Random Xpat Rantings

Contemplative dominance for the modern man

“You’re not fat, Deary!” is the female equivalent of “Only Gold diggers go for men with money.”

Posted by xsplat on October 26, 2012

You know how we sometimes say that women who say “You’re not fat, Deary! Your curves are sexy!” are really just cock-blocking each other?

It just occurred to me this morning that guys who say “Money doesn’t increase attraction” are also deep down, unconsciously cock-blocking their competition.

“Money isn’t important. You don’t NEED that. Focus on going out clubbing every night.” (He he he. My dastardly plan is working. In ten or twenty years he won’t have developed any capital and will be no competition for me in the older man’s mating market.)

There is a life strategy that involves delay of gratification, and consolidating and increasing your power base. Some people view it as obsessive and greedy. Accumulation for the sake of it. This attitude of wealth accumulation and delayed gratification leads to personal power.

Guys who advocate that such accumulation is not attractive, or not necessary, are really just cock-blocking. We all know that success at the game of accumulation is sexy to women.

Deny it to boost your own confidence, to excuse your own laziness and ineffectiveness at winning at that game, or deny it to keep other men from playing that game to the best of their ability. “Real men don’t care if you’re fat. It’s what’s on the inside that counts!” “Only gold diggers go after a guys money. They aren’t even interested in the real you.”

Or don’t deny it, play the game, accumulate, and learn how to use the power of wealth as one more of many tools of attraction.

How to use money to build and maintain attraction:

Money is a tool. You can’t just leave your tools in the box and expect them to do the work for you.

Money must be translated into attraction through judicious use. Spend it on location. Spend it on moody ambiance. Spend it on fashion. Spend it on logistics. Spend it social proofing. Spend it enjoying good food. Spend it on an attractive, interesting, fun and exciting lifestyle. Spend it on high status hobbies.

Money is a tool, not a thing. If you don’t use it attractively then it’s not attractive.

Why women crave new shoes

Status to women means so much more then it does to men. Men use status to get women, but women use status among other women. I imagine it’s been evolutionarily important for girls to be of high status because it allows them to garner greater resources for their children.

Have you noticed how women form social hierarchies, in a similar way as do men? Similar, but not the same. Mens hierarchies are based on ability and merit, while womens are based on the ability and merit of their men, as measured by status displays. The girl with the most expensive perfume is deferred to. Her OPINIONS mean more, because of her handbag.

Women used to have a very strong say in who their sons and daughters married. If she was high status, she’d expect a higher status (wealthier) bride or groom for her offspring.

For women status is social positioning, and social positioning is hugely important. They are clan creatures, and lack the independence of spirit and the ability to make their way in the world by themselves that men have. They rely on RELATIVE positioning, and use symbols to help prove their position.

And of course their looks – their primary asset.

So women want guys with money not just for purposes of provisioning, but also for relative social positioning in the female hierarchy.

Money is a personality trait

With women it’s not about love OR money. Women love pragmatically. They will experience the genuine emotion of love more readily if the man has money.

As men don’t love women more if they have more resources, this is alien to us. We often think it wrong. Most men think it unbelievable.

It’s a naive view that ascribes to women male emotions. Women love differently. To a woman, a fat wallet is like big tits are to a man. Attraction and real emotions get caused.

The caveat being that you have to leverage the money into relative social advantage and lifestyle gains for maximum effect.

This is a pretty simple test of a man’s familiarity with women and his theory of mind for women. If a man thinks that a subset of women are “gold diggers” and the rest are more interested in “true love”, he doesn’t know HOW women love. Women don’t love either the man or his money, they love the man who has money.

To women, money is a personality trait. Or a physical trait, like being handsome. It isn’t a separate thing. Would you still love a woman if she got fat and lost her looks? Maybe. Would a woman still love you after you lose your job? Maybe.

And of course there are many attractive traits, and attractive traits are additive. You don’t need money as one of them in order to be attractive enough, but that doesn’t mean that money is not an attractive trait. You can be a micro-dicked lousy lay and still have women coming back for more, but that doesn’t mean that being nicely endowed and a mind blowing lay isn’t more attractive. Just because it’s not essential, doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. Money matters to chicks. Especially for LTRs.

Girls in the west have men hoodwinked. Men actually believe all this equality nonsense; that men and women are the same except for their shape. Even when some women admit that they’d never date a man who earned less than them, men just don’t WANT to believe how closely tied together money and love can be. Or at best they’ll assume money is a consideration for women, but only a practical one. For women, emotions are what does the practical consideration.

And we’ll end this with a quote brought to us by reader Dom:

“Marriage is for men who have failed in business”

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13 Responses to ““You’re not fat, Deary!” is the female equivalent of “Only Gold diggers go for men with money.””

  1. Dom said

    Bottom line: being a high income earner today is the equivalent of being a super skilled hunter 10,000 years ago.

    • xsplat said

      And a Rolex is a bear claw amulet.

      • Dom said

        So Xsplat, in your opinion, where do you feel that the status benefits that money brings caps out? (Generally speaking, obviously.)

