Women can’t be direct, because the instinct to lead men on into the slavery of the friend zone is a time suck that benefits women.

most normal guys can take the hint when it’s delivered in a neutral way.

There was a time when I couldn’t take a hint. And I’ve known of other guys who’ve had similar periods. In order to get me to hear no, a person would have to say no.

Yes, it was clueless. I doubt I was the only clueless man. I’m hearing people here say that I was not – that men are often clueless.

I can say from experience, that at the time, I greatly preferred a real no to face saving double faced obfuscation. It was unkind to lead me on.

Now, women may simply not care about being kind to socially unaware men. Fine. But don’t go protecting your saintliness by proclaiming you are being kind to all concerned.

When women are sending “obvious” social signals, these signals are not, in fact, obvious.

Men don’t send these same signals. Men are direct.

Unless a man has had a great deal of romantic dealings with women, he has no way of interpreting these “obvious” signals.

It’s not just autistics and spergs who miss social cues. Men can’t possibly understand womens social signalling innately. We don’t talk, think, feel, or act socially in the same way as women do. We use entirely different rules and social signals.

A man who becomes adept at speaking with women is learning a new language.

That’s basically what is taught here on this blog. We discuss decades of decoding femme speak such that men don’t have to go through decades of bullshit to get laid.

It’s not an exclusively male reaction at all, I believe.

What is sex polarized is the natural desire to be either direct, or indirect.

Males enforce a strong social code of truth telling. Men who haven’t been romantic with large numbers of women have not had the opportunity to learn that women view truth in an entirely different way.

Truth is useful to women only when it is convenient. If the lie is more convenient, then she “had no choice”.

My life is meaningful, therefore yours is hollow.

Anonymous

the majority of men eventually find the endless pursuit of pussy and the constant evasion of fatherhood to be hollow.

I’ve always thought this accusation of bachelorhood being a hollow life to be stupidly blinkered, ignorant, pedantic, and arrogant.

As if you can’t find god and beauty and love in the eyes of a one night stand.

It’s offensive the level of arrogance breeders spew.

Unless the love is coming from a child, or your wife, its hollow!

Hollow hollow hollow!

Lifetime monogamy with children is deeeeeeeeeper! More meaningful! More real!

Not like that hollow feeling you get staring into the eyes of a lover you haven’t been fucking for 25 years.

No, more deep that that!

She’ll even wipe my ass when I’m old! That’s so deep, and meaningful!

Fuck that deep meaningful noise, thank you very much. I can find my deep meaning in the here and now, and with complete perfect strangers. And with new lovers. And with lovers I’ve been with a moderate amount of time.

Your meaning is meaningless.

I’m not going to purchase your love insurance policy, you marriage sales girls.

I have full confidence in my current love solvency plan.

It may be rare for old men to date younger girls, but I’m a rare guy. This is what I do, and I’m good at it.

I’m mid forties and date early twenties girls. The last girl I broke with was 19 when she met me.

I fall in love easily and acquire love easily.

That may be difficult to swallow – I know it’s in womens interest to deny that reality. Some men can happily trade up to younger mates over and over until they die happily in the arms of their latest devoted young lover.

I have to believe that lifetime monogamy guys are simply not good at forging alliances.

I can have a girl eating out of my hand and following orders and being a devoted love slave to a degree 100 or 1000 times that a old guy with a lifetime partner can.

A man can be a woman-whisperer, and have incredible facility at engendering respect and trust and obedience.

It doesn’t take 50 years of marriage.

It’s my experience, year after year with scores of girls, that getting a young hottie to fall in love with me is easy and common. And that’s whether I’m too broke to afford a haircut, or whether I’m wealthy enough to earn in a day what a local makes in a half a year. Whether the girl has sat on a hundred cocks or zero.

What is and is not real love is not worth differentiating.

Just a chemical, or a lifelong habit, whatever. If you feel something similar to love in a one night stand, call it love, and be happy for it.

Better to falsely label fleeting moments as love, than accurately label whatever is pleasurable and meaningless as pleasurable and meaningless.

Last night my voice was full of loud emotions as I fucked my little girl. It felt like love, and that’s all that matters. All that really matters.

The end.

