Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

How to make an attractive woman fall for you on the first or second date

Posted by xsplat on August 13, 2013

It’s common sense, really. For some reasons people stray from it.

To get a girl to fall for you fast, you just have to get back to basics.

1) Be loveable. That means that inside your mind is a good place to be. It means that you have real love to give. It means that you are playful and funny, are good at reparte, have a well developed sexuality, are a driven artist, enjoy sensuality of all sorts, are emotionally available, empathetic, giving, all around fun to be around, are an unstoppable sun of love, and the man who deserves to be giving directions. Be able to look an attractive woman in the eye and get completely stoned on the electric spark between the two of you. Be capable of meditation on the form of beauty.

In other words, pay attention to her with your whole being in a way that fills you with passion, knowing that how you hold your attention is directing how she holds hers. Meditate on her and get drunk on communion – and she will commune and get drunk on you.

When you put your hand on her face, or kiss her lips, or look her in the eye, it should thrill you, and she should know it.

Woops – I’ve moved already into step two.

Step two: love communion.

Did you ever see a cute child, and just want to pinch it’s cheeks? Pick it up and throw it in the air? Hold it? Play games with it? Hold it’s hand? There are so many ways that we love communion – that we get off on it. It’s really just back to basics.

Women, like all of us, want to be heard. Listened to. Known. But it’s not enough to just let them aim their own minds and free form blather – you need to direct the conversation in a way that makes her feel happy about you and happy about who she is. She needs to learn not only that you are an interesting and funny and witty person – that’s minor – she needs to feel your interest and how skillfully you draw her out of herself in a way that makes the mood great. That makes her being with you great. That makes talking to each other great.

Communion.

Communion can drive you.

Do you remember the first time you were in love? You just couldn’t get close enough to the girl. You couldn’t get enough of her. You could kiss for hours, and it still wasn’t enough.

That emotion is natural, and doesn’t have to die off with age or experience. That are ways for you even now to re-learn how to feel such passion at will.

To recap:
Step one – be loveable
Step two – learn to give yourself over to the passion of communion

Step three. There is no step three. Well, actually step three is sex, and is just a restatement of one and two, but with incredible intensity.

If you can do step one and step two, the girl will fall in love with you on the first, or perhaps second date. On the first date she is likely to want to move in permanently. She’ll feel as if you are a key to her lock – that it is a perfect fit.

There will be no thoughts about how to escalate. There will be no interest in scripts. You’ll just take your time, and eventually put your finger on her wet pussy and let your body do the rest. It will all just flow from one moment to the next, unhurried, unplanned. Naturally.

Ok, that’s the outline, now here are a few tricks. Numbered again.

1) Only date girls that you like. Want to commune with them in SOME way. Maybe you want to choke her while you make her come, but in SOME way you want to share mental space. You won’t be fanatasizing about some other girl – you will want to commune with HER. For the highest possible bandwidth experience she’ll be at least at your intellectual level, will get all your jokes and make some of her own, can not only do spontaneous role play reparte, but can come up with her own leads in fictional tales. Ideally she’ll be a sexual superstar who will orgasm from the empathy of giving you head. Her face will flood you with passion and the spark between your eyes will be nearly unbearable. Her hands will be small and dainty and a form of beauty that your dick will agree makes her acceptable for impregnation. She will be neotenous and you’ll want to protect her. On and on in so many directions you will want to and be able to commune with her.

But it’s enough for her to just be physcially attractive. As long as you can find SOME way you want to commune, that bandwidth can be enough. Enough for a genuine connection. Real, meaningful, genuine intimacy.

People crave that. They want it. Give it to them and you can, if you want, own them. Really – they will even offer themselves to you, heart, soul, body, mind, action, time, and life. Even from the first date, or soon thereafter, a girl can just instantly click, and click and click, like the tumblers in a safe lock lining up until it’s fully open.

Ok, another trick.

Don’t come. Eat good food. Do chi-kung.

You know how after you orgasm you feel less love for the girl? Your battery power is what you use to remain interested in people. That is your strength to want to reach out and engage. When that falls too low you’ll want to go inward and recharge.