        OkCupid’s blog claims that $100,000/year is all you need to maximize money’s impact on attractiveness. Think that’s it?

      • xsplat said

        I’d say if you leverage it towards status and fame, by purchasing nightclubs, resorts, modeling agencies, or other businesses that give you both social access and clout, the sky is the limit. Look at Heff.

        Otherwise I’d agree – if all you do with it is get a nice car and house, that will only take you so far.

        Also it can be used to help with logistics. You can keep apartments within walking distance of your favorite clubs, use it to take girls travelling, fly girls in from distant locations, and so on. Just the logistics help alone is a huge boost.

        And here is my favorite plan: you can use it to hire a team of full time wing-men. They would scour the internet for you and to the initial chatting with girls, go out on the town and talk you up, arrange and promote private parties, as well as accompany you on some social occasions.

        Some pretty women would be on the wingmen staff as well. Using the power of female group mind to talk a guy up and lower inhibitions is very powerful.

        You could arrange it so that you have a steady stream of new dates all fluffed and primed, and all you have to do is show up and don’t fuck up.

        I’d think being a professional wing man/party promoter/internet lothario would be a dream job for a lot of guys.

        I’m a ways off from being able to pay top green to a western wingman, let alone a team that includes foxes, but that’s the direction I’m aiming for. If I make it to 70, that just might – just maybe might be enough to keep me in the game. Either that or the facial reconstruction or full face transplant that should be available by then.

  2. [...] “You’re not fat, Deary!” is the female equivalent of “Only Gold diggers go for men with mone… [...]

  3. Snoeperd said

    Great post, I’m especially gonna quote you on “women love pragmatically”. In my own life i dont (or didn’t as of now) focus on on all the attraction triggers just because i believed love based on 1 trigger ( personality or wit) is somehow more valuable than love based on another (for example money or status). It makes me wonder however if there a cases where a prostitute genuinely loved her client more in those few hours of fucking than that same client’s wife loved him all week (and i don’t mean sex, i mean the actually affectionate state love).
    keep on writing,

  4. Don said

    I agree with you Xsplat.

    Still can’t understand why game fanatics continue to say money doesn’t matter.

    We always try to “impress” chicks in some way.

    • Dom said

      I honestly think people say that money doesn’t matter because they believe they are incapable of making lots of money, and therefore try to rationalize their shortcoming to help themselves feel better. Not that money is everything, but anyone who doubts its importance is either very naive, or deluding themselves–while attempting to delude you at the same time.

      • Don said

        Like “size doesn’t matter, it’s the way you use it that counts”. People have to rationalize everything to protect their small ego. It’s the easiest way to survive in this world.
        Still haters gonna hate.

        Even if money, looks and social status are not necessary to fuck chicks, a marginal benefit is still a plus. Why don’t use it? Don’t handicap yourself. Another man may exploit your wrong choices.

        This is my opinion.

      • krautz said

        It’s to correct people thinking money is the ONLY thing, a big dick is the ONLY thing, or height is the ONLY thing. It’s to make them aware that attraction is accumulative and to focus on the things they can change and to accept the things you cant. For example, it’s probably easier for the average young guy to get a good physique and approach a lot of women vs make 5x more money than the average guy in his area.

      • xsplat said

        Are you sure that’s it Krautz? Because it seems more extreme than that. People make a category error and say that it ISN’T the muscles themselves that are attractive to women, but it’s the confidence that the muscles cause.

        Which has been scientifically proven to be false. Rollo has a post on that topic. The muscles themselves, independent of any additional attraction that might be caused by confidence, increase attraction.

        I’m perfectly fine with giving exactly credit where credit is exactly due. But some people are NOT. They refuse, absolutely refuse, to give credit where credit is due.

        And I’ve seen, over and over again, that they do this for emotional reasons. Ego protective reasons. Their minds will. not. make. logical connections. They can’t even formulate the question.

        For instance I’ve seen again and again people fail to respond to this question logically: “If you have a man with x amount of confidence, is that man made more attractive by more money, if his confidence level remains at x? And if so does that suggest that confidence is attractive through a different trigger than is money? That one does not reduce entirely down to the other, but that they are two different categories of attraction?” Again and again I hear hamsterizations that favor the emoters bias instead of step by step logic that addresses the question without running away and changing the subject.

        I’m an INTJ personality type, so it’s my job in life to pierce peoples bubbles.

        Nobody’s thanked me yet.

  5. Hero said

    I think most of the reason you hear “money doesn’t matter” or “looks don’t matter” is to get guys to look for internal value in themselves instead of external value.

    We know that frame of mind is one of the most important things to maintain and that girls can feel that energy when the guy has it. When he believes in himself then she believes in him.

    It’s not to say that money or looks truly don’t matter but it gets guys to look at the big picture of their own life and stop making excuses because they “don’t have any money”, etc.

    All that being said, I think you’re right that that it can be a cockblock.

  6. [...] Random Xpat Rantings – You’re Not Fat Deary [...]

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