Update: For those who didn’t get the joke – I’ll spell it out. Do you really want to know if your feelings of love are real and meaningful? It’s meaningful because you choose to let it be meaningful to you. It can be meaningless if married with children, and it can be meaningful if single and infatuated. The meaning is a subjective choice.

Society is not socially created.

JR

The reason ‘marriage’ is hopelessly screwed is because the values/standards which characterized the era in which it grew are almost totally absent.

Miles off. A dimension off, more accurately.

Society didn’t change for social reasons. It changed for technological reasons.

Unless you can undo the available technologies, you won’t undo the social changes.

The arrow of time is not cyclic. Technology is a one way parabola. The future is not going to be a shiny new version of the past.

Social conservatives are socially-socialist betas.

Kris

We live in a Matriarchal Country(America). Left wing of the Matriarchy=Feminism. Right Wing of the Matriarchy= Traditionalism.

Both Feminism and Traditionalism are Female Supremacist hate movements.

Both Feminism and Traditionalism rely as a prerequisite the dehumanization of males(boy’s, young men, men and older men).

Both Feminism and Traditionalism rely as a prerequisite the glorification of females(girl’s, young women, women and older women).

Don’t trust traditionalist’s! They are pathological liars like feminist’s. Sick sociopaths that want to force their role playing game on everyone. Ask these traditionalist’s where they where in the 90′s when the war on males was jacked to the extreme by traditionalist’s in Washington D.C?

Yes, you agree with me that matrons (women who are taken care of by a single man) and beta males ally together for the sake of “society”, which means all female centric concerns.

Males who advocate lifetime monogamy aren’t really thinking of the children. They aren’t really trying to keep society from going downhill due to single parent families. They are trying to secure supply of pussy.

It’s a simple game theory strategy. The social conservatives are communists. Not fiscal communists, but social communists. They want to impose social rules, such that each man gets one vagina, so that they don’t have to compete in the sexual marketplace.

All this talk of the greater good is really just the greater good of their collective individual penises.

Seduction is improv – do we have enough time in real life to be as witty as a crafted script?

In answer to this what-would-you-do-if challenge, my fingers rose ready to the keyboard with:

She smiled, or maybe smirked. “Well, I’ve gotta go. It was nice talking about invisible sharks with you.”

“Yup.” You say, finishing the conversation, as you slowly start to turn away from her. As if in afterthought, you turn back, Columbo style, and say “Oh, one more thing.” She stares at you waiting for you to continue, but you hold eye contact and refuse to make the first move.

Yes?!

“I need to buy a bikini. Yours is about the style I’d go for. Where did you get that?”

First women’s magazines, and now bikinis?

“I owe a friend a replacement.”

You borrowed her bikini and broke it?

“Let’s say it was more of a swimming accident. So how do you go about buying a bikini anyway? Do you have to try them on first, or can you just buy it off the rack?”

Oh, it needs to fit, of course

“Ya, don’t want any muffin top action going on from a too tight swimsuit. Hey – I just had an idea that could solve BOTH our problems”

I have a problem?

“No time to explain. You’ve got to go. Quick, give me your phone number.”

———

In real life I’m not sure if could banter well on a cold pickup. But in writing that dialogue, I noticed a technique. I jumped in, not knowing what I was going to say next. Like in improv comedy, I didn’t script ten moves ahead, but just had to trust that one move would somehow lead to the next.

First move “One more thing”. In the field you’d have to say that, without having time to think of what that one more thing is. You’d have to trust that SOMETHING would come to mind. You gain an extra second of thought as you stare her down waiting for her to talk first.

Again for “I need a bikini”. As I write a lot, I’m confident that my fingers will come up with ideas I didn’t even know that I had. I trust the fingers to find the next step. What was after “I need a bikini, I didn’t yet know by they time I’d typed that. So it must be the same process with improv speech. Just one idea at a time.

And the same with the last line – “Oh – I just had an idea!” There was no idea. But being on the spot will arouse your muse, and if not, you can buy time with body language, or simply whip out a distracted non sequitur.

The architectural tone of your relationship

There is some basic architecture you can enforce. Examples of what I do with my girl:

1) I enforce a dress code. Her habit and inclination is to wear jeans. When she is with me, they are forbidden. It’s a pink see through neglige, or similar, when in the house, and only dresses and skirts when out.