So you need to build up your chi-power – your sun of love – your sexual mojo. Keep that high and you will remain interested and giving and engaged and passionate, and this will be hugely magnetic.

The girl will literally get addicted to you. She will miss you the moment she leaves – even from the first date – and it will only get worse for her. Day after day, month after month. Even year after year.

Ok, last tip. Learn how to fuck in a way that is full body communion – you mix together, you not only feel love, but you are love – you genuinely love her, and love fucking, and can fuck her and fuck her and fuck her, not coming even through the intensity of her multiple orgasms. If you can become her – mix with her in exstatic union you’ll learn to hold all that energy without coming, and get off on her getting off.

This will be the final nail – the final cement – the final straw. You will own her through the tip of your dick.

Oh, and sometimes talk and look at her in the eyes and laugh when you fuck. Fucking isn’t just a two dimentional thing. Every time is different, new emotions, new nuances, new embodied beings. Get off on HER.

Being with a girl is a flow moment meditation. Your entire being gets off on her being – her beauty – her youth. And how you direct it. Her very being gets you fucking wasted high.

And as sex is a habit, don’t fuck girls you are not into.

If you are way into the girl, it will be way easier for her to fall for you.

Update If you don’t know how to feel love, here is a trick that will work for some, if you let it. Men naturally feel paternal love. Women are neotenous. Evolution is accidental, however the coincidence is meaningful. Women are neotenous because that arouses men’s paternal love. Use that to your advantage. Consider her as YOUR child. This will open up a flood of love for her. It’s ok – it’s not real incest – don’t be an idiot. It’s a trick you are performing in order to commune more fully. To love her more. To enjoy for yourself the great rush of love.

Also, I have a long history of doing this, again and again. It’s not just an accident in my distant past. It’s what I do. It’s what I did today. It’s a formula. It’s a formula that might very well work for you.

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16 Responses to “How to make an attractive woman fall for you on the first or second date”

  1. avd said

    Ok, so I loaded up this huge response to x’s post. But then, I thought: “You know what, I can’t really lay it out any better than x just did, so I’m just going to shut my fucking trap and appreciate.” This post by x is a seminal post, gentlemen (He tends to do that).

    Now then, I’m a hard headed son of a bitch, so I still HAD to comment on a few points, below:

    Be able to look an attractive woman in the eye and get completely stoned on the electric spark between the two of you. Be capable of meditation on the form of beauty.
    * A simple pair of sentences, right? But so vital. Let’s delve beneath semantics to discover exactly WHY (truth) this is so powerful. The keywords are: “be” and “capable”. Note that the preceding sentence, important as it is, really pales in comparison to the two words below.

    “Be” is a verb—make your life into verbs. “Capable” is an adjective—be ABLE to realize your visions, the rules of YOUR ship.

    In other words, pay attention to her with your whole being in a way that fills you with passion, knowing that how you hold your attention is directing how she holds hers. Meditate on her and get drunk on communion – and she will commune and get drunk on you.
    * Ok, keywords: “passion” and “meditate.” Passion is fire, energy. It’s all you need to consistently get laid. This is what all the false scripts and algorithms are getting at—give a shit, about SOMETHING. Why? Because then her emotional switches that are PROGRAMMED TO CARE will have something to lock onto. It literally doesn’t matter what. This is the beauty. You’re a D&D guy? Awesome. Be passionate about it. You own a carpet cleaning business? Awesome. Be passionate about it. You’re a doctor, lawyer, bankster: sorry, you’re shit out of luck. You are a worthless fucking parasite who generates no value for ANY of us. Fuck off. But for the rest of you, yeah, whatever you are, whoever you are, BE PASSIONATE ABOUT IT.

