plain resentful. If you let them go on, you will learn about all their wrong doings, because the garbage they will try to dump over your head belongs to them. And any of the tactics they may use against you were often the tactics which someone used most effectively against them. I grew up in guilt, believing that if you have an advantage and you use it to your advantage then you are taking advantage; which is morally wrong. Needless to say, I was being manipulated through a guilt trip into taking on the obligations of someone who was thoroughly taking advantage of me. And I’ve run into any number of people like that since then: They will judge you, when they are in no position to judge; then they will try to burden you with a sense of guilt; your actions are not judged objectively, but you are judged on a very personal level. They always have a formula which will absolve you of the judgment, and offer you the prospect of gaining their approval, and it almost always entails carrying out some action that is of direct benefit to themselves. It is a matter of the selfish and manipulative offering a route of redemption to the selfless and naïve. It is the manner by which the weak and dependent try to ride the backs of those who are capable, self reliant and in possession of resources. Aid them, and they will view you as weak and dependent on their approval. I have always found that an important resource for me is to convert the spoken word into print. I am a critical reader, but I am not a critical listener. A lot of what people say goes in one ear and out the other, because I regard so much of it as bullshit. But, when I put it in print, their bullshit, for which I have little regard, is magnified tremendously. Where is the rent? “I don’t have any money!” You don’t have money but you are buying weed? “It was a barter! I gave him a massage and he gave me the bag of weed!” You are accepting barter when you owe rent? “We traded! I don’t have any money!” Well, then why are you smoking the weed instead of selling it then? “It was a gift!” And so? “My shoulders hurt when I do massage! I smoke weed so that my shoulders do not hurt!” Well, if you are doing massage, why don’t you have any money then? “You don’t understand, I don’t have any work! Things are slow right now!” Ok, you don’t have any work, things are slow, you have no money, I’ll let the rent you owe up to this point pass, ok? “Alright. I have to take a quick shower now. I have another massage appointment in half an hour!” (Hear her friend chuckling out loud in the background.) Tell them you are fighting the urge to pick them up and throw them through the plate glass window and they will feel that you are attempting to set boundaries. Toss them out on their ear and they will try to make you feel guilt, presenting the false idea that you were the rock of security they were relying on, when what they were actually looking for the whole while are worthless losers with drug habits, and for you to provide a nice cushion for them to rest their worthless asses upon. They are leeches who will drain you of your energy. The guys they go for are as emotionally screwed up as they are on their worst days, owing to the drugs and alcohol the guys are ingesting. They will elevate the low in their opinion and estimation, while they try to bring down those who they feel inferior to. It’s fun sport with them. Meanwhile, if you put anyone down, and I mean anyone whomsoever, people they have never met, they will go into a full on panic, because they are hell bent on undermining your sense of esteem, for their own fun and profit. They will therefore try to place you in the position of whomever you have criticized, identifying you as the target of your remarks in a later conversation. Some people, and I am not speaking specifically of women, are simply devilish in their behavior. And if and when you discuss their behaviors with others, you should not be surprised when they appear to have many supporters. I used to feel people out by telling them a story about a guy who was attempting to harass me. I would let the listener know that I had felt no acrimony towards the guy, until he persisted with his harassment. When I would then explain what I did and said in order to confront him once and for all, the listeners would often begin to look angry. But, I was clearly acting within my rights and within good reason. I’d then explain to them how he opened his van and threatened me with a hammer. The listeners faces would light up with a smile. Only, when I’d conclude with the remark that I phoned the police and the guy spent the next week in jail, the listeners would more often than not clench their jaws in anger, as if I had committed an outrage. And then they would start trying to antagonize and provoke me, as if someone needed to pick up where the other guy had left off. The guy was a drug addict, a thief and broke. He had been full of envy, malice and resentment. And many of my listeners were quick to identify with him. What that tells me is that I have tried to often to befriend people who were on a lower socioeconomic scale. The sort who believe in cutting the heads off the tall poppies. Often times, these people don’t intend on getting anywhere in life, and they don’t want to see anyone else moving forwards, either. Because it gives them the impression that they are falling further behind. What they will try to do is tax and drain you any way they can. It could be through ribbing, undercutting, sabotaging, gossiping, anything at all in an effort to diminish you. One of the last individuals who attempted this with me was very proud to let on that his nurse was now housing him and taking care of him. He tried to hide his glee as he explained that he discovered that she owned a rental home, and had been planning on selling it. He had a better idea, though. She could mortgage the home, and then loan him money so that he could open up a pawn shop inside of the mortgaged property. Essentially, he wanted her to pawn her property so that he could invest her money to suit his own interests. I discovered that he was an alcoholic, an ex jail bird, and physically handicapped. And this is a guy who had attempted to make me feel guilty for having money and resources and using both to enjoy my own life. People of that sort try to use the conscience of others against themselves, while they lack a conscience of their own. If someone were to take advantage of me, I have no doubt that he would laugh so hard tears would roll from his eyes on hearing the news. That is why it is important to evaluate the moral judgments people try to impose on you. They may stem from envy. If I had no money and no resources, he would have undoubtedly have tried to make me feel down in life on that account. You enter a crowded bus and are relieved to find that there is one last seat. A heavy set woman enters behind you and has to stand. You can sense the social pressure build as people look at you, as if to suggest that you offer the woman your seat. You are almost about ready to get up when you are struck by a novel idea: If everyone is so concerned about the woman standing, then why do THEY remain seated?

  5. Kobay said

    Thanks for a great post. It channels some of my own thoughts recently. A lot of advice served up on some of the more popular blogs is just toxic.. Many of the solid advice exists in the archives of these blogs, having been said long ago. But now with nothing left to say they regurgitate the populist, responsibility evading lines about how women are bad, all of em. I find it helps to keep my principles high and my expectations low when it comes to girls while realising that the direction of the relationship is up to me – women more or less latch onto a man in relationships, so where you headed?
    And some dudes need to allow themselves to be vulnerable. The more fulfilling relationships I’ve had required me to be vulnerable on some level (by ‘game’ standards).As I write this as a hottie lies beside me because I had no problem sending out that second txt, dealing with her initial feigned disinterest and just all out pursuing what I wanted.

    Game is simply a heuristic, take from it just as much as you need.

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