2) Her habit is to hold my wrist. This is bad body language, as it’s dominant. I enforce her, again and again, to wrap her elbow around my forearm. She is not fond of this, and will in five or ten seconds drop that posture, so I just grab her arm and put it back. I’ve been doing this for a few months now.

Basic architecture will set a tone, and a mood, and this will change her personality and how she views you and how she relates to you.

My girl is unrecognizable in her actions and appearance compared to when I met her. I’m making a woman out of her.

Cooking and cleaning also don’t come naturally to her, but there too I’m enforcing an architecture. And that changes her and how she relates to me.

Why there is no profit in same-age dating.

In my quest for a mature woman, I once dated a menopausal woman.

Women don’t mature.

You may as well just date teenagers or early twenties girls.

Women don’t mature.

Libidos vary widely

In our mental maps of socio-sexuality, rare is the person who does not view other people as duplicates of their own attitudes and agendas. Not only do people have varying attitudes, strengths, and life strategies, but libido also varies widely.

Some women get exhausted after one brief orgasm, and can barely get aroused after that. They have a long refractory period. Others can come within 30 seconds of entry and keep coming regularly for about as long as you can fuck em.

Women, as well as men, have widely varying libidos, and sexual responses.

A lot of guys prefer to date a sweetheart low risk for infidelity girl for long term romance, but if you are a high libido man, pairing with a low infidelity risk girl might not be a good sexual match for you. Some guys barely have a refractory period, and are basically constantly aroused. You can imagine that a satisfactory sexual match is not going to be naturally tame.

Some men value the strengths that tend to go along with the personality of a high fidelity woman for deep personal intimate bonding. Some men in full knowledge of risks and benefits, opt for the strengths that tend to go along with a woman who is a higher fidelity risk.

Spectator sports are beta to the bone.

It’s not a helpful mental map to lump all admirable masculine traits together into the category of alpha.

Far more useful to lump the socially condoned and socially useful traits into the category of beta.

Then see that there are two types of sexual attraction – one for the bad boy, the other for the upstanding family man/soldier.

Lumping both types of attraction together muddles the conversation more than it clarifies it.

Being a selfish manipulative prick may not be admirable, while being a devoted family man and heroic soldier may be ideal, but that doesn’t mean that the latter is alpha.

Here is my simple association: Socialist group oriented leanings = beta leanings. Selfish individualistic leanings = alpha leanings.

Working for group cause = underneath the king = beta.
Making your own rules and inspiring others to follow your will = alpha.

I group socialist leanings together with beta tendencies.

While it may be manly to fight for your tribe, it is also essentially beta.

Hero worship is an age appropriate developmental stage. Adults who worship heroes are both developmentally impaired, in that they have not internalized their ideals, plus are acting the role of the follower.

Sports is essentially a communist, or socialist, or tribal undertaking. We all have that tribal urge, but some of us more than others. Many men never understood the whole hockey or baseball card trading game. It just never clicked with us, even though we wanted to fit in and play that game, and so bought up lots of packs. We could never bring ourselves to actually give a shit.

I suspect the whole tribal urge, which is exemplified in sports, leans beta. It leans towards being subservient to the group will.

I’m not saying you can’t have alpha traits while you co-operate within a group, but that the will to co-operate, when it is greater than the will to achieve selfish aims, is beta. When you can no longer even know what your selfish aims are, and only see the will of the group, you are a follower.

Even though we have social hierarchies, how people adapt to their place in them has a lot to do with attitude. The will to fit in, the will to follow leaders, and the will to sacrifice for the group – all beta traits.

Reader asks – what is your personal history?

Your website is pretty interesting, I really must say, and of course downright inspiring as for all the girls you’ve enjoyed out there. Good little puppy dogs all, I hope. That’s hot.

Sometime I ask that you give a timeline of where you’ve been, when, and what you were doing for money/fun/women, etc.

Not that you’re telling other people what to do, but rather just letting us understand your context a little better. I’d sure be into it, that’s for sure.

I’m nervous to reveal personal history, as I’m more comfortable in my carefully cultivated habits of paranoia and anonymity.