    Ok, now let’s tackle “meditate,” a term painted with woo woo so often. Here’s what “meditate” actually means: it means to go into YOUR operating system and review the rules upon which you are running your life. Nothing more, nothing less. So, if you have a problem with meditating, your actual problem is that you fail to OWN the rules of your very OWN life. Fix that.

    but can come up with her own leads in fictional tales
    * I can’t express how important this is. It’s one of my CORE requirements of females—to be imaginative. Why? Because life can often become a grind. Imagination is a splendid escape. It’s why we read books, watch movies, and ride roller coasters. As the Captain of MY ship, I don’t want to do all the work. I just don’t. So, I hire crew. One role that I DEMAND of my crew is to be imaginative—to construct an oasis where we can relax during doldrums. (Yes, I make her push the boundaries of decency, for my pleasure. But I also take care of her.) Reasonable.

    and get off on her getting off
    * A HUGE element that the MS neglects. YOU are the MALE. WHY are you fucking her? WHY? For me, personally, I fuck her to generate FEMININE RESPONSE. Feminine response makes me feel good. I love it. I can bust a nut on my own. I don’t need a female for that. But, wow: feminine response, I love me some of that shit.

    Get off on HER.
    * Else, why is she on your ship? YOU’RE the Captain. Why would you have a female on your ship that doesn’t please you? Makes no sense.

    Being with a girl is a flow moment meditation.
    * Cognitively, females are one rung above children. Ok, fine. But HERE is where they excel, and I hazard to say that they are actually important to us, for this purpose: females are like a laser accurate analytics package for us. You CANNOT lie to females. Yes, they will abide your silly scripts and games—because they have no other options. A female with options will NEVER abide that bullshit. But you CANNOT lie to them. They force you to come face to face with the rules of YOUR ship. Very valuable.

    Consider her as YOUR child.
    * Yes, with love.

    It’s what I do. It’s a formula.
    * Check this out: there’s all these pathetic males out there trying to run scripts and game on the egg-housing of our species. It’s unnecessary. The “formula” IS YOU. GET THAT.

    PS—the quality of conversation on xsplat is increasing to the point that I may have to quit my job to be more prolific. Ouch. (Can’t do this every day, gentlemen.)

  2. […] People crave that. They want it. Give it to them and you can, if you want, own them. Really – they… […]

  3. UCB said

    I’m constantly impressed at how far ahead of the rest of the community you are in your realizations. I started reading your site about a year ago, and since then have been putting into practice much of the ideas you prescribe. Since then, each and every time some wannabe PUA comes out talking about the “next big thing” in seduction, I realize that it’s all stuff that I’ve long-since incorporated into my personality.

    A quick example is the whole “no-fap” obsession. Personally, I think it’s wildly overrated. You can generate the same positive responses you get from weeks of no-fapping with just a bit of daily sexual meditation and making an active effort not to cum every time you have sex. I still likely cum more often than the ideal, but I find that I’m also able to recharge much faster when I spend time focusing on my sexual energy.

    One last point — You forgot to mention moving to SEA and dating girls a foot shorter and twenty years younger than you though. Haha. Much easier to keep the paternal frame when you girls do appear almost childlike in comparison. Current gf is built like a gymnast… even when she’s angry she’s so cute that it’s hard to take her seriously.

    • Hero said

      Agreed. Great stuff Xsplat. Thank you.

    • xsplat said

      You can’t buy any drug that will equal the effects on a late forties man of having a 17 year that you’ve been fucking all morning hanging off your arm in the arcade. You’ll look at all the other fresh faced 17 year olds and they will all seem sexually available – like an acid trip everything will be alive and glowing and you’ll be energized with more power than even the youth possess.

      She claims only two other boyfriends, and two years since the last dick inside her. Who knows. But at this point she’s mine to do whatever I want with her – I could move her into an apartment and put her to work tomorrow.

      This delicious infatuation is familiar. If I close my eyes I’ll see her face. It’s nothing mystical – it’s just the natural emotions that are set into motion in most all of us who don’t damp them down. Do A, then B happens. Place a ball on a ramp and it will roll downhill. Put a 17 year old in the same room with an experienced older man and they’ll start up a fiery infatuation and she’ll give him as many years of her life as he asks for.

      I didn’t bother escalating with a 28 year old model with the worlds finest breasts the night before the date with the 17 year old because she just didn’t do it for me. The 17 year old just has to be 17 to energize me like no drug can.

      Oh, and at the same time I’d never leave my live in for this girl – and not just out of principle. I admit to being bonded to my live in. I do love my live in still, and miss her, regardless of the supercharged fantastic wonder of a 17 year old in my bed. (Long time readers will know my live in is an attractive 24 year old whose been dating me for about 3 years and living with me for 2.5 of those. Met her when she was a virginal 21 year old.) The 17 year old is great, but women are not fungible. It’s the strangest lie I’ve ever heard. That’s like saying food is fungible. A steak is not a broccoli.

