Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

More about escalation and masculine dominant passionate heat

Posted by xsplat on May 22, 2013

It’s possible that I over-value the power of polemic. I like to make people notice where their thoughts conflict, and so stir up conflict. So I’ll do things like advocate being a little bit “rapey”. It’s meant to get you to think and notice your assumptions.

I’m also constantly harping on how aloof game is a crock of shit. I’m not sure how effective this polemic teaching style has been.

Nomad77 takes a less polemic approach to explaining being “rapey”.

The feedback loop: why you have to escalate.
Everyone on here knows you have to escalate sexually – at least I hope so. It’s one of the cardinal rules that every pickup book and guru talks about. Yet, for many guys, including myself, it’s difficult to do WHEN you are not getting any obvious IOIs from a girl. But I want to give you a specific example of how this can actually create Interest in a woman and thus create a feedback loop that you can then build upon.

Last night I met two European women having a drink on the beach and ended up joining them at their table. Initially I didn’t think the one I was talking to the most was interested in me. Her English was not that good and she was sort of shy. If anyone was looking they would probably say she was being polite but there was nothing in her behavior that I could say was sexual or that she was giving any IOIs. But since I was sitting right next to her I just started to touch her without really thinking about it – because it’s what I do. At first, probably 5 – 10 mins, I didn’t feel any kind of reaction from her BUT neither did I get a negative vibe. She was allowing me to caress her leg, put my arm around her shoulders, touch her back, hands etc. But that’s all she was doing – allowing, she wasn’t responding. Then at some point I noticed a change in her behavior, around the 10 min mark. She was leaning in my direction a little bit. She had shifted her body just a little to face me more when talking. She was a bit more excited. Finally I was getting some feedback and IOIs. And as I did, I naturally became more excited too. Nothing turns me on more than a woman getting excited.

The point is: had you asked me at the beginning if she was interested in me I would have said No, and certainly not sexually. There was nothing in her behavior, and I’m very good at picking this stuff up, that would have lead me to believe this. And THIS is what stops a lot of guys from escalating sexually – they feel they need some IOIs or green light to proceed. But this example shows that many times you have to START and stroke the fire AND you have to keep going in the face of NO response. At least give it 15 mins or so. As long as she is still there and is not pushing you away, keep escalating. And suddenly you may find you have a hot babe in your hands giving you some serious IOIs.

PS You also don’t need to isolate to escalate sexually. All of this was happening in front of her friend who was sitting right there across from her.

I want to take this opportunity to point out how this is a separate, different, and distinct strategy from playing it aloof.

This is about a dominant masculine heat, that can even come across as an OVERWHELMING interest in the woman.

And it is not location dependent, or culture dependent. It’s a cross cultural constant that has nothing to do with aloof game.

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9 Responses to “More about escalation and masculine dominant passionate heat”

  1. ARoss said

    So you can actually aloof yourself out of the game?

  2. ARoss said

    I mean you can be aloof to the point that it hinders your game significantly?(sorry I’m still beta/crippled and it’s only been a couple months since I’ve taken the red pill)

    • ARoss said

      and by crippled I mean Cerebral Palsy

    • Johnny Caustic said

      I think there are two different spectra, one going from passion (at one extreme) to indifference (at the other), and one going from neediness to abundance. I strive to be high on the first spectrum and low on the second.

      It’s hard for many men to untangle passion from need. Men low on the sociosexual hierarchy have difficulty hiding their neediness except by faking indifference. That’s why aloofness sometimes works. But it doesn’t work as well as a passionate guy who has lots of options and alternates unpredictably between confident persistence and shifting his attention to other girls.

      A lot of game is learning to fake the behaviors of men with abundant choices, ideally without sacrificing a strong sexual vibe and the courage to make bold moves.

      • xsplat said

        I like that mental map of two different spectra, and how they can seem so overlapped that they get confused as being the same.

      • UCB said

        This makes perfect sense, though I’d never made the distinction myself. I think there are plenty of women out there who confusion passionate interest with neediness as well, and there are many PUAs who seem to be playing the game to not lose these girls. I used to think the same way until I realized that true abundance meant being willing to let go of those girls who didn’t fit the model for what I wanted in a woman.

        Interestingly, I was talking to one of my girlfriends though other day about something unrelated, and she made it a point to say that all of the girls she knows are hesitant to commit any energy to the aloof types. As a rule, they want to know a guy is genuinely interested in them before taking that next step (whether it be a second date, sex, or a relationship). Obviously not true for every girl in every situation, but I think it’s a pretty good baseline to work from.

  3. Johnny Caustic said

    Things improved a lot for me when I made the paradigm shift from “get her attracted, then physically escalate” to “physically escalate to get her attracted.” [Credit: 60 Years of Challenge.]

    Funny thing…a girl who isn’t interested at all can turn around completely if you show you have a bit of sexual aggression in you, then give her 5 to 30 minutes to warm up.

  4. I read this as ejaculation, instead of escalation.

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