However in private I occasionally orally reveal little historical narratives, and there is a lot of material to draw on. I’ve lived episodes ranging from living in a Buddhist monastery to being married. From being single in an endless Sahara devoid of pussy moisture, to having a steady rotation of from two to four romantic girlfriends. From being routinely too poor to afford a haircut, and so would cut my own, to earning in a good day what a local might earn in six months. I have stories of having Olympic class sexual stamina, where I would fuck for four hours per day, except for two or three days a week where I would stay in bed with my girl and do nothing but fuck, eat, sleep and shit, and I have stories of becoming nearly impotent from very serious chronic health issues.

I’ve been played by girls, and I’ve played girls. I’ve been heartbroken, and I’ve broken hearts.

I’ve lost count how many years I’ve been here in SE Asia. Ten or twelve, I guess. In that time I’ve lived with short term serial monogamy, non momogamy, longer term monogamy (a year or two per girl), short term serial monagamy, longer term monagamy again a few times, non monogamy again, and now again back to longer term monagamy. I don’t regularly pick up girls, and usually go for intimacy. Even when dating around, I try to get some genuine love and bonding going on. Usually the attempt is at least somewhat successful. So my lifetime number of sex partners isn’t huge. I’ll go some years with only one new girl added. I started actual fucking late in life – not even losing my virginity as a teenager, and now in my mid forties I don’t even have three girls per year for my entire sexual career. Of course some years I may have added a new lover every six weeks. Point is, I’m not keeping score in terms of quantity – I’m keeping score in terms of life satisfaction. And on that scale, I’ve done relatively well for myself, and can die without regret for what is left undone. It’s been a rich, good, fulfilling life, and I’ve lived it on my own terms.

Reader asks “what do you do when you care about a girl before you’ve had her?”

Reader Nick emailed in this essay of a question:

Dear xsplat,

I found you on Roissy’s site in the comments section for The Fundamentals of Game and your opinions struck a chord with me. I’ve only recently discovered “game” since I’ve been single again after a 3 year relationship. Though I don’t pick up a lot of women (because I rarely bother to, which I must fix now), my success always came from my ‘not caring’ attitude. It came naturally because I genuinely didn’t care about the outcome. Now I have the problem of caring about the outcome with this one girl – and not just any girl, but that one girl that haunts my past as my paradigm failure in attraction.

We met 10 years ago in college and never went further than kissing but weren’t friends after it didn’t happen for us. I have no idea why I even liked her in the first place but I haven’t felt that way about anyone (including much better, prettier, smarter, etc) since meeting her. Fast forward and we’re both single now and have been spending time together as volunteers in a charity group, and our cycle is repeating. We kissed one night and she immediately began to freak out about it, that it wasn’t right for us, that she’s turning 30 (blah blah), after which we kissed plenty more. We were guests at a friend’s mountain home and in the middle of the night she crawled into my bed where we groped each other for a bit and went to sleep (this all sounds so juvenile to me; she is definitely not 30 mentally). This was the turning point where we found ourselves in this limbo before choosing a direction for our future. Since then while still in a grey area, I had some alpha moment and we were kissing heavily again for awhile but she maintained her uncertainties about us.

Last week we had a fight after dancing together at a bar when she kept telling me to stop looking at her in this seductive way that seems to attract her instantly – not ‘stop’ in an angry way, though perhaps her frustration had been growing, but usually in that ‘stop because it’s forbidden’ way that indicates she likes it. We were both drunk, out of nowhere she throws a glass of water in my face, telling me she hates me and storming out after I asked why she was being such an immature drama queen. In a subsequent phone conversation she said that gaze is like a tease for both of us because “we can’t be together” and, ironically, called it a game that “shouldn’t be necessary”. Her bottom line is that it wouldn’t be healthy for her or the other person if she got in a serious relationship at all right now (which I never brought up). I had said some mean things to her, a mistake because I think I showed too much that I care, and especially harsh and pointless since she hardly even remembers the details surrounding the fight that has put us here.