      • Renfrew said

        “A steak is not a broccoli” made me think immediately of that old chestnut attributed to Paul Newman in explaining his marital fidelity: “Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?” For many people (namely women who don’t want a man stepping out on them, and men who need to justify to themselves why they’re not stepping out) this a much-loved statement. But I always thought it plainly ludicrous and practically self-refuting: “Because going out for hamburger is fantastic, Paul. As is having steak at home.” Naturally, I cheered when it was revealed after his death that he had had an affair or two; order in the cosmos was restored. (For the record, monogamy is available to those who want it, and it can be a perfectly respectable sexual strategy or predilection, although I also know perfectly well the various, partly nefarious, and often self-serving reasons many folks “choose” it and/or want to impose it as a universal practice.)

        Meanwhile, I’m pleased by your dramatic resurgence, X. This is great.

        BTW, your site is blocked in the PRC, I’ve just discovered. Congratulations are in order.

      • xsplat said

        Oh, so you are in China now! I understand you’ve been doing a lot of travel. Man of adventure and taste.

        May as well recount here what happened during the 1st moments of meeting this girl. You see, I had originally paid for a years subscription to a local dating site, but had not been using it, so I let a younger, model handsome friend use it. Then as this week of opportunity came up, I started messaging girls, explaining I was the older friend of the guy in the pic. Then moved to offline chat and sent real pictures. The real pictures often finished my chances with the girl. Well, this girl shows up still expecting me to be the guy in the picture – 25 years younger and taller and good looking – as opposed to balding and short and old and ugly. Took about 15 minutes to calm her down. And when my friend who had his pic in the profile popped his head in the door I nearly lost the girl, as she stood up and chased him down the stairs. Luckily he was already out the door.

        Took another hour or maybe two until we’d gotten over that and built up some rapport.

        I’m actually liking that bait and switch strategy.

        Girls are not likely to even open my online messages, let alone reply, with my real face. But in person I have other charms that can’t come across online. Once the girl is isolated I can do OK.

        Oh, and this girl is now seriously hooked. I pushed over that first domino and the infatuation is streaming through her, non-stop.

        Oh, and UCB, you’re right to point out that it’s easier to be infatuated paternally when the girl is a foot shorter and 20 years younger. Well, this one is 30 years younger. And elfin. You can imagine the electric jolt of infatuation that provides.

    • Tom White said

      “daily sexual meditation”

      I believe xsplat has mentioned this before but what is daily sexual meditation?

      • UCB said

        Tom,

        I first started practicing years ago using the exercises mentioned in “The Multi-Orgasmic Male.” David Deida also talks about it a bit in his books and references some exercises as well. I know there are likely better sources referenced in the comments sections of some of xsplat’s later posts, but I haven’t the time to look through them at the moment.

  4. “As long as you can find SOME way you want to commune, that bandwidth can be enough. Enough for a genuine connection. Real, meaningful, genuine intimacy.

    People crave that. They want it. Give it to them and you can, if you want, own them. Really – they will even offer themselves to you, heart, soul, body, mind, action, time, and life.”

    How do that? How can I be capable of doing this? Of having this kind of relationship with other person?

    Question 2: This approach is a good one even if I’m needy?

    • xsplat said

      A for Q2: This approach is not sufficient in and of itself. You can’t be needy.. You need some social skills.

      But what people in the manosphere have been doing is uncurling a piece of paper and curling it back up in the opposite direction. They realize that being needy is a turn off, so they just turn off all emotion. They realize that being heartbroken sucks, and that love is not the only option, so they aim to be as emotionless as possible.

      Then they claim that WOMEN are incapable of love.

      Good god.

      I mean, it doesn’t even cross their minds for 1/10th of a second that they are the problem. If you don’t want to feel love, how can you expect any woman in contact with you to feel it?

      Anyway, this post is not enough for a guy with no experience with women and not much going on in his life to get a woman to swoon.

