Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

Haters gonna hate, because it’s easier.

Posted by xsplat on December 20, 2012

When I mention that whore-mongers don’t seem to notice that paying for sex is usually lessening the intimacy, and therefore pleasure in their lives, I get extreme hate. People wind up claiming that since I’m in SEA, therefore all my loved ones are all prostitutes, and that I’ve not experienced genuine affection or intimacy. One guy called me a hack – as if my poor writing skills were relevent to the truth of his inability to value intimacy. It seems to me that pointing out that there is the possibility of romance is the same as telling some guys “You don’t love yourself, you don’t love others, and no one loves you. You are living your life wrong. You fail at life” And so when I mention my view on whore-mongering I get the most extreme hate, and any possible attempt at completely invalidating me. Not just my arguments, me. I’m lying, I’m exaggerating, I’m a duped chump, blah blah blah. Basically the whore-mongers try to bring me down to their level – denying that romance is something that women feel. Because if romance was a thing that happens to people who know how to get it, then it would be true that they were missing out on something that others find deeply valuable.

From a Cracked.com article on avoiding self improvement when it comes to attraction:

*Intentionally Interpreting Any Criticism as an Insult

“Who is he to call me lazy and worthless! A good person would never talk to me like this! He wrote this whole thing just to feel superior to me and to make me feel bad about my life! I’m going to think up my own insult to even the score!”

*Focusing on the Messenger to Avoid Hearing the Message

“Who is THIS guy to tell ME how to live? Oh, like he’s so high and mighty! It’s just some dumb writer on the Internet! I’m going to go dig up something on him that reassures me that he’s stupid, and that everything he’s saying is stupid! This guy is so pretentious, it makes me puke! I watched his old rap video on YouTube and thought his rhymes sucked!”

*Focusing on the Tone to Avoid Hearing the Content

“I’m going to dig through here until I find a joke that is offensive when taken out of context, and then talk and think only about that! I’ve heard that a single offensive word can render an entire book invisible!”

The rest of the cracked article is fairly incriminating.

***

When men talk about how to deal with surprise babies, usual advice is to amp up your natural feelings of warmth and care for your offspring. The natural emotional response to remind yourself of the manly values of duty and responsibility.

These are archetypal, ancestral, instinctual emotions that you can tap into. Because of that your brain is wired to receive rewards for them. Rewards that feel meaningful.

I also find meaning in my life by tapping into reward centers associated with oxytocin. Maybe oxytocin and a sense of meaning are connected – I’d guess so. I find meaning by valuing my loved ones – even when I know that love is temporary and is a kind of pleasant illusion.

And because what we find meaningful becomes our ego invested world view, people are bound to get deeply irritated and uncomfortable when what they invest meaning in is questioned. I don’t like people calling my loved ones whores, for instance – I find that type of thing very distasteful, and even a bit sociopathic – not quite human.

But there is another workable emotional response to oops babies, that I’m sure others will also consider inhumane. There is the emotional option to just blow the whole thing off. A guy can make peace with it, and move on, and rarely think about it again.

And that’s what a lot of guys choose to do regarding dealing with women. Blow off the circuits that develop bonding, love, and a sense of warm purpose.

***

If my time portal had ample credits, I’d send a printout of this blog back to my younger self. But that’s not how others read my intentions; I’m not trying to share knowledge that can help some who vibe with it find a bit more happiness and satisfaction in their lives. No, this is all a
game of one upmanship, and the way to relate to it is by playing a king of the hill game against me – try to knock me off this pedestal I’m trying to put myself on. Never mind if what I’m saying is true or useful or not – it’s not about that – it’s about relative position on the hill.

Well, there is a very good reason why people do that. Just as I get irked when people try to invalidate what I invest meaning in, other people get irked when meaning is said to exist where they don’t want to see it. Love? Bonding? A warm feeling in the heart as you wake up in the morning?! No way, all women are to be pumped and dumped, and all your girls are South East Asian whores. And you’re an idiot for ever imagining otherwise. And “good luck” (as in I please have bad luck) not getting ass raped in court or otherwise fucked over by the ulterior motives of the pussy-borg.

People get invested in cynicism, because it means that they don’t even have to try.

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6 Responses to “Haters gonna hate, because it’s easier.”

  1. Juhana said

    A good word. And keep up the good work. You’ve got the best blog on the subject. Haters gonna hate.

    • MK said

      I love your blog and perspective but by calling them whoremongers you are trying to control the dialogue and use shaming language that you are better than. Your perspective usually comes across as do what works for you which I think all men need to embrace.

      • xsplat said

        That’s the term that they use to call themselves, amongst themselves, as can be seen on sex tourist forums or the readers submissions at stickmanbangkok.com. Actually now that I think of it I think they also call themselves mongers for short.

        I’ve got nothing against a little pay for play, personally. I just think that some men could have a greater life satisfaction by not strictly going that route.

      • I agree if thats what they want to do all well and good funny that they call themselves that I love their lack of feeling the need to care about typical norms.

      • xsplat said

        I respect that as well. Apparently some guys aren’t much wired to get much of a kick out of romance. And others are unlikely to be able to successfully attain it. The danger of pay for play is for the guys who would otherwise be happier also having a little successful romance in their lives. What we do develops habits and attitudes, and we’ve heard tale after tale of men who have lost their ability to bond, and need greater and greater thrills just to feel the same level of being alive.

        It’s not an easy choice to have the option to have romance. And it’s not a choice for everyone. I suspect however that if it were an easier choice, that took less work, it would be more popular one.

  2. snoeperd said

    Good post, i have to admit that i too fall into the habit of cynicism at times. I don’t use it to lash out at people, though they do notice the attitude

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