Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Make the spark between you the thing, not the romantic back story

Posted by xsplat on May 30, 2013

Soup wrote: I’ve had to deconstruct myself and rebuild so that I can have more freedom with women.

I definitely have a baseline way of being that you could call my personality. But girls don’t like this. That’s why I learned game. I’m pretty sure a lot of guys feel this way.

When I say that she isn’t falling in love with me, I mean that. She’s falling in love with the game that I’ve cultivated. Maybe one day I will become that game; I won’t have to remind myself to adjust my body language in a certain way to attract girls, I won’t have to lower my voice, I won’t need to think about all that kind of stuff. I’d just be doing it.

The beta part of me will be long dead- just a memory of a past life. It’s like Darth Vader. He’s more machine than human.

I’m not the stone cold terminator of game 24/7 yet.

Maybe the game is actually freeing my authentic self. Maybe most of my life was a lie.

My beta side hates the game. It see’s it as artifice, a necessary evil in today’s world.

My alpha side loves the game. It loves the adventure and excitement, and the thrill of the chase.

My beta side wants to be in love with a woman.

Alpha laughs at love. He knows that falling a in love with a woman is like falling in love with a dog. He imagines a dog walking around in heels, doing the dishes, picking up the kids, and he laughs.

Beta wants to feel a genuine connection with a woman. Wants to look in her eyes and know that when she looks back at him, she’s feeling the same thing and that she’s in love with him.

Alpha looks into a woman’s eyes and sees nature. He sees the jungle. He see’s the world of cutthroat competition and selfishness. He doesn’t expect anything from her. He knows that when she says she loves him, she potentially loves all guys that are almost identical to him. He knows that there are a lot of players just like him that could elicit the same response from her easily.

I don’t think any girls would really care to know the real me. Maybe I’m there is no real me. I’m a bundle of intentions. I’ll do what I need to do to get what I want.

There were guys in the past just like me, and there will be guys in the future just like me. There might be a sliver of bonafide individuality in me somewhere- something that sets me apart from everything else in creation, but I’m not sure that the thing has any value in scheme of things.

So is what you are saying that you feel there is a disconnect between your game and your true self? And that you’d prefer women to love your true self?

Perhaps you can alter your game to have more congruence with the rest of you, so that you feel they do love your true self.

You said “He knows that when she says she loves him, she potentially loves all guys that are almost identical to him. He knows that there are a lot of players just like him that could elicit the same response from her easily. ” which was poetic, along with much else of that post. One solution I’ve found is to just get off on the energy of love itself, in a timeless now moment. Enjoy that spark between the eyes NOW. Enjoy that electricity between the tongues NOW. Get out of the narrative. Or even invent new narratives! Role play! She’s the watermelon vending girl and you are flirting and negotiating the price for her melon. Or she’s a nurse. Or schoolgirl. The fact that you could be anyone in these role play games brings out even more sexual charge – the very anonymity of it is an extra sexual spice.

But that role play feels very personal in the moment. It brings the two of you closer in a fun intimate moment. That makes the girl love you more and bond to you more.

You don’t have to be unique to get the girl uniquely bonded to you – FOR NOW. For a time. For a while.

Girls come and go, we know that. But when they are with you, they can really, really be with you. Totally there. That’s as intimate as possible.

The narrative is not reality. It’s just a story – you can play with the narrative. The REAL thing is the electricity between your eyes. Focus on and revel in the real things. You can create real intimacy and loving bonds in the moment very quickly NOW. People are built for that.

But don’t make it fake. Invest yourself into it too. It will be both more effective and more enjoyable if you actually love the girl.

The fact that love is temporary has nothing to do with it. You’re a man. You can handle it. You can feel her love and love her without the support of a narrative of you being a unique special permanent connection.

*************************

Does the higher your notch count go up, send off an instinct with girls to want to sleep with you easier?