Overall, with her, I’d give myself a B- for alpha game. I’ve definitely made some mistakes along with my moments of brilliance. I’m a 5’11″ thin framed model; women seem to enjoy looking at me, I think I’m an 8-9+, so they’ll cut me some slack. She’s also a solid 8 or so, certainly enough so that she gets attention from men, but she’s not so objectively extraordinary and she’s 30 and happens to be my type (petite, dark skin, cute/sweet personality) but probably not most mens’ type. I’ve met her ex who was an asshole to her during the relationship, and she’s still hung up after 1.5 years. She understands the relationship was bad and doesn’t want it back, but clearly she doesn’t want anything entirely different yet either. But her depression over him is the explanation she finally gave me to flesh out the “I can’t/We can’t/We shouldn’t” statements she would make. Last thing she said was that sometimes she’s attracted to me and sometimes she’s not, but doesn’t know when or why.

Assuming I shouldn’t take her at her word (i.e. not being ready for a new relationship), I should stop analyzing her erratic behavior and focus on what I’m doing to attract her or not. Aside from valuing her, I might have erroneously shown both sides of my coin, so to speak. I wasn’t adept enough early on to focus on my game and perhaps showed too much soft underbelly at the wrong moments. Her rather crazy mood swings can probably be attributed to my inability to attract her very deeply and quickly. This incident has put us in a slightly awkward place, and I’m not sure how to continue from here. I know I need to focus on tight game exclusively, but I’m not sure I’ll even have the opportunity now. I apologize for this excessive description, but I’m needing to know 1) What is my next move? Can I refresh our situation somehow into a square one type place? We haven’t spoken in a week, she’s about to leave the country for two weeks, should I just wait a month and reach out if she doesn’t contact me? 2) Any advice on separating the alpha gamer from the guy who cares about the outcome? I understand the reason to be alpha and to be ready for when you do care, but my ‘not caring’ default is hard to retrieve under the circumstances. 3) Have you or others figured out what attracts men besides physical hotness? I have friends who are models, spent a lot of time in NYC with amazingly gorgeous women, many of them smart and fascinating individuals, and none of them made me feel the way this girl does. I’m sure the standard advice here is to bail on the crazy chick and find someone better, but that’s pretty much where I was 10 years ago, and I have little to show for it. I continue to seek other women, so I’m not letting life pass me by. But I’d like to at least be able to act as I need to with someone that does throw me off my game.

I appreciate any advice you can offer and for your time reading this novel. Thank you.

Answering by email seems more boring than publicly airing your relationship troubles and my good and bad advice.

My quick answer to you is:
1) You are in a position where you are lonely and in need of intimacy. This is not a position of power for you. Chicks dig power. In order to have a better chance with the girl, date OTHER girls, while you persue this one. This takes time and effort, but you want solutions, not hand holding.

2) The girl is “shit testing you”. She basically begging for you to be dominant. You are continually making the common male mistake of taking her actions at face value. You are reading her words literally. She is speaking female, and you are hearing male. When she says stop, train your ear to translate that into “try harder, because I’m not horny enough yet from your weak assed attempt at dominating me”.

3) You are going to have to cut things off with her a few times. Her throwing a drink in your face was her basically telling you “you can’t dominate me, I dominate you. I don’t respect you because you let me play you, and you still come back for more. I can’t be sexually attracted to a man who is under my thumb like that.” The catch 22 for you is that you have to show her that you can kick her to the curb, and in doing so you may precisely lose exactly what you want to get. You need to be able to afford to lose exactly what you can’t afford to lose. It’s like a bank loan – you can only get it if you don’t really need the money. This is where dating other girls at the same time comes in. You’ll be more in a position to do some dating brinksmanship if you have other girls on the go. Sometimes you must literally grab the girl by the waist, and forcefully push her out of your room, and shut the door behind her. You must physically take control of her. Yes, it’s caveman. She was cavegirl. Don’t speak French to a girl who is speaking Hindi. If she is speaking cavegirl at you, speak caveman back at her. She throws a drink in your face, you physically throw her out of your apartment. Or if you were in a public place, make her publicly embarassed. Escalate the situation such that she is shamed. A pitcher of beer would have been handy.

