Guilt makes for shitty life crafting
Posted by xsplat on May 16, 2013
It’s the job of all good parents to get their children to internalize the parents frame. We call that teaching the children right from wrong. Freud called unregulated desires the id, our sense of decision making and self the ego, and our internalized sense of good that our parents taught us the super-ego. So our job as parents and educators and as the socially influential is to infect people with our sense of what is good. Infect them so deeply that they internalize this sense of goodness into their conception of who they are, such that to act in disagreement with that would cause great cognitive dissonance, remorse, guilt, and psychological pain.
Catholic clerics say “give me a child at 4 and I’ll own him for life”. Children are pliable, but adults are not. Once the programming is set, it is rarely examined or re-written. We believe whatever we were told as children.
And yet there is no ultimate good. Whatever is good, is good for somebody. And not for somebody else. All good has an agenda, and benefits people unevenly. Whenever the word is used amend to it immediately the question “for who”. Honesty is good “for who”? Nonviolence is good “for who?” Equality is good “for who?” Fidelity is good “for who?”
Children are taught right from wrong. That is an appropriate way to view the world, if you are a simple child. Adults have agency and work in a world of competing interests. We must be machiavelian, not always disclose our intentions, and manipulate those around us to personal advantage. That is to our personal good.
But let’s take a closer look at what benefits us most. You could say that all advantage can be described in terms of networking. The more advantage you give to other people, the more they will like and be attracted to you. And so it is not to our personal good to cause disadvantage, usually, as we want to be positioned as a popular social hub that people like and want to be around and find advantage in fucking and giving labor and money to. So our personal good is networked in to the personal good of others, in a free market of mutual yet competitive gain. Generally the more value we can give to others the more personal good we realize.
That’s the meta picture, now lets look at examples.
Once upon a time I’d been through a long dry spell. Years of little to no sex. It was painful and debilitating. When hungry like that I’m quick to infatuation, and along came an older woman seeking adventure. My body screamed out to fuck her and my hormones explained to me that we had a soulful one in a million connection and to cement it. I was in love with a rare soul mate, and she with me. But circumstance had designs on me, and I had to travel to Bali for a few months. She insisted that I promise to not fuck any girls while there. My super-ego told me what a good person would do, and therefore what I should do. A good person would not fuck other girls, out of respect for my loved ones feelings. I saw myself as a good person, wanted to continue seeing myself as a good person, and so acted as a good person. I was good.
What a fucking stupid chump I was.
Good for who?
Squirming in the excruciating pain of being horny with no release that only men can experience and understand, I arranged for a masseuse to come up to my room. I got a handjob from the wench. That relieved a little pressure. But despite being hit on by two cute teenagers on a shopping mall escalator, despite being a young man with cash in Bali, I didn’t fuck anyone.
I was a good chump. I respected my lovers feelings.
And then when back in the states, my lover asked me if I’d been faithful. As a good man, I was honest. I let her know I was faithful but I did get a handjob. She then took off her pants and panties, squatted down on the tile floor, reached under her crotch, and took a large squishy steaming warm dump into her right hand. Then she stood up, walked over to the fan, aimed the fan at me, stood behind it, and then flung her runny shit full force into the fan. Then she got angry. Then she got hysterical. She kept that up, and up, and up, with remarkable emotional stamina. Day after day and week after week she was quick to re-ignite her dissapointment and ire that I got a handjob. Without her permission. Oh, and somehow she got it in her head that I had lied about it, and that this was the “real” reason she was angry. I recall now that answering that I hadn’t fucked anyone to her meant that I was also at the same time saying that I had not got a handjob, and so later mentioning the handjob was admitting a lie. Or whatever.
It was at this point that I realized that I had been a fucking chump, and vowed to never again take any vow of fidelity. Next time I was out of town on my own, I would fuck whoever I wanted and then just lie about it. Fuck all that noise. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and it’s none of her fucking business. I can get std tests, so don’t change the subject.
Whatever is good is only good for someone. She has feelings and wants, and I have feelings and wants. Considering hers first doesn’t make me good. It makes me a chump.
In the marketplace of giving value to others, those who are valued most highly have different expecations applied to them. Do you expect that girls complain to George Cloony that he doesn’t commit, and throw shit at the fan when he “cheats”? No, he makes the rules and the women freely associate with him. They consider they are getting value, and that the exchange is fair. Or, women are happy to share an alpha, even when they get hysterical towards their beta for a straying eye.
It’s not easy to position yourelf such that women will look the other way, and even more difficult to position yourself that women will accept blatant fucking around while they remain bonded and in love with you for the long term, year after year. Girls will back-stab each other and say that it’s only girls with low self esteem who accept “cheating”. As if any non-monogamy is breaking the rules. Who’se rules? Who made those rules? Cheating?! It’s a lie. Girls with low, medium, and high self esteem will permit infidelity from high value men who bring high value to their lives. Girls call other girls sluts. Girls back stab each other saying “she has low self esteem”. What they are really saying is “I have higher value than her, so you should try to fuck me intead, but only on my terms”. A girl is as slutty as the value she perceives she is getting, and each bargain is circumstantial. Your good girl would be a mile-high club slut for Clooney.
So in the free market of value, don’t be guileless. Give value, but always with an eye that good is defined by what is good for you.