There are ways taught to learn confidence and to display the body language of abundance, but I’m of the school of thought that it’s much easier to work on the external life structure than the internal method acting.

For instance at one point I had a live in. That was good for abundance, but bad for logistics. So I got a 2nd apartment, and put a 2nd girl in it. That was great for confidence and abundance, and snapped me out of feeling domestic into feeling hugely libidinous, but didn’t much help with logistics. So I got a 3rd apartment, and made arrangements with girl number two that I’d be trying to get a new girl to be in a love triangle with us.

In this way I don’t have to try to remember the last time I got laid, or try to remind myself how easy it is to meet and fuck pretty young girls. They are right there, in my life. On any given hour on any given day it will only be a matter of hours before some young pretty girl came on my dick yelling “I love you Daddy”.

Setting up real externalities is one way to go. That is the way that appeals best to me.

Other externalities include the support networks of business, male friends, living spaces, and so on. These support networks are external, and will show up naturally in body language and actions and speech. Much easier than trying to create the body language and speech first, and then trying to create the externalities out of that.

thedude3737 Wrote: I think women sniff out guys that are:

-Physically attractive and muscular
-clearly well funded
-famous
-”in state”. Confident, funny, laughing, creating positive frames, dancing, send out attractive energy.

Ya, and these are external architectures that are being built and relied on. For me, being gregarious and wanting to dance in public and sing and tell jokes is closely tied in to the support architecture in my life. I know some idealists want to keep it all in the head – our reactions are our choices, and we can react even to negative situations positively. That’s not my long real life experience. I’m happier and share it more when the structure of my life supports it.

Good friends
Good money
Good environment
Good health and fitness
Good girlfriends who love you

These things make for good frame.

You can focus on internal game, and some chose to mostly do that. But I find that focusing on the real external realities affects the internal to a much greater degree anyway – so I like to focus on the architecture.

Update:
Again:

He knows that when she says she loves him, she potentially loves all guys that are almost identical to him. He knows that there are a lot of players just like him that could elicit the same response from her easily.

There is a sexual kung-fu you can perform on this emotion. As of now this insight is causing you to feel alienated from women. You can turn that around 180 degrees and have the exact same insight ignite greater passion and intimacy.

When you fuck a girl and have her say “I’m your little bitch”, or “I’m your little slut”, or even “I’m a little slut”, you are playing that part of her that is open to anonymous sex and using it as a pivot point to leverage greater intimacy out of the situation.

You use emotional kung fu, and turn alienation into intimacy.

Role playing situations where you just meet the girl does the same thing. Or role playing threesome situations. Or role playing situations where the girl comes off as naughty in any way. You highlight her nature – her animal nature – and use THAT as a means to generate passion and intimacy and connection.

She will feel closer to you, because you are loving HER, not some idealized fantasy of what you want her to be. You are getting off on who she really is, deep down. That kind of thing creates real bonds.

Kung fu: take the opponents aggressive energy and turn it against them.
Emotional/sexual kung fu: take the barriers to intimacy and use them as the fuel for an even greater, more real intimacy.

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3 Responses to “Make the spark between you the thing, not the romantic back story”

  1. Koanic said

    Amen

  2. Booger said

    Brilliant. Thanks for the insight.

    Hey, can you share more insight on the 3 stages of sex you mentioned two-three days ago?

    Stage 1) fear and loathing
    Stage 2) regular pleasure leading to a peak orgasm and then a long refractory period of low desire
    Stage 3) continual eyes wide open full body orgasms mingled with love and devotion that just go on and on, a faster refractory period and an ongoing low level of continuous desire.

    Especially can you elaborate on Stage 1 what exactly does that mean?

    I’m reminded (It was probably Rollo Tomassi) who mentioned it takes 3 standalone sex sessions on separate occasions to cause pair bonding. I assume this is the chance to bring a woman closer to deep conversion.

  3. […] xsplat.wordpress.com […]

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