4) Ignore any discussion about what who is ready for, and what who should be doing. Your aim is short term sex, and then see what happens after that. I hope for your sake that by the time you’ve had a fling with the girl, you’ll lose some of your infatuation for her, as she is clearly nowhere near relationship material. But even if you insist on making a silk purse out of a sows ear, the way to begin that process is by fucking her. Taming her. Treat her like an unruly house pet, and show her who is boss. Watch episodes of the dog whisperer, get a dog, and generally learn how to be the pack leader in your social interactions. You must lose your fear and embarassment over being in charge, and demand respect for your natural and rightful authority.

That’s it for now – I can give more info in the comments if there are questions.

As opposed to Western matrons, Asian vixens are only after your money, you fool!

Strangely, many men and women can’t believe that you can get similar emotional connections when there is a large age gap.

From what I’ve seen, people who don’t believe that this is possible have some need for their beliefs. I’ve never seen those beliefs altered.

I have a lot of experience with large age gaps. In the kung fu of relationship, what appears to be a handicap can be used as an advantage.

Here is a true story. Some years ago there was an Olympic finals in Judo. It was down to the last fight between two combatants, and the reigning title holder of world judo champion was severely injured in one leg. Most people would assume his weakness would leave him unable to compete at such a level. Instead he took down his opponent within the first 10 seconds of the battle.

With age, you use what is at hand as an Aikido move as well. You show your weaknesses to your opponent, letting them assume you are easy prey. This lures them in. Then as they are underestimating the enemy, seeing you as prey, the prey becomes predator. The beta becomes dominant. This is the classic beta bait and switch. Look at me, I’m just a friendly old unassuming man. I’m safe. Come closer. Then step by step you weave your web, until the illusion of safety is gone – you’ve woven a web entirely around the girl, and she is entangled and ensared in your house of love, and knows no way out.

I’m not sure why some men and women refuse to imagine life where strong romances are possible where there are large age gaps. I think it must be because their world view demands it. If x were possible, then y would not be the only possibility. I think some people are so invested in their y, that x CAN NOT be possible. Damn the facts.

I’m not sure why you’re arguing that I don’t want men to date women with 40 year old age gaps. No problem with it, but it’s just not realistic, and certainly not realistic as a continuous life strategy.

You claim to be able to say what is realistic, but when anyone describes a reality that doesn’t conform to your expectations, you simply discount it.

That’s called confirmation bias. You discount any information that doesn’t agree with your premise.

I once dated a 21 year old. The year before being with me she was with a 60 year old man. He had told her he was forty. After she found out the truth, she stayed with him. They lived together. She was 20 at the time. I lived with her for a year as well.

The girl who I made orgasm fifteen minutes ago was never with another man, and had never orgasmed in her life before meeting me – not even on her own finger. She turned 22 while living with me. I originally told her that I was 39, but when she found out my true age, she didn’t even blink. By then she’s already hooked and in love.

Oh – but your confirmation bias won’t allow you to believe that young women are succeptible to love with anyone but similar aged men.

That’s weak thinking on your part.

pretending as if there’s nothing discomfiting about a 60 year old dude sitting around in a room with a bunch of teenagers is some dark comedy.

Pretending?

I understand that some guys have an innate sense of strangeness – perhaps a form of disgust or dis-ease – when they see huge age differences. To them something feels off.

I get it that some men honestly have these feelings. They can’t shake them, and nothing anyone says will change that.

However many men don’t have this feeling, and we have successfully romanced younger women. It’s in many ways similar to romancing an older woman, except you play up your authority more, and she is younger, tighter, and hotter.

The guys who get ill feelings with large age gaps seem unable to fit into their mental maps all the data that comes in. They discount huge chunks of reality, just because that reality makes them feel bad.

Young girls are a viable romantic option.

There are endless real life examples of this, and some men have decades of example after example.

“or worse pretend that these are great learning experiences for a young 18 yr old kid are not being honest or fair”

I’ve been careful to cultivate my sexuality. I don’t pay for sex and I don’t sleep with people I don’t want to be intimate with. My habit is to feel strong love. This is a careful choice of mine. I’m confident that my sexuality is always a positive personal influence.

I’ve never had corrupting sex.

I just don’t view young girls as pure innocent babes that get corrupted by fucking like you seem to. Not even the virgins.