      But without this attitude you’re more likely to just have flat, two dimensional relationships and sex, and it will all be about narcissism and there will be a constant sense of dissatisfaction and disconnect, and you’ll not understand the wealth that oxytocin brings.

      But in short facility with women is also about social facility – you’ve built up your experience and know what to do. You’re experienced and at ease directing a conversation, and you’re experienced and at ease putting your hand on her wet pussy and then pulling down her pants against her token protestations.

      But instead of having social facility as a self hypnotizing narcissist, you can have social facility as a genuine lovable and loving human being. The latter has far more potency and utility.

  5. Tom White said

    “Be loveable. That means that inside your mind is a good place to be. It means that you have real love to give. It means that you are playful and funny, are good at reparte, have a well developed sexuality, are a driven artist, enjoy sensuality of all sorts, are emotionally available, empathetic, giving, all around fun to be around, are an unstoppable sun of love, and the man who deserves to be giving directions. Be able to look an attractive woman in the eye and get completely stoned on the electric spark between the two of you. Be capable of meditation on the form of beauty. ”

    This is probably where most fall down. I know I do. Explaining how to become this sort of person would help many men (myself included, obviously).

    • UCB said

      On being loveable:

      For me, this came about as part of a conscious desire to let go of my desire to control my emotional expression. Many men, especially in the west, are socially conditioned to repress their strongest emotions. I won’t get into why that is, as it’s largely irrelevant; just know that it definitely hurts how women and much of the rest of the world perceive you. At one point in my life, when I was going through a particularly tough time, I just gave up trying to hide how hurt I was. One minute I’d be extremely happy and the life of the party, an hour later I’d be angry or crying and kicking everyone out of my house. This went on for a few months, then seemingly out of nowhere I suddenly found myself surrounded by women who were wanting to help. Admittedly, they weren’t particularly high quality women, but there were many times more of them around than I would have expected.

      Over the years, as my life situation improved, so did the quality of the emotions that I was expressing. And since I’d taken the filters off and left them off for years, my ability to express these more positive emotions had increased dramatically as well. So I guess the secret is to stop hiding from yourself and learn to embrace ALL of your emotions, even the darker ones. Practice letting all of your personality shine through, even the parts you’d wish for others to not really see. Once exposed to your darker nature, you’ll naturally want to improve from this position, and you’ll establish a process for actually working through your darker moods rather than repressing them. Then work on improving your life, especially in the areas of creating and giving value to others. It may take some time, but eventually you’ll emerge as a more positive, fully expressed man. At least, that’s how it seemed to work out for me.

      You should understand though, it’s not like any of us feel the way that xsplat describes ALL of the time. If you read his earlier work, and his occasional musings about women and their amorality, you’ll see a lot of anger and dissatisfaction shining through as well. I think that’s natural, healthy, and expected. Even with that though, you may be surprised at how well women respond to a man who fully expresses even the worst parts of himself.

      • Rameen said

        Yes. This is what I am working towards. Giving myself the freedom to fully express my emotions at any given time, totally and truthfully. For a long long time I’ve suppressed the darker feelings within me, bottled them up and now fear its intensity as it has pressurized over so many years. A side effect of the “Nice guy” syndrome. So I know that when I am in that state of freedom of expression, truthfully and honestly expressing my emotions fully, the tiniest tingle to my darker feelings will be overwhelming but in time my emotional self will re-balance the longer and more committed I am to free expression.

        A question – It is widely suggested throughout the “manosphere” that a real “Alpha” male is unemotional and always in a state of rock-steadiness around women. Of course women speak through their emotions but where would you say a man must draw the line between too much and too little?

  6. J.M. said

    I guess this is the post I was waiting for and I thank you for that. However I think there is another thing you left out, how do you manage your emotions and not be taken for a fool?

    Maybe many in the manosphere has a deficiency in emotions but you cannot say for real that a woman can be really your intellectual equivalent. I’ve met several educated women, specially in my field (logistics, engineering) and even though I have met quiet efficient women in their respective work, they ARE NOT capable of holding an intellectual conversation. For that I have always had to resort to male acquaintances and friends.

    But overall I will implement your initial approach today (at least the first part). Thank you and greetings from South America.

  7. […] How to make an attractive woman fall for you on the first or